#1
#2
Needless to say, to him “the divorce came out of nowhere”, while me & my siblings were always wondering why it didn’t happen sooner.
#3
I don't know about you, but as I was scrolling through the list, some of these stories were truly heartbreaking. It's difficult to imagine achieving equality when people are still breaking their backs with domestic work or suppressing their emotions just because of their gender. To get deeper insights into the matter, Bored Panda reached out to Rashmi, a Development Professional with a specialization in Gender.
She explained that there are a lot of factors that reinforce gender roles in society today. "It's about how you think, how you've been brought up, or the kind of socialization that you have had since your childhood. It's also reinforced by what you see around you, which is in the form of media, films, people that you work with, or those you study with," she added.
Moreover, she stressed that it also has much to do with role modeling as well as the education and the belief systems that you have. Rashmi also narrated that when people are being brought up, subtly, there are small elements that reinforce these roles. For instance, the clichèd idea of who goes out at what time in the house is probably decided by the gender that you come with.
#4
#5
There's a YouTuber couple, Paul and Morgan, who are Christian fundamentalists and believe a good wife must submit to the husband.
Paul does not have a job because he is pursuing his dream of becoming a professional pickleball player. He is constantly gone and spends full time hours playing pickleball ball, "training", and going to various spas and facilities to "recover". He comes from a well off family so his parents finance a large part of his lifestyle. He doesn't bring in any money through pickleball, because he is simply not very good and it's not exactly a lucrative sport.
Morgan? Pickleball was her thing. Paul only started after Morgan had already been playing and had been doing pretty well. He decided he wanted to become a professional player, and of course, she had to stay home with the kids while he "trained" for 8 hours a day. Morgan was always a significantly better player than Paul, but he claimed it to be his one true passion. She had to stay home with the kids, then couldn't play because she was functioning as a single parent with limited time/energy. Did he have prior experience in pickleball or as a professional athlete? Nope.
Morgan had a lot of mental health issues and previously had issues with overwhelm/burnout and breakdowns. Did Paul ever take a step back from becoming a professional pickleball player to help with any of the child work or mental load? Nope.
Morgan then had an aortic dissection, was put on stroke watch, and had to significantly limit herself physically. She was not allowed to pick up her children because the strain alone could k**l her. How did Paul step up? He didn't. He's the man of the house and becoming a professional pickleball player was how he was fulfilling his role. He couldn't take time away from pickleball because he's trying to go pro, and pros don't bail on their commitments like that! So what did he do? He left his wife home alone with their young children and went about his life as normal. She had to call on neighbours to come lift her child out of the crib for her, because her husband couldn't take time off from "training". He left his wife, on stroke watch, home alone with babies while he knew she could die from just picking them up. What if there was an emergency and she died because she had to move the children? That's just gods plan, and god really wants his special boy PicklePaul to go pro.
#6
As you can see in many of these relationship stories, some people didn't really have an option but to conform to their traditional gender role. That's why we conversed with our expert about the challenges people might face if they chose not to. She commented that such people might have to deal with the problem of being judged constantly, and that might also make them conform to gender roles.
"It happens so much in friends' circles also that sometimes, if you're very strong-headed about a certain thing, people will just ridicule you. You might always feel on the border of conversations with people around you, and it's like walking on eggshells constantly. Besides, you also have to fight within yourself, and that also causes an identity crisis," Rashmi elaborated.
She claimed that it is also about how people view you as a person, whether that's to do with your relationships or your friends. According to her, it's like having your own belief systems and principles, and if you are not conforming to this gender role, then of course you're fighting with it everywhere.
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#9
We also spoke with Rashmi about whether gender roles have changed in the recent decade. She argued that they have not really "changed" per se; rather, the right term would be that they are "evolving." She credits this, most importantly, to education and how platforms like social media help spread information about gender equality.
Rashmi believes that people at least get to know, even if they don't like the changing gendered roles.
"Biological males who wanted to be soft people didn't have as much regard as the strong ones. Or, biological females who really wanted to be strong-headed or bossy were never regarded as much as the women who were polite and warm. But I think they are definitely changing. The evolution of what 'masculinity' means or what 'femininity' means is also helping in better understanding these roles," she noted.
#10
I kinda joked it off, you know, "What do you give an angry gorilla? Whatever the f**k it wants." So now she'll tell me to "Go use that Gorilla privilege.".
#11
#12
While concluding the interview, we asked Rashmi about the future of gender equality, and she claimed that she's not really sure whether she's hopeful about it. "I think what really gives me hope is something I have been very fond of, and that is the readings that I have come across from bell hooks. She called this the practice of love, and I really believe in the idea of love and loss in the community."
"Making that everyday commitment to empathy, justice, and community is important. I see more people, especially the younger generation, and maybe even the older generation, trying or questioning the domination based on ways of living, and they're choosing equity as an act of care and concern for each other," she explained.
She also spoke about another important thing that she read in those readings, which is about how education and awareness are forms of liberation. Rashmi believes that gender equality is not just an idea, but a practice that people are learning to live with, and that makes her a little bit hopeful about things.
#13
#14
It's somehow my fault that's there's no money for bills ( no one to watch baby while I work)
Oh! But when I do get money, something always comes up with his car or something.
Yes, I have started hiding money now.
#15
Dad decided to renovate the house himself and did weird, impulsive s**t like buy a trapezoidal window because it was on sale, even though it doesn't match the rest of the house and his wife never consented. Mom despised that he cut a hole in the wall to fit an awkwardly shaped window he impulsively bought. To my knowledge, it was all his ideas to put 100ish lights and 6 electrical switches for them in a (not large) family room. He prevented people from working on our house when he tore down a wall and kept hanging electrical wires exposed for the next decade plus. Money was an object, true, but he didn't have to do demolition and keep things untouched for months or years at a time. She didn't consent to him putting windows spanning most of the wall in a small bathroom (so unless the shade is down, anyone could see us s**t). He made all the big decisions about home renovations and didn't want anyone else working on it (he let people repair our foundation at least), and expected my Mom to work longer hours (30+ more than him weekly), plus upkeep the whole house and cook. He hated when she went to sun bath and read a book after 6 days of work was completed, and complained about how she cooked, and tried to prevent her from having dinner with coworkers and incited a big fight if she went out for anything other than grocery shopping, work and errands. He was very controlling and she pushed back only slightly, to see her family overseas and go out for dinner with coworkers 1-2x a year. My Mom ultimately went along, saying how she can't leave someone after they've been together for so long.
But she agreed with him that people shouldn't have opposite gender friends besides their spouse, and tried enforcing it on me. They are both racist and tried to prevent me from having black friends and would have been appalled if I ever dated outside my race, as they didn't want me to "date one of them." They agreed on a woman's place and that people should limit their friends to the same gender and race. I always feared having a marriage like my parents, to the point that I thought in my teenage years that I'd never marry or even date. I planned to just have s*x with trusted male friends and raise one kid in my own sometimes in my 30s. That was part of my life plan when I was 17. I wasn't going to mess with co-parenting and courtship.
I think it's also a traditional stereotype (correct me if I'm wrong) that women do more emotional labor in a relationship. And all the domestic labor within a home (while mowing a lawn and other outdoor work is in the man's realm). They'll have to soak up insults, and emotionally and domestically support their husbands.
A healthy relationship is a two way street. Partners should support each other in all ways. Men (nor anyone) should not use their spouse as an emotional dumping ground and domestic servant. And good communication and respect is needed from both sides.
I have a man that pays half the rent and cleans the apartment with me. He is the one who pushes for open communication and talking through issues. He cooks sometimes too, but keeps to simple dishes such as boiling pasta and using a store bought sauce, since he never really learned to cook, but I am trying to get him to learn more complicated recipes alongside me over time (we like cooking large meals together 1-2x a month.). He is very good at chopping vegetables, so there's some hope. Some. He's dedicated and loving, and pulls his weight in the relationship. That's enough for me.
To be honest, those wise words definitely gave me some hope about gender equality, whether it be in relationships or even at the workplace. Anyway, dear readers, that's it from our end. I hope these stories help you understand that the issue of inequality persists everywhere, and like our expert explained, love, empathy, education, and awareness might help us fight it.
If you have also seen such unfairness in any relationships or anywhere else in general, feel free to share your stories with us. We would love to hear them out, so just drop them in the comments below!
#16
Men are expected to be constantly h***y and if they're not, something is wrong with them and they're less of a man.
#17
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#19
1) makes no money
2) requires more hours
3) is dangerous and frequently deadly, if not permanently injuring you
4) with less recognition, and even shame from many people, just to
5) rely on someone else for an allowance and hope they’re responsible with both of your futures and
6) don’t treat you poorly or leave you while you have a newborn
Ya.
Women were property not long ago. Traditional roles don’t make any sense for women. .
#20
