#1
#2
I called the police immediately. He is now in prison but due to get out in less than 2 years.
#3
I'm well rid of both of them, but I'm not planning to forgive the way they treated me.
That was 40 years ago. He got in touch with me again about 4 years ago, wanting to be "friends again" ..... I have a really long memory. No. .
We hold grudges when someone has wronged or hurt us. It’s a reaction to injustice. Grudges can run especially deep if other people don’t seem to care about the consequences of their actions and don’t bother to apologize.
However, some folks are more likely than others to blame others and feel bitter, angry, and resentful for what has happened to them. Verywell Mind explains that people tend to be more likely to hold grudges if they have low self-esteem, poor coping skills, or a short temper. Others more likely to hold them are those individuals who end up being embarrassed.
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To put it bluntly, holding on to grudges is very harmful to your physical and mental health, as well as your social life. While forgiving the people who hurt you might seem like ‘giving up,’ moving on and healing from their actions is in your best interest. If the perpetrators of your hurt continue to live ‘rent-free’ in your mind, they’re chronically poisoning you, forcing you to be chronically stressed. The best revenge is a life well-lived. But it can take the help of a professional therapist to recover from what happened to you.
If you constantly relive traumatic events and you’re surrounded by negative emotions, you’re exhausting yourself. Continuously ruminating on unpleasant past events can lead to anxiety, depression, aggressive behavior, and mood disorders. Some other negative side effects include thoughts of self-harm and emotional dysregulation.
#7
#8
Then she started to change, got greedy and was taking money out of places she shouldn't.
Hired her daughter who honestly, was the most entitled person I have ever met.
I didn't see it for so long but I was doing 90% of the work and they were living the dream. I rarely took a wage!
I knew I had to leave when she started talking about how we can legally rip people off. I left the company (legally) and left her everything I had worked for for two years.
She got worse after I left. Ripped heaps of people off. Taken to court and forced into liquidation. She tried to tell people it was because I ran off with the money yet I left without a cent.
She has since been in the news and exposed for what she is .
I left that business/friendship feeling like I was leaving an abusive relationship. She had stolen my self confidence little by little over time that I barely even knew who I was anymore.
If you had met me before you would have called me strong and assertive. Afterwards I second guessed myself all the time.
It has been two years now. I am in a much better place and so glad I got out as I have no doubt she was just keeping me along to make me take the fall.
Her arrogance is something else. Thank goodness for excellent book keeping on my part!
#9
On a physical level, holding grudges and the chronic stress it brings can mess up your cardiovascular health and digestion. Furthermore, it can have a negative impact on your sleep, as well as your immune and reproductive systems.
Someone who is constantly reliving hurtful events and lives with anger every day can end up suffering from memory problems, worse cognition, and poorer decision-making skills. They might also deal with insomnia, headaches, upset stomachs, and asthma due to all of that stress.
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#12
Her relationship with her mom became much stronger and one of her friends really stepped up, but in the 10+ years since it has been difficult to watch her struggle still with the impact that diagnosis had on her life. She and her sister had made up a while ago and it's like nothing happened, but there are family members who we see but she just doesn't trust or think highly of anymore. And only recently did she just reconnect with that best friend, and only because the friend's husband finally got her to apologize 10 years later. But yeah, my wife's life is completely different than what she expected it would be when she was diagnosed. She's been in remission forever now, we have beautiful kids, we have a house, she has a great career... But it really showed the true colors of a lot of people in her life, and only having met her a couple years after she finished treatment I was there for a lot of the blowback still. I think dealing with a friend or family member who is dying of cancer is very hard and a part of her has forgiven those people who abandoned her, but the damage is still there. She still struggles with it. It's sad.
Meanwhile, on a social level, holding on to long-term grudges can break apart your (positive) relationships with your family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. To put it simply, if the people in your social circle perceive you as someone who holds grudges, they might be less willing to spend time with you.
On top of that, few people enjoy being around someone who is constantly venting and grumbling about how unfair life is. Relationships are a two-way street. There needs to be a give-and-take dynamic. Your friends should not feel like they’re unpaid therapists for your issues, no matter how tough they might be. They’re there to support you and give advice when needed, sure, but they’re not responsible for your overall mental and emotional health. We all have to take responsibility for those things ourselves.
#13
I’ll never forget that ever.
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Do you hold on to grudges or do you try to forgive, forget, and move on with your lives, dear Pandas? Has anyone done anything to you that you never forgave them for? What have you personally done to heal from hurtful experiences? If you’re feeling up for it, share your thoughts in the comments.
#16
In total, I spent 6 months being essentially held captive, as I wasn't allowed Internet access, and lived in an area without cell service unless I was at school.
Took me years to understand the trauma I went through. I spent nearly a decade as a volunteer for the organisation, but deep down, I hate it and want it to go bankrupt. I even worked my way up to being the interim leader of the org whilst it was struggling during the pandemic, and I almost managed to kill it, but they managed to get an emergency check from the government to keep it running.
So yeah, Sarah (contact person) and Gary (director of my region), f**k you both and I wish you nothing but the worst.
#17
I've cut so many people out and can't seem to trust people or let them in anymore. I'm so much quieter and reserved now. All I do is work and stay at home.
Edit: Just wanted to write that it's a shame so many people have this same experience. It's definitely easier once you cut people out. Thanks, everyone, for being so nice. I will work on being more sociable again.
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Yeah, I know that friendships will run a course and sometimes fall by the wayside.
I was there for her when her mom had pancreatic cancer, I was there for her when her dad's dementia took a turn for the worst, and I was there for her when her brother developed kidney cancer that metastasized.
Where was she when my dad started failing? And my mom? I have no idea. She stopped answering my calls, texts, and emails. We were friends for over 20 years. .