I (25F) been dating my boyfriend (28M) for around 1 year and 4 months. We dont officially live together but honestly he is in my apartment almost every single day now. He sleeps here maybe 5-6 nights every week, showers here, eats here, bring his gaming setup here sometimes, even his work clothes are in my closet now.
At first I didnt care because I love him and wanted him around. But lately it's starting make me feel stressed because my bills got much higher. Electric, water, food everything. I live alone and my apartment is small so I notice it alot.
The problem is whenever I try talk about money he gets weird and defensive.
Last week I asked if maybe he can help a little with rent or bills since he stays here more then his own place now. I tried say it very calmly. He got quiet first then started saying relationships should not feel “transactional” and if he starts paying then its “not romantic anymore.”
What confused me is he actually makes more money than me. Not crazy rich but still more stable. He buys expensive shoes and spends money on games and eating outside with friends, so its not like he is struggling.
Then yesterday something happened that made me more upset.
I came home from work and saw he invited 3 friends over to my apartment without asking me first. They were drinking beer, using my TV and ordered food with my account because he “forgot his wallet.” I got angry and after his friends left we argued badly.
He told me I’m acting like landlord instead of girlfriend.
I asked him then why does he act like my apartment is free hotel.
Now he barely talking to me and saying I embarrassed him.
My older sister (31F) says I already let this go too far and now he feels entitled to my place. But one of my friends (24M) says maybe he just got comfortable and I should have made clearer boundaries earlier.
How do people usually handle this when one partner slowly starts living at the others apartment? Is asking for rent/bills normal in this situation and how do I bring it up without making relationship feel like business deal?
At first I didnt care because I love him and wanted him around. But lately it's starting make me feel stressed because my bills got much higher. Electric, water, food everything. I live alone and my apartment is small so I notice it alot.
The problem is whenever I try talk about money he gets weird and defensive.
Last week I asked if maybe he can help a little with rent or bills since he stays here more then his own place now. I tried say it very calmly. He got quiet first then started saying relationships should not feel “transactional” and if he starts paying then its “not romantic anymore.”
What confused me is he actually makes more money than me. Not crazy rich but still more stable. He buys expensive shoes and spends money on games and eating outside with friends, so its not like he is struggling.
Then yesterday something happened that made me more upset.
I came home from work and saw he invited 3 friends over to my apartment without asking me first. They were drinking beer, using my TV and ordered food with my account because he “forgot his wallet.” I got angry and after his friends left we argued badly.
He told me I’m acting like landlord instead of girlfriend.
I asked him then why does he act like my apartment is free hotel.
Now he barely talking to me and saying I embarrassed him.
My older sister (31F) says I already let this go too far and now he feels entitled to my place. But one of my friends (24M) says maybe he just got comfortable and I should have made clearer boundaries earlier.
How do people usually handle this when one partner slowly starts living at the others apartment? Is asking for rent/bills normal in this situation and how do I bring it up without making relationship feel like business deal?