Many of us have grown up on a steady diet of chintzy romance movies, happily ever afters, and, if that wasn't enough, romance novels that would keep us awake late at night dreaming of our Prince Charming. However, one of the biggest misconceptions about love is that, with the right person, it feels like a fairy tale, not like the one where Little Red Riding Hood is simply eaten by the wolf, but the Disney-ified versions.
This is ironic, considering that the 'original' fairy tale versions are much closer to reality than the altered ones. Hence the idea of a fairy tale has also shifted, suggesting that a fairy tale is better than reality. This is also where many relationship myths stem from—the belief that the prince of a faraway kingdom will save you from all the travail in life. To think of it like that is simply delusional. The many myths about love and relationships are either black or white, leaving no room for grey areas. Well, this is not how life works. These marriage myths and common misconceptions about love have very little (or nothing) to back their factuality. Even water doesn't exist in just a single shape. It's a shape-shifter. And so is love. And so are relationships. Hence, these myths about love and relationships should never be taken at face value. That which proved true for someone might not work for others simply because there are no universal solutions to fit everyone.
Below, we've compiled a list of some of the most common misconceptions about love and relationships that need to be debunked ASAP. What relationship myths have you heard that sounded absurd or proved themselves wrong? Let us know in the comments. Also, if you are interested in the subject, be sure to check out our previous article featuring bad relationship advice that you should probably think twice about before applying to your life.
#1
You should never feel attracted to anyone but your partner.
Just because you're married or in a committed relationship does not indicate that you will stop being attracted to other people. You could still occasionally feel drawn to someone else. What you do with that emotion or lust is what matters. While you may experience feelings of attraction, the mature move that keeps your relationship at the forefront is not acting on those feelings, i.e., not cheating or flirting mercilessly.
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#2
Love should be a fairy tale.
Although relationships should be a wellspring of beauty and growth, they are often messy and complicated. Very few aspects of life are like a fairy tale, so letting go of the notion that our romantic relationships should be perfect in every way is essential. It may sometimes feel like it, but love is not a fairy tale, even though imagining it that way is super romantic. The most beautiful aspects of a love tale are the real elements.
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#3
There’s one special someone for everyone.
The idea that there is just one person out there for everyone is arguably the most far-fetched romantic fib that exists. One individual? Among billions? It doesn't make any sense. There are plenty of people with whom you could get along; your paths just never crossed (yet). Imagine having to wait around for the right single to come along in today's climate when dating is already difficult enough. It would be quite a daunting prospect.
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#4
If you have to work on communication, it’s a sign that you’re not compatible.
The relationship will degrade over time if you don't work on communication, much like a car that isn't maintained will break apart sooner or later. Every relationship needs effort, and communication is just one of the things that you and your partner might have to work with if it's not so great from the get-go. Listening to your partner and taking down your defensive walls when you need to takes effort.
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#5
If you have a strong relationship, you should always feel happy.
No matter how little you quarrel or how much you love each other’s presence, this is unrealistic. Finding lasting happiness requires finding a balance in all facets of your life, which goes beyond just having a good relationship. A healthy relationship helps with contentment, but it’s just one piece of the jigsaw.
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#6
Your feelings won't ever change in the right relationship.
By their very nature, feelings are fleeting and subject to change. Does this imply that you'll one day stop loving your partner? It's possible, though highly unlikely. But what it does suggest is that you could go through times when you don't feel in love or as much in love as you did in the early stages of your relationship. Your feelings for your partner may be dwindling. And you could experience an emotional jolt at other times. These ups and downs are typical in a long-term relationship. Hence, don't be alarmed when your partnership undergoes different stages and changes.
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#7
A good relationship is supposed to make you feel better.
We assume that being with our partner would instantly improve things and lift our spirits whether we are having a terrible day or are in a foul mood. Even if you're in a beautiful relationship, you must realize it's OK to feel depressed about other parts of your life. Also, some single individuals may believe that having a love companion at their side will make them feel better overall. There is life beyond love, a lesson many of us need to understand.
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#8
There’s no love like your first love.
As with many "firsts" in life, the "first love" is often very special, yet it's typically over-romanticized. Realize that your first love usually happens while you're young and, let's face it, immature. Hence, even while the novelty of your first relationship may provide some fireworks and excitement, comparing all subsequent relationships to it is not a good idea. Don't exalt your first love. You will better understand yourself and what it means to love and commit to another person as you mature as an individual and a partner.
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#9
If a relationship needs therapy, it’s already too late.
There were 689,308 divorces overall in the 45 U.S. states that reported this data in 2021. Probably most of the couples didn't even consider therapy as a way to mend their relationship. However, how many could have been saved? According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 97.1% of polled clients stated couples counseling gave them the support they needed, and more than 80% of respondents reported good results from relationship therapy. Even if it won't save the relationship, it's very much worth giving a try.
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#10
Fighting is a sign of an ill-fated relationship.
Today, the majority of people are aware that occasional conflict and disagreement are not only natural but actually beneficial for a relationship. It's all about striking the right balance and making sure that your disagreements are constructive and respectful. Don't avoid disagreements; instead, use them as a tool to improve and fix the loopholes in your relationship.
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#11
Having a baby will fix your relationship.
Many couples experiencing difficulties in their marriage believe that having a child would resolve their problems. Sadly, this approach is poorly thought out. A baby won't improve communication, so be completely honest with yourself and each other about what's happening before you decide to have a child as a last-ditch attempt to fix your marriage. Don't put pressure on someone who hasn't even come into this world.
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#12
There should be no secrets in a relationship.
Relationship advice along the lines of "tell your partner everything, keep no secrets" is something we hear constantly. While lying and cheating have no place in a healthy relationship, you don't have to disclose every little detail of your thoughts and feelings. For instance, you don't have to describe to your partner in great detail an episode when someone was hitting on you. Or they don't need to know that you actually don't like their favorite pair of jeans. It's OK to keep to yourself a few innocent secrets, which are essentially not secrets at all, just some trivial stuff that isn't worth starting the conversation about.
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#13
You should never go to bed angry.
We often say things we don't always mean when things become heated. It's actually recommended to take some time to unwind before talking about something that made you upset. If you allow it some time to cool off as you sleep on it, whatever it is will probably not look like as big of a deal in the morning. However, try to gather the words and let your partner know that you'd rather continue the conversation in the morning, especially if your partner is prone to overthinking.
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#14
Love is shown through big gestures and expensive gifts.
It seems so romantic to see men serenade women in a packed building, toss rocks outside their windows to profess their everlasting love, and put their lives in danger to be with them. And because most women crave romance, they have romantic love fantasies similar to what they read in books. These elaborate, movie-style gestures don't convey romance. It's not in a guy jumping through flames to give a woman one last kiss or receiving mountains of gifts. Love is often silent. It may be seen in how someone treats us and prioritizes our needs over their own. It's in the small, subtle gestures that are easy for us to overlook.
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#15
No one will love you just as you are.
Feelings of worthlessness, which frequently result from unresolved past experiences, might make you think that changing is the only way to build a connection. On the other hand, openness and honesty result in the strongest, most genuine friendships. You will feel the most at ease when you are sure the other person acknowledges and embraces who you truly are.
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#16
You need to always feel the "spark.”
Although relationships often start with intensely fluttering hearts and frenzied eagerness, gradually, those heartbeats settle down. The love becomes stronger but doesn't subside. Many individuals worry about no longer feeling the "spark," failing to see that it has been replaced with a deeper and longer-lasting form of attachment. You can keep rekindling that flame, but love evolves and matures throughout the relationship.
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#17
The proposal must come as a surprise and must be big.
In today's "promposal" culture, even receiving a prom invitation needs a special event. As a result, we've come to the conclusion that an engagement proposal needs to be, well, out of this world. This puts a lot of unnecessary strain on all parties involved. Yes, make it unique and romantic, but don't spend all your money or drive yourself crazy trying to make something that will go viral. Having said that, proposals don't always have to be a surprise. We're confident that most actual engagements were, at the very least, partially discussed and planned before the proposal. This makes sense in a time when it's usual for couples to share a bed before becoming engaged or married and when it's becoming more typical for both partners to play an equal, active part in planning their shared future.
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#18
Couples in a great relationship can read each other’s minds.
As thrilling as that would be, most of us aren't psychics. It is unfair and naive to assume that your partner will know exactly what you need or feel like at any given time. Yeah, you've been together for quite a while and could be familiar with one another's preferences. Still, you cannot always assume you will understand the other person's feelings or the reasons behind their emotions.
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#19
Talking about past emotional wounds will only make them worse.
You can't change the past, but you can heal the past in the present by doing the work on yourself. Therapy, self-help books, meditation—there are plenty of tools available at your disposal to stop past wounds from impeding your current relationships. In a new relationship, it's important to stop dwelling on the past. However, certain matters, even (and especially) unpleasant ones, are still important to discuss. You should talk about your health, problems that could hinder having kids, and disabling conditions that would make engaging in particular activities challenging. Also, your partner has a right to know whether past financial issues might imperil your relationship.
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#20
Romance should always come naturally.
The excitement of being in love might wear off after some time, and romantic gestures may appear to be few and far between. But comfort shouldn’t be misinterpreted as a lack of chemistry. While it might require some work to rekindle the romance that first flowed easily, a little forethought can get things moving once again. The flame might have lit itself first, but now it’s your job to fire things up.
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