ParentingNOV 14, 2022

"That Child Was So Scared": Woman Hits Her Daughter’s Bully’s Mom In Front Of Her Child To Make Sure They Don’t Do It Again

Jurgita Dominauskaitė and Saulė Tolstych

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Being bullied is not a fun feeling, but what's even worse is when someone doesn’t believe you or nobody defends you. It happens a lot at schools when bullies don’t get punished and are just allowed to continue their behavior.

But this mom who was bullied herself was not allowing the same to happen to her children and when she went to meet her daughter’s bully’s mom, she wasn’t hesitant to become physical and threatened to do it again in front of the student who didn’t leave her child alone even if it wasn't right.

More info: TikTok

A video of a mom went viral as she told her experience of confronting her daughter's bully's mom with physical violence

Image credits: glacier_heart

Naquavia Brown has 95.2k followers on TikTok and shares various videos of her participating in viral trends, dancing, telling stories and showing her kids, mostly her daughter. Turns out that the teen that frequently shows herself on the account was being bullied at school and the mom just recently found out.

The daughter first went to her dad as she knew that her mom would have a “different” reaction. But the dad wasn’t going to hide such a thing and told Naquavia what was going on, and her first instinct was to meet with the bully and their parent.

The woman shared her interaction with the mom on TikTok and it went viral with 4.8M views, probably because nobody expected to hear about physical violence in a conversation concerning bullying. Not only did it go viral on TikTok, but it blew up on Twitter as well when user Jasmine K. shared it.

The mom recently found out her daughter was being bullied at school and arranged a meeting with the student and the parent

Image credits: naquaviabrown

What happened was that the bully’s mom started saying, “Are we really in here arguing about a bald-headed little—” and wasn’t given an opportunity to finish her sentence when Naquavia, horrified at the mom’s comment on her daughter’s appearance regarding her alopecia, “popped her.”

Then the TikToker turned to her daughter’s bully and threatened to beat her mother every day if the student ever bothers her daughter again. It seems that the solution worked as the daughter never complained about unfair treatment anymore, although we are always told that violence is never the answer.

This led the mom to believe that this is a good way to solve the problem and gave other parents advice: “Y’all have to start beating up parents in front of their children so that the children know to leave people alone because their mama can’t help them.”

The bully's parent wasn't taking it seriously and was going to demean her daughter when Naquavia slapped her

Image credits: naquaviabrown

In a follow-up video, Naquavia responded with a stitch to some other TikTokers calling her a bully and saying they were sorry for her daughter. The videos are not available anymore, but the mom’s response still is.

In that video, she expresses that she wasn’t wrong for what she did and even the police didn’t arrest her or put her in jail. In fact, she believes that the bully’s mom should be arrested for knowing her child is a bully and allowing this behavior to continue.

The woman has three children and she feels that it’s her responsibility to stand up for them because she remembers how she was bullied for years and nobody cared enough to do something even after she tried to take her own life multiple times.

Turning to the child, she said that she will do it again if the bullying won't stop

Image credits: naquaviabrown

Parents including physical violence when they are trying to solve a conflict is not usual and feels wrong as you wouldn't teach your child to be violent. But could this behavior be justified? Violence doesn’t come only in its physical form and you are allowed to defend yourself, matching the level with the other person according to Andrea Borghini, who has a Ph.D. in philosophy. He shares his perspective on ThoughtCo.

He says that “The most plausible justification of violence is when it is perpetrated in return of other violence.” And in mild versions, “to a punch you may be legitimate to respond with a punch; yet, to mobbing (a form of psychological, verbal violence, and institutional), you are not justified in replying with a punch (a form of physical violence).”

But if it’s not a mild version, “in the name of self-defense, violence of any kind may be justified in reply to the violence of any other kind, provided there is a somewhat fair use of the violence exercised in self-defense.” So the question is if the bully's mom words were cruel enough to justify the violent reaction?

Image credits: naquaviabrown

Although the philosopher would justify violence in some scenarios, but Miranda Banks, a performance psychologist, never recommends violence because more often than not it escalates the situation.

She told Bored Panda that "It ends up in the place where the biggest/strongest is likely to win. Or the one with the weapon. Whilst it is undeniable that the threat of violence can be enough to keep actors from acting (see the case argued for keeping nuclear weapons), it is a far riskier strategy than others."

Another thing to consider here as well is the legal issue of assault. The psychologist added, "I’m not sure that the little girl would feel so good if her mom were charged with assault." But this wouldn't be the only thing to affect the teen in such a situation.

Although Miranda believes that the girl's first reaction was relief and she was thankful for her mom defending her, "The problem is that the mom didn’t teach her little girl how the little girl could win battles – other than to ask her mom. That’s not building resilience or independence or effective problem-solving strategies. It’s employing a ‘goon’ to fight your battles. It just happens to be mom in this case."

Overall, the expert believes that the way the mom handled the situation was wrong, "Children look to adults as role models for how to live. If violence is enacted or condoned, then another child grows up believing that violence is the best answer to a problem."

This was what it took to make the bullying stop and Naquavia advises others to take the same actions

Image credits: naquaviabrown

You can listen to the mom telling her experience in the video below

Miranda doesn't agree with the method that the mom chose to defend her daughter, but she does understand her, "My heart goes out to both the little girl and her mom, despite my comments on her mom’s attack on the bully’s mom. It looks like the little girl’s mom simply didn’t know what else to do to stop the situation. This is a lack of education for how to effectively tackle bullying behaviour. I fully understand the mom wishing to protect her little girl. Absolutely totally get it."

Understanding someone doesn't mean you agree with their actions, "What is evident is the need for effective education for how to tackle bullying for both children and adults. If not, violence escalates; becomes vengeful… and boundaries can be crossed in moments when emotions run high with consequences that no one would wish for."

Most people both in Naquavia’s TikTok comments and in the Twitter thread thought that the mom was justified in this situation and only few saw wrong in the woman's actions. They were on the mom’s side because in their experience, sometimes it’s the only thing that works and the only thing that leads to some kind of change. Others considered the mom's reaction to be assault and were weirded out about her threatening a child. They also added that an adult should have more self-control.

We would like to hear your thoughts. Was the mom right for using the method she did to stop her daughter from being bullied? Do you think her reaction was too strong and there was no need to put her hands on another person? Let us know in the comments.