Postponing a wedding is quite common nowadays. Planning takes a long time, and sometimes the unexpected happens, so, rather than have an imperfect wedding, many couples choose to reschedule. In fact, about 20% of couples call off their weddings, but usually the reasons are inside the relationship itself: infidelity, irreconcilable differences, or changed priorities.
Seldom does a couple postpone or call off their wedding because their in-laws request it. Yet, that’s exactly what this mother asked of her daughter. She requested that she not get married the year she turns 50, as that would take the spotlight off her. Unsure of whether this was a reasonable request, the bride decided to seek advice online.
A bride clashed with her mother over the date of her wedding
Since it was the year of her mother’s 50th, she believed the wedding would take the spotlight off her and demanded the wedding be postponed to the next year
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: No_Megan
“Her birthday is in February and the wedding is planned for August, so many months apart,” the bride clarified in the comments
Commenters speculated why this was so important to the mother: “Your mom must be the star of the show, huh?”
To avoid similar wedding drama, some couples choose to have sequel weddings
It takes many months to plan a wedding. According to bridal magazines, the average time couples take to plan their weddings is from 12 to 18 months. Birthdays are usually different, except when the celebrants are very well-off, a detail that the author mentions in her story about her mother.
That said, each couple is different. While some couples plan elaborate ceremonies with two or three parts, others see no problem with eloping or having an intimate ceremony with just a few of their closest people. In recent years, the phenomenon of “Sequel weddings” has become increasingly popular.
Wedding drama is common, whether it’s because of mothers-in-law, siblings, friends, or other guests, so some couples decide to forego the headache and have separate ceremonies: one for themselves and a few of their loved ones, and another or more for other people in their lives.
The classic example of a sequel wedding is when a couple elopes and later has a larger, more intricate ceremony. The second celebration can be days, weeks, months, or even years after the initial nuptials, depending on the couple's preference. Some do it because of budget constraints, others to avoid drama, but during the pandemic, many couples chose to do so to make sure their sick loved ones would be there to witness their love.
A sequel wedding could work in this case, since the great-grandfather’s attendance is so important for the bride. “I've seen couples plan two weddings because of a loved one who may not be able to travel or who they fear won't be alive for the later date," wedding planner Irene Katzlas explained to The Knot. "In those cases, the second celebration becomes a way to honor time and connection.”
Planning a wedding often brings out the most toxic aspects of familial relationships
The mother’s toxic competitive edge seems to be at the heart of this story. It’s hard to imagine why a mom would feel the need to compete with her daughter for attention in a healthy mother-daughter dynamic, but many signs suggest that this relationship isn’t so.
As psychiatrist and relationship expert Laura Dabney, M.D., explained to Rock n Roll Bride, wedding drama is often more than just about the date, the dress, or the guests. Unhealthy dynamics and patterns are amplified as a wedding approaches because it symbolizes both closeness and separation.
A daughter’s wedding can be one of the happiest moments in a mother’s life: few things bring a parent more joy than seeing their child be as happy and content. At the same time, it’s the moment when they have to relinquish control.
“Daughters who have historically seemed very close to their mothers are sometimes utterly blindsided by conflict during wedding planning because neither person is accustomed to tolerating emotional separation or differing opinions,” Dabney explains. “Healthy closeness requires the ability to stay emotionally connected while also allowing independence.”
She emphasizes how family members need to learn to express painful emotions without being defensive. “I know you care about this and I love that you’re excited. I’m just starting to feel overwhelmed and need a little more room to make decisions myself,” is one of Dabney’s suggested examples of communication. Or: “I think part of this is emotional for me too, and I may be getting over-involved.”
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
After talking to her mother one-on-one, the bride came back with an update
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: No_Megan
Most commenters sided with the bride: “Elope and don’t invite her”
