Almost all kids look at their parents as role models. Growing up, they are our heroes and their opinion and reassurance are the most important things in the world. While getting older, we tend to care what our parents think less and less and we already see them through a different perspective. Now, they are more flawed and maybe not as perfect as they looked in our childhood. Unfortunately, even if we don’t remember much from our childhood, hurtful things that were said by our parents may be engraved in our memories for a while. A passing remark made by our parents may alter how we perceive ourselves or deter us from pursuing our passions. Sadly, most of the hurtful things that we heard in childhood evolve and can have an impact on us for the rest of our lives.
In this online group, members shared their not-so-pleasant memories that they heard from their parents but are still stuck in their head as an adult. Here are 41 of them for you to check out, hopefully none of which you can relate to.
More info: Reddit
#1
My little brother was drowning, I tried to save him but also almost drowned, we got rescued by a neighbour. My mom told me that they should've left me in the pond. I haven't spoken to her in many years
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#2
"you can't even laugh right"
My mom in a weird moment I thought we were bonding. There's something inherently extra evil when someone tells you your joy is wrong
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#3
My dad, very recently, told me (33F) that "I don't have a career and that I was only hired as a charity case". The hardest part is that my dad is normally really supportive and kind and this was not said in anger.
I am a project mgr at a real estate development company that my FIL owns. I have a university degree in a related field (landscape architecture and urban planning) & project mgmt experience from a previous job. I never planned on working for my FIL.
I am getting paid about 1/2 of what I could be making if I worked for another company.
I am sticking it out because my husband and his brothers deserve to inherit the company (their dad uses the inheritance as a way to control them and they have put in so, so much free labour despite never being paid by the company & working FT in completely separate careers). I'm worried my FILs semi-recent drinking habit, mixed with his unrelenting narcissism is going to lead to him squandering the business so I'm staying to keep tabs on it.
I know no one is going to read this. It still feels good to get off my chest.
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#4
I asked my parents why they gave my sister a lot of money for college and not me. My dad said, "we never thought you could finish."
I have a doctorate now and no student loans ever.
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#5
She told me I was acting just like my father when I would get upset. I would just get kinda pissy and sulk. He would go on rampages and scream and hit and throw things. He pushed her down the stairs once. I would never lay a finger on my current partner.
The worst part is I look just like him. I was wondering if my mother always expected me to turn into my dad. I prove her wrong every day.
The worst part is I look just like him. I was wondering if my mother always expected me to turn into my dad. I prove her wrong every day.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who shared their own stories. It's good to know I'm not alone. Also, to the people suggesting I had previous partners I would actually abuse, I can understand the wording could have been better but how dare you.
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#6
“You’re so annoying.” Said to me as a young kid while I was expressing enthusiasm over some new interest. Later my father complains I never tell him anything.
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#7
In 7th grade, I was learning how to write better poetry thanks to an awesome teacher. I was so proud of a collection I made, so I let my mom read it. She asked me, “Do you need to be put in a mental asylum?” I was so upset and as I was growing up, I didn’t share any of my art with people, regardless of the medium. Even now, I still hear how serious she was when she asked me that.
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#9
Not me, but a friend after her dad had died. She told her mom that she missed her daddy; I say daddy because she was roughly 8 at the time. "You miss him so much? If you ever say that to me again I swear I'll chain you to his gravestone!"
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#10
When I was 14, and struggling with depression. "You're just a psychopath who will die alone cause nobody will ever love you"
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#11
Mom was talking to dad about me while I was right there. I was bullied in high school and it had an effect on my grades. While discussing my education she said:
“Look at him. Can’t you see there’s nothing in there? Just look at how he sits there. He can’t do this. He’s not capable of more. This is it. He’s nothing.”
It gave me a drive and motivation. It also gave me a constant need to prove myself.
EDIT: I never imagined this to get so much replies. For the people wondering: this happened almost 20 years ago and I have now found peace with what she said. My mom has a lot of mental issues but she tries her best. She’s made a lot of progress and is still working on battling her inner demons. And in the end: she has since done a lot more good than bad to me. I will never forget what she said but I no longer hold it against her. People shouldn’t always be reduced to their worst moment.
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#12
Why can't you just be normal? I loved art, film, writing & performing. I listened, now I'm 46, stuck in a civil service job that I loathe & unhappy. Wish I hadn't listened.
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#13
When I was ~10 years old, my mum once said “If I could go back in time and make sure I never gave birth to you, I would in a heartbeat”
Never forgot it. Talked to her a about it a couple of times years later and her responses ranged from “That never happened” to “oh yeah and I suppose I’m just the worst mother ever” and finally “yeah but I didn’t mean it, you know that”
Messed me up tho tbh. Another one was “[older sibling] was the only child we actually planned for, the rest of you were accidents.” I don’t think it was intended as an insult, but being told your entire existence was an accident as a child kinda stung.
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#14
I’m a waste of sperm apparently.
Not sure what else they’re doing with their sperm but.. ok.
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#15
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Not really an insult but is what I’d hear any time I had a negative emotion. Having emotions was grounds for punishment. Now whenever I’m sad I hear that voice in my head.
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#16
My father is very good at maths. Especially at doing it in his head. I always was self-conscious about that. One hike in the mountains he gave me a math problem and I went totally blank, tried to frantically solve it in my head but couldn't. Finally he said "You once were intelligent, that's long gone." starting a monologue about how dumb I am.
I was 13 at the time.
In my end thirties we had a chat about chemistry, which I excelled in at school. That led to other subjects and it turned out, he wasn't really good in any subject we shared, except math. I was in most - except math.
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#17
I was probably 14, it was ‘97 or ‘98, and I was walking up the stairs one afternoon. My dad was on the landing, looked at me, paused and said “your forehead. It’s ‘gettin zitty with it.’”
I’ve told him about how it’s something I still think about now that I’m an adult. He has zero recollection of something I remember so vividly.
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.
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#18
It's taken quite some time to accept that this isn't true but being told I'm selfish and arrogant for speaking about things I might like, or how I'm feeling when I was a young child. Growing up it was more speak of when you were spoken to as you had no real reason to speak otherwise unless you were going to risk being screamed at or physically hurt, and I only ever had sentences based around me saying sorry, thank you and please.
As an adult now, even when someone wants to listen to what I have to say I still occasionally unintentionally cut myself off and stop talking out of fear. And the fact that someone is actually willing to listen to what I have to say - but I'm working through it >:D
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#19
I was an only child and lonely. When I asked for a sibling, the response was "if you want to know why we don't have more kids, go look in the mirror".
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#20
My parents divorced when I was young and they hate each other. My mom would call me my dad's name when she was really upset. What makes it worse is that I confided in her that I never wanted to be like my dad. She used that ammunition against me
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