If you live together and are engaged to be married in a few months' time, it's almost a given that you sleep in the same bed as your partner. Unless, of course, you're part of the sleep-in-separate-rooms crew, which the woman in the following story is not.
She's 28 years old and says there's a family vacation coming up 3 months before her big day. She and her fiancée are contributing $1,200 to the shared accommodation. Now, her mother has told her that they cannot share a room or bed, and if they want to do so, they'll need to find alternative accommodation. Bored Panda reached out to Etiquette Expert Rosalinda Randall to hear how she believes everyone should handle the situation.
They've bought a house together and are getting married soon
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
But her mom refuses to acknowledge their relationship and says they can't share a bed during an upcoming family vacation
Image credits: Teona Swift / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Leeloo The First / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: babygreenbean1225
She later revealed that, ironically, her parents think her fiancée is the best person she's ever dated
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
"This seems like your mother’s last hope to take a stand against this impending marriage": an expert weighs in
"We forget how much our words affect our children, even as adults." Those are the words of Etiquette Expert Rosalinda Randall when Bored Panda relays the story to her.
Randall feels the mother needs some serious introspection and should ask herself why she dislikes her daughter's partner. Are they disrespectful? Are they a leech who lives off your daughter's money? Is there an alcohol or substance issue at play?
"If your answer is 'no' to all the above, I strongly urge you to reconsider your feelings toward them," advises the expert. "What is the deeper unspoken reason? Is it your daughter with whom you have an unresolved issue or resentment toward her choices? Figure it out before it’s too late."
Randall goes on to say that while the daughter may pacify her mom now, once she is married, her marriage will likely take priority, and all decisions will be made as a couple. "You may lose the fragile relationship you currently have," she warns the mom.
She tells us that she can respect if it's a case of religious convictions that forbid premarital cohabitation.
"However, under these circumstances, where everyone is pitching in toward the rental house, no one can enforce their personal rules, not even if it’s your signature," Randall says. "Now, if you pay the entire rental fee, you could set some rules down if you want to run the risk of losing your family or having them cancel."
The expert says she feels for the woman.
"This seems like the mother’s last hope to take a stand against this impending marriage," she told us. "It must be sad to know that her parents are not in favor of their relationship."
Randall was surprised to hear the parents might not attend the wedding. "Unless there is a compelling reason, threatening a daughter that you may not attend her wedding is cruel," she said. She added that she wonders whether the mother is using the “separate bedrooms” rule as a form of manipulation, in a bid to make her daughter earn her RSVP.
We asked the expert where she believes people should draw the line between respecting family's wishes and honoring their own relationships or marriages.
"Whether it is a request or a command depends on the person receiving it and how it’s being presented to them. Some individuals are willing to go along to preserve peace and maintain the relationship," she replied. "It also matters who is making the request, the length of time required, and whether they express gratitude when adhering to their rules. If your house rules are disrespected but you want to maintain a relationship, meet in a neutral location, so no one has the right to make up rules."
Randall said she'd warn the mother not to let her own trauma, envy, control, or bitterness spread into her relationships.
"Parents want the best for their children," she told Bored Panda. "Maybe who they choose to marry isn’t who you wished for. Are your restrictions or preferences so rigid that you are prepared to become estranged from each other?"
Many sided with the couple, and some felt the mother's ultimatum reeked of homophobia
Some felt that her she'd be the jerk if she agreed to sleep in a separate bed
