It's never fun when a marriage ends. Whether on good terms or not so amicably, there now are a lot of decisions to make. In cases where the idea of divorce is not mutual, it can be harder to reach a compromise.
People can have different ideas of what life should look like after splitting up. Some may find it painful to maintain contact, others might think there shouldn't be any major changes at all.
This woman's wife made an unusual demand after asking for a divorce. To get some advice on what to do, the woman went to Reddit and asked the internet's opinion.
There are a lot of things couples need to consider after they decide to get a divorce
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
A woman asked the internet whether she'd be an AH for moving out of the house after her wife asked for a divorce
Image credits: Brett Sayles (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: InColour-0331
There are two main reasons why divorced couples might decide to continue living together. One of them is children
Parents may wish to minimize the disruption of their kids' lives during the process of divorce. But the situation is a little different when one person in the marriage is a stepparent.
Legally, in the US, while the divorce is ongoing, the stepparent has the same obligations as during the marriage. These obligations vary from state to state, but in general, they don't include much. "Once a stepparent is divorced from a biological parent, the stepparent is typically expected to sever ties," Hello Divorce writes.
If a stepparent wishes to secure their right as a caregiver, they should consider adoption. Then, in the face of a divorce, they may demand visitation rights and custody, or become their guardian in the event of the biological parent's death.
Yet, a child cannot have three parents. Adoption is viable in instances where one of the parents is no longer alive. Another possibility is if the court sees the biological parent as unfit or a dangerous influence.
Stepparents who wish to maintain a relationship with their stepchildren are legally called "persons with a legitimate interest." They may seek to secure custody or visitation rights. In most cases, these rights will most likely come with financial obligations for securing a future for the child.
Family finances are another pressing issue while the divorce is being finalized
Financial security can be a big factor for couples who decide to live together after a divorce. Even if the split is amicable and there are no divorce attorney fees. A two-income household is especially beneficial when one partner earns more than the other.
In these cases, living together becomes even trickier. Marriage counselors recommend setting very clear boundaries with your ex-partner. "Agreeing on how, when, and why the resources should be redistributed is a crucial issue," writes Ph.D. and clinical psychologist Randi Gunther for Psychology Today.
Although that's easier said and done. These conversations can be very stressful and result in arguments and hurt feelings. Gunther advises separating the earnings made by each individual. After all, the family unit is no longer there.
"What was once a common chest of available resources now morphs into two separate, private stashes, often withheld from the other," she writes. "The couple has to put together a common budget for the expenses they continue to share while relinquishing access to anything beyond that."
It's not uncommon for divorced couples to remain in the same living arrangement
Co-parenting and financial stability aside, there can be other reasons to stay together after divorce. It's possible one (or both) parties still have some unresolved feelings. Statistically, 10-15% of divorced couples get back together.
If exes get married again, there's only a 30% chance they'll get divorced. Compared to the 60% rate of regular second marriages, that suggests a renewed marriage might be stronger than it was before the divorce.
Some couples wish to live together because of religious or cultural beliefs. Divorce is still a stigma in some circles, so couples choose to stay together to avoid embarrassment and judgment.
Living together after divorce can also be a temporary solution. Whether until one of the exes finds a new home, or until the divorce goes through. If it's a mutual decision, it might work even for a longer time than expected, writes Gunther.
The OP also clarified some things in the comments
Commenters assured her she is NTA and suggested she move out as quickly as possible
