In an ideal world, we’d all be the picture-perfect versions of ourselves, making no questionable ethical decisions and living happily ever after. But that’s just unrealistic, and life doesn’t always go as planned.
And dare we say, it never does. After all, even those closest to us — our own family — can become the very source of our distress and anxiety. One user on r/relationship_advice learned this the hard way when her family, the very people she least expected to betray her, tried to meddle in her life and even break up her marriage in a truly sickening way. And this is her story.
Growing up means realizing the foundation we were brought upon may not be as stable as we thought
A woman realized this when she broke up with her boyfriend at 18, and her sister obsessively tried to get them back together for over 20 years
The narrator chose to go no-contact with her mother and sister, which is the reality for millions of Americans
This is a lengthy story with plenty to unpack, especially the family dynamics at play. Unfortunately, this kind of meddling is all too common. Family therapist Salvador Minuchin helped popularize the concept of family enmeshment, which describes family relationships in which boundaries blur, and individual independence can be seen as a betrayal of the family.
This dynamic affects several people in the story, and another useful way to understand what's happening is through the concept of “flying monkeys,” a term inspired by The Wizard of Oz. It describes people who, often under the influence of a central figure, end up pressuring or targeting someone else on their behalf. In this case, the sister and mother seem at the center of the conflict, while the father, brother, and even aunts join in pressuring the narrator.
Sadly, situations like these can leave people estranged from the very families they once considered home. In fact, research by Cornell University gerontologist Dr. Karl Pillemer suggests that family estrangement is far from uncommon, with roughly 27% of American adults reporting estrangement from a family member. Forcing reconciliation can also backfire when keeping the peace becomes more important than respecting an individual's boundaries.
The obsessive behavior from all offending parties may warrant a restraining order
The ex-boyfriend, “Bates,” is another complex figure in this story. Keeping a 20-year-old mixtape might seem like harmless romantic nostalgia; the situation crosses into far more disturbing territory, potentially involving stalking and delusional behavior. The numbers show how common stalking can be. According to a survey, approximately one in three women in the U.S. experience stalking during their lifetime.
His behavior can also be examined through a psychological lens. Clinical psychologists use the term fixated delusion to describe a condition in which someone falsely believes another person is in love with them. People with obsessive fixations can even frame their actions as a fight for true love, as Bates seems to do in this story.
Thankfully, both the father and the brother eventually changed their behavior, saw the situation more clearly, and cut contact with the mother and the sister. If the stalking continues, however, the family may need to consider seeking legal advice about options like formal cease-and-desist letters or protective orders, depending on the circumstances.
But what do you think, Pandas? What else could this family do to protect themselves from such obsessive behavior? Let us know your thoughts below!
Many netizens found the story baffling, posing many questions, and the narrator cleared them all out in the comment section
In the first update to the story, the woman talks in depth about her ex's obsessive behavior
In another update, we learn that the father has officially left the obsessive mother and moved in with the narrator and her husband
Most people advised the woman to stay in close contact with a lawyer — which she did
A lengthy second update let netizens know that her brother too had gone no-contact with the mother and sister
In update after update, readers kept getting more baffled at this family's obsessive behavior
The couple and the father chose to go to a hotel after they realized the women knew were they were at all times, noticing a tracker on their small dog's outfit
Netizens kept showing up for the narrator, some with advice, but most with words of encouragement
Despite this situation, the woman kept looking at her situation with hopeful eyes, realizing how strong her safety net really was
In the comment section, the original poster mentioned her ex-boyfriend worked with women in precarious situations, and how his reputation went downhill
In another update, the woman shared how her mother continuously kept testing boundaries despite all the legal repercussions
Most people agree that those who need therapy the most, are the ones who seek it the least
