Ask any parent, and they’ll tell you that they love each of their children equally. Regardless of gender, the child’s interests and where they fall in the birth order, parents have room in their hearts for all of their little ones. Well, they should.
One concerned father recently reached out to Mumsnet for advice after becoming fed up with the favoritism his wife has shown towards their youngest daughter. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.
Parents are expected to love each of their children equally
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But when this father noticed the blatant favoritism his wife was showing towards their youngest, he had to speak up
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40% of Americans who have siblings believe that their parents have a favorite child
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
According to a recent meta-analysis by researchers at Brigham Young University looking into preferential treatment parents can show towards their children, plenty of mothers and fathers tend to favor one child, even if they don’t realize it.
The researchers found that “agreeable or conscientious children tend to be favored,” and first-born children are often given more freedom and autonomy. Girls tend to be favored over boys as well, possibly because they’re often easier to parent, the researchers surmised.
The Institute for Family Studies also reports that 40% of Americans who grew up with siblings believe that their parents had a favorite child. Women are more likely to feel this way, as 45% say their parents showed favoritism towards one of their siblings. And children of divorce are even more likely to believe that their parents had a favorite, as 51% feel this way.
As far as who is typically the favorite, one third of men believe that they were Mom and Dad’s golden child, while only 23% of women think they were the favorite. Youngest children are more likely to believe that they were their parents’ favorite, while middle children are the least likely to feel this way.
While many parents undoubtedly have no idea that their children believe they’re playing favorites, that doesn’t minimize the impact that this preferential treatment can have on kids from a young age. The Toledo Parent notes that showing favoritism towards one child can breed unhealthy sibling rivalry.
Less-favored siblings may feel the need to compete with their siblings for attention, and they might begin to take out their frustration with their parents on their brother or sister. They can become jealous, and may view their sibling as their enemy. They might even feel the need to undermine the golden child in an attempt to make them feel incapable and inadequate.
Parental favoritism can impact children for the rest of their lives
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At the same time, the favored sibling might develop a sense of entitlement after receiving special treatment for years. They might believe that they’re exempt from certain rules or that they deserve more than their siblings. Meanwhile, their brothers and sisters might develop insecurities from always being treated like second-class siblings.
The favorite child may develop an over reliance on validation, and they might not know how to function without being praised constantly. This praise can also do them a disservice if it means their parents are putting increased pressure and expectations onto them.
Barbara Greenberg, PhD, notes in a piece for Psychology Today that it’s not uncommon for parents to have a favorite child, whether they realize it or not. But this becomes a problem is when the children become cognizant of the fact that they’re not being treated equally.
So how can we prevent favoritism from negatively impacting our families? East Lake Pediatrics recommends rotating special privileges, so each child gets to enjoy them equally. It’s also a good idea for parents to praise each child’s individual strengths, rather than ever comparing them to their siblings.
There should be consistent rules in the household for all siblings to follow, and kids should be taught that fairness doesn’t always mean identical treatment. And if one child begins to feel like they’re being treated unfairly, they should feel comfortable bringing their concerns up to their parents, rather than stewing in silence.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this father was right to remove his eldest daughter from her mother? Feel free to weigh in, and then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar issues right here.
Readers wanted some more information, so the dad joined in on the conversation in the comments
Many shared sympathy for the father and assured him that he was doing the right thing by protecting his eldest daughter
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Later, the father shared a brief update on his situation
