“Actual Friendships Were Ruined”: 80 White Elephant Gifts So Perfect, Everyone Tried To Steal Them

Christmas 2019, my wife's coworker hosted a party with spouses invited. The budget was capped at $25. I brought a cast iron skillet. My wife thought it was a terrible gift and was embarrassed. But it was by far the most popular gift. And a few months later when everybody was stuck at home, the person who took it home commented how much they use it.

We’ve been a wapping the same 8x10 framed headshot of Elvis for about 30 years at my work. Whoever gets it has to sign the back and keep it in their office all year. Everyone tries to disguise it by wrapping it to look like other things.

Someone gave me a vomiting cat gravy boat for my birthday one year, and although I am admittedly immature as [hell] I am also a good cook and have no interest in making family members associate my holiday gravy with cat vomit. So I brought the thing to the work white elephant party and it got repeatedly stolen. Better them than I.

I got the book "P is for Pterodactyl: the worst alphabet book written" and everyone fought over it. I was like "its on Amazon...".

My partner's family did white elephant with the side of his family that's like rabbits. There were like 30 people fighting over a framed painting of a cat in Victorian clothes I found in the clearance bin at Home Goods.

We do a “[stuff] from inside your house” version. Last years hot gift was a broken cuckoo clock. Year before was a bowling ball in a Samsonite case circa 1980. Another year was a chia zombie hand. One never knows what delights will show up under the tree.

I purchased a fairly expensive thong (panties ) from Victoria’s Secret and women AND men fought for it. I never admitted that it came from me, and nobody ever knew or suspected because I’m an old lady. I have done this three times.

I went to a retro candy store. Bought candy. All the people (except 2) were 45-85. Got stuff like Gold Rush sack, whoppers, pez, sweethearts, tons of stuff I hadn’t seen i YEARS. Was an absolute hit!

A mini Frah-gee-lay lamp. The winner kept it in his office so everyone could stay jealous.

A cemetery plot in a ghost town.

Costs about $10.

My dad brought a copy of the Dr. Demento Christmas CD (which includes classics like Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus, and I’m Gettin Nuttin for Christmas).

Every time someone would snag it, it would get snagged in turn the next round.

Botanical legos, [slays] every time.

A remote weather station, where you mounted a transmitter outdoors, and the display inside told you temperature, pressure, humidity, wind chill, and even had a programmable alarm for conditions. (Let me know when it falls below freezing type of thing).

My cousin made a firefighter calendar. She photoshopped the faces to be our family members. It was HILARIOUS.

A set of salt shakers that looked like pandas side-hugging eachother and sitting on a leaf shaped dish.

Did a white elephant where gifts were stolen before anything was opened, so based on packaging, size, and weight alone. Everyone fought over the pretty heavy, rectangular, gift I brought. The person got to open the gift I brought went home with a big jar of pickles.

I’m proud to say that my gift at the office white elephant gift exchange has been “stolen” 3 out of 3 years. What I bring is 2 houseplants, propagated from other house plants.

Chopsticks that light up like light sabers.

A wreath we got at goodwill that had these painted characters on it with a gate of a garden. The words were “Backdoor Guests are the Best!” It was an instant hit since it was a giant group of LGBTQ+ young adults.

My very catholic grandmother (RIP) traded hers for a t-shirt I bought at the thrift store that had an image of Jesus on it and the caption was “Jesus is coming back! Everyone look busy!” Our family rotates the trophy for best white elephant gift for the year, and it was given to me for that $3 shirt. I was already drunk but my head still spun and my gf at the time was crying laughing and my mom looked at me like she raised the best cynical [jerk] ever and she was proud.