A wedding day is an important event in a woman's life, even in this age. Brides usually have a vision of what that day should look like. The color of the bridesmaids' dresses and what flowers will decorate the venue can be elements of that vision. But rude in-laws can derail even the best of plans.
A woman shared her woes about an ex-monster-in-law on the r/WeddingShaming subreddit. The MIL decided to make some unwelcome changes before the wedding day. The author shamed her mother-in-law for taking advantage of the fact that they share the same name. Read on to find out why the bride now calls her former MIL a C-Rex.
Bored Panda reached out to the former bride-to-be, u/LS3016, and she kindly agreed to have a short chat with us. Read her update about her divorce party and advice about monster-in-laws below!
Every bride should get the wedding day of their dreams
Image credits: Brent Keane (not the actual photo)
This unlucky woman had her dream wedding taken away by her mother-in-law who was also her namesake
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
Image source: LS3016
Today, the OP is in a happy relationship and doesn't dwell on the ex monster-in-law: "Crazy is going to crazy," she says
The person who posted this story online, Redditor u/LS3016 agreed to have a short chat with Bored Panda. She tells us that if something similar were to happen now, she probably wouldn't be afraid to put her foot down and draw some boundaries.
"I'd have grown a spine and fully rejected any ideas," she told us via a message. "I would not have entertained them in the least. I also would have been clear with my vendors that while I was not available in person, all changes should be approved via phone call."
The Redditor tells us that something that might help people deal with entitled MILs before a wedding is having your fiancé on your side. "If their family acts up, have them stand up to them as well."
u/LS3016 says that the most important lesson she learned from this whole experience is that crazy people are going to act crazy. "I think, knowing her, she would have done something, even if I had stood my ground. And likely, my ex would have taken sides with his mom. This is a RED flag. People won't change."
The Redditor also gave us an update: as of the summer of 2024, her marriage to her ex-husband is finally done. "My divorce was finalized in May. I had a group of girl friends who took me out, in my wedding dress, and we drank and had men write their numbers, advice, and well-wishes in multi-colored Sharpies.
"I have since started dating a wonderful man who loves me and my children wholeheartedly," the Redditor also shared. "And, luckily, his ex was also a loony, so his family is so happy to have someone who understands. I have no idea if I'll take the plunge again, but I now have much [more] knowledge," she adds.
There are ways to deal with a mother-in-law who’s trying to hijack a bride's perfect wedding
Image credits: gstockstudio (not tha ctual photo)
It can be hard to navigate a civil relationship with a MIL who wants to lead the wedding planning process. Here is some advice for brides who feel their mothers-in-law might mess with their vision. Jeannie Assimos tells Brides that it's important to pick your battles. An argument with your future husband's mother won't help anyone. That's why it's crucial to understand why the advice or unwanted help is so bothersome.
If you don't like the advice because you're feeling tense or not in the mood, don't lash out. "If you are stressed because of other aspects of your wedding, take a step back and decide if talking to them will do anything more than hurt them," Assimos says. When the advice hinders your vision of your perfect day, it's fair to stand up for yourself. "Go ahead and talk to them openly about how you are feeling," Assimos suggests.
When having this conversation, the right tone is important. Etiquette advice columnist Cheryl Seide suggests going over what's important to each person. "Understand the 'why' of her opinions. Communicate your wedding day vision and which aspects are most critical to you and why. Then be willing to compromise on a few items that you can let go."
"When [she] understands your vision, it may make her less anxious that you aren’t 'doing it right.' She will feel more comfortable that you have the planning under control," Seide adds. This last piece of advice might be a bit hard to swallow. Especially if your MIL is a monster-in-law. You might want to find something that you want your mother-in-law's opinion on.
Mothers and MILs might just want to take part in the planning in some way. A good strategy is to involve your MIL in ways that are a win-win. “If you give her a real project to focus on, sometimes that will be enough to curb her opinions on everything else,” Danielle Rothweiler told Brides. "When she asks if you need help, treat her with kindness," Rothweiler adds. "Let her know you are so thankful to know that she is there should you need anything—and that you will let her know."
But there are also some things a mother-in-law should be able to have a say in
Image credits: LinkedIn Sales Solutions (not the actual photo)
Many bridal magazines suggest a bride needs to let her MIL host the rehearsal dinner. The event is traditionally thrown by the groom's family, so it's logical to give your MIL free reign.
If you want to keep some control, guide her in the right direction. "Feel free to provide her with ideas for locations and send her a few of your vendors," event director Kristine King told the Martha Stewart Weddings magazine.
If you want to keep some control, guide her in the right direction. "Feel free to provide her with ideas for locations and send her a few of your vendors," event director Kristine King told the Martha Stewart Weddings magazine.
Etiquette expert Elaine Swann proposes letting the MIL take care of the guest list. Especially when dealing with the groom's side of the family. But be careful: let your MIL know right off the bat the number of guests you and the groom have agreed on. That way you'll avoid having a bunch of second cousins and her office buddies at your reception.
One decision that might be significant to the MIL might be the parent dances. "Consider having your MIL over for lunch to discuss song choices, listen to some classics, and brainstorm ideas," Kristine King suggests. "Chances are, there is a song that was special to the two of them growing up. As long as the song reflects their special mother-son relationship, the dance will be a sweet memory for years to come."
Commenters congratulated the former bride for getting out of that toxic family
Others also condemned the overbearing MIL's behavior
