Most parents love each of their children equally. They may have unique relationships with all of them, but that doesn’t mean that there’s ever any lack of love. But what about stepchildren? Is it possible for parents to care just as much about their spouse’s kiddos?
One mom was recently accused of favoritism by her stepdaughter after putting an immense amount of effort into her son’s bedroom. Now, she’s beginning to wonder if she should have done more for her husband’s daughter. Below, you’ll find all of the details that the mother posted on Reddit, as well as a conversation between her and Bored Panda.
Despite not being her parent, this mom has a great relationship with her stepdaughter
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
But when the girl noticed how much effort was being put into her brother's bedroom, she began to wonder if her stepmom was playing favorites
Image credits: Planet Volumes / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: George Milton / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ImpossibleScallion12
"She's a pretty awesome kid"
To find out more about this situation, we got in touch with the mom who shared this post on Reddit, ImpossibleScallion12. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and share even more details about her situation.
Since she posted an update about the new plan for her stepdaughter's room, she says that the situation has, thankfully, been resolved. "We're waiting on the wall mural to be delivered, and we've ordered her mirrors. So once we load those up, it'll match her personality much more."
We were also curious about how this mother's relationship with her stepdaughter typically is. "I've always been of the mind that she didn't get to choose me being in her life, so I let her choose what kind of relationship we have," the author shared. "She's the type of kid who will randomly kiss my head if I'm sitting on the couch, she was just having a hard time. She's a pretty awesome kid."
We also asked ImpossibleScallion12 what she thought of the replies to her post. "I always knew I'd have to make things right. Her dad was right about the bed and dresser he bought being good quality, and they were designed to last. But that doesn't mean we can't do something cool. That's the benefit of buying a house."
Finally the mom wanted to defend her husband. "My husband is an amazing father to both of his kids. His boundary setting was entirely reasonable; she doesn't see me as her mother and never will because I'm not," the author explained.
"But he still expects her to respect me the same as any other family member and will absolutely pull her up if her behavior lapses, as it is our job as adults to guide and educate," she continued. "The cost was mostly because I am a spender. And I still would have happily paid for both of the kids' rooms. Paying for half of my stepdaughter's was more than he wanted to contribute, that was the compromise. He's not actually cheap."
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It's common for jealousy to creep in when a younger sibling joins the family
Preparing a child for life with a younger sibling isn’t always easy. They might be thrilled about Mommy and Daddy bringing home a new baby, or they might be terrified of getting less attention and having to share their parents’ time with someone new. It’s a huge change for the entire family, so Child Mind Institute recommends bringing up this topic delicately with older siblings.
It’s important not to oversell the new baby, as having one around will be a lot of work and, quite frankly, might be annoying at times for their sibling. It can be helpful for parents to set aside special time to spend with their older children, and involving them in the process might keep them from feeling left out.
However, it’s perfectly normal for older kids to experience some regression when there’s a new baby around. They might not need constant attention, but they’ll want to remind Mom and Dad that they certainly still need them. And if jealousy starts to bubble up in older siblings, Utah State University has some advice for how to ease the tension.
First, it’s important to make an effort to understand the child’s feelings. Make it clear that you see where they’re coming from, and you hear their concerns. If they want to be more involved, let them be. And make sure there’s always time for them to be with mom and dad one-on-one.
It can be helpful to keep your older children’s routines as stable as possible as well, so they don’t feel like their life has been flipped upside down overnight. And providing them with a space of their own can work wonders. If they want to be alone, away from the baby and all of his or her toys, they should have a safe space to play, relax or read.
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Favoritism within families can take a huge toll on relationships
If possible, it’s best to celebrate the bond between siblings, as it may help your children grow closer together. Because when they begin to feel like Mom and Dad are playing favorites, their relationship can quickly go south.
According to a survey from the Institute for Family Studies, forty percent of Americans who grew up with siblings believe that their parents had a favorite child. And apparently, women are 10% more likely to perceive favoritism among siblings than men are.
But this favoritism can take a huge toll on the family. In fact, less than half of Americans who believe that their mom and dad had a favorite say that they’re satisfied with the relationship they have with their parents.
So what can parents do to prevent their little ones from feeling like they’re playing favorites? Fatherly notes that it’s usually not possible to spend the exact same amount of time with each child, so it’s better to focus on quality time rather than quantity. As long as each child feels loved, supported and close to both parents, it’s unlikely that they’ll feel like anyone is being shown favoritism.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar family drama right here.
Later, the mom responded to several comments and provided more details about the situation
Many readers thought that she was innocent, instead calling out her husband for the part he played
However, some readers thought that both parents had made poor choices
Finally, the mom shared an update revealing that she had created a new plan with her stepdaughter
Image credits: karlyukav / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ImpossibleScallion12
Exhausted by family or in-law drama like this one? Visit our Family Dynamics Hub for expert-backed guides on toxic relatives, parenting styles, and personal boundaries.