Some mistakes can be fixed with time, an apology, or a sincere effort to make things right. Others leave damage that cannot be undone, no matter how much a person regrets what happened.
Seven years ago, one woman ruined her best friend’s life and destroyed their relationship in the process. Now that her former friend has passed away, she wants to attend the funeral. Her mother, however, is begging her to stay away because her presence may only cause the grieving family more pain.
Seven years ago, the woman destroyed her relationship with her best friend
Image credits: prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
Now, she wants to attend her funeral, but her mother fears her presence will turn an already painful day into a complete mess
Image credits: magnific (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Intrepid_Deal_3534
Friends are often the last people we expect to betray us, which is why it hurts so much when they do
Losing a friend can be incredibly painful. Sadly, it is also far from uncommon. According to a YouGov survey, 68% of Americans have ended a friendship at some point.
Part of what makes these breakups so difficult is that friends become deeply connected to our sense of belonging. Rebecca Schwartz-Mette, a clinical psychologist who studies friendships and mental health, told The Cut that being accepted by others is one of our most basic needs.
When we are young, we usually look to our families for acceptance. As we grow older, friends begin to play a much bigger role in our emotional lives.
Unlike family, friends are people we choose. That can make their presence especially meaningful because neither person is obligated to stay. We choose each other and grow closer over time.
Friends often hear the things we do not feel comfortable sharing with others, and we may turn to them when life at home becomes difficult. As Schwartz-Mette explained to The Cut, some friendships can even become more emotionally intimate than romantic relationships.
All of that trust raises the stakes when something goes wrong. A betrayal from a friend can leave someone questioning the entire relationship and wondering whether they were wrong to trust that person.
Schwartz-Mette told The Cut that it can also make people doubt their own judgment. They may ask themselves how they failed to see what the other person was capable of.
That pain is more than a figure of speech. According to Schwartz-Mette, the brain reacts in very similar ways to physical pain and social rejection. Emotional hurt can cause the body to release stress hormones, raise a person’s heart rate and leave them feeling physically unwell. That is one reason friendship breakups can stay with people for much longer than others expect.
Dr. Jennifer Freyd, a psychology professor at the University of Oregon, told The Guardian that betrayal by a friend is agonizing because the person who should have offered comfort becomes the source of harm. She coined the term “betrayal trauma” to describe the damage that can come from being hurt by someone we depended on.
This is what makes the accusation against Kelly so serious. Her friend had known her for years and had even stood beside her at her wedding. When she saw Kelly having dinner with another man, she made the worst possible assumption. She did not give Kelly the chance to explain what she had seen or trust the person she claimed to know so well.
Instead, she shared her suspicions and helped turn other people against her. By the time she learned that the man was Kelly’s relative, Kelly’s marriage had already fallen apart and her reputation in the community had been damaged.
Coming from a close friend, that accusation may have hurt even more because Kelly had every reason to expect understanding rather than judgment.
Now the woman wants to attend Kelly’s funeral, even though Kelly ended the friendship and wanted nothing more to do with her. Her grief may be real, and she may regret what happened. Still, attending could bring painful memories back for Kelly’s family at a time when they are already mourning.
What do you think? Does the woman have the right to attend Kelly’s funeral, or should she stay away? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Image credits: Ivan S (not the actual photo)
The mom shared more details in the comments
Many readers agreed that her daughter would be selfish to attend the funeral
Others, however, felt she should have shown her daughter more support
