57 Things Lawyers And Judges Witnessed In Court That They Still Can’t Forget

I was cross examining a physician in a divorce and kept calling him Mr. He kept correcting me and calling me Mrs which I'm not so I corrected him that I too had a doctorate degree so he could use that title. When I nailed him in a lie he slipped and called me [jerk]. Judge leaned over and said I believe that would be Dr. [Jerk].

Voir dire.

There was police testimony planned, so the judge asked each prospective juror about past encounters with law enforcement, including if they had been arrested, for what, and the disposition.

After one woman said yes, the judge asked “for?”

“[Ending someone].”

After a brief pause, “and the disposition?”

“They let me go because it was self defense.”

The judge started to move to the next prospective juror, when the woman interrupted “well, don’t you want to hear about the other times?”

As a junior associate in a big law firm in the late 1980s, I was arguing motion in court when the (male) senior associate crept up behind me and started whispering in my ear. The judge, a woman, said "she’s doing just fine by herself, you can go sit down".

I don’t know if this counts as shocking but is was funny.. I got called for jury duty and as I walked to the. Jury Box I said hi Ben to the prosecuting attorney, the judge asked how I knew him, and I said I babysit his son. The judge immediately said I was dismissed . It was hilarious. Gotta love living in a small town .

This one from way back: Defendant called the District Court judge a "four eyed, baldheaded, sawed-off [jerk]." Judge answered "admitted, admitted, admitted, denied. 30 days direct criminal contempt."

Defendant (tenant) had a medical episode in the middle of a trial. Landlord started recording under the table (big no-no to videotape in the courtroom).
Paramedics came, took Def. out on a stretcher.
Landlord’s lawyer is rolling his eyes and murmuring to the gallery.

Judge: “ok, we’re going to have to continue this. 1 week?”

Landlord’s lawyer: “We object. He was faking it to get out of court.”

Judge: “If he’s faking it, he’s winning an Oscar.”

🍒 : landlord arrested for videotaping in court.

I was a juror on a trial. On the last day of testimony, the defendant took the stand and introduced a theory to explain how his wife "passed away". The cat did it.

Passed out in court once. The judge was finalizing my divorce. He asked my ex if she was pregnant, to which she answered, "Yes." Next thing I know, my chin hurt like a bastard and the bailiff was easing me into my chair. In West Virginia (and probably a lot of other states), if the woman is pregnant, a divorce can't be granted until paternity is established. But no test was needed. After they got me calmed down, the ex said, "I'm not pregnant. I thought you said 'Are you present?'"

Literally yesterday, judge gave my client a final protective order, read the order to her ex, he had been remanded for breaking the order 3x. Judge asks “Do you understand?”

“Yes, your honor.” Then proceeds to walk over and throw a letter at my client. I’m blocking him as 4 bailiffs tackle him and take him back to jail.

Judge says to his lawyer, “Do we need a translator?”

My dad took my mom to court 17 times to reduce his child support payments. You would think that after the 3rd time he went to court and the judge upped the child support payments that he would stop. But not my dad. Child support payments were upped each time my dad tried to get it reduced. And then he wanted my mom to pay for his lawyers fees. I was 1yo when he left and 16yo when he finally stopped taking my mom to court.

Not me, but my son’s dad. Tried to contest his arrears by calling a hearing. The judge reads our original order and says do you understand? He says yes. The judge reads the receipts and says do you understand? He says yes. The judge says so you called this hearing to embarrass yourself in my chambers and admit you’re incompetent and don’t take care of your child on the record? Silence.

So not my story but my dad’s (verified as true by multiple sources): Dad was cross examining witness. Dad getting under witness’s skin because witness is full of BS and dad won’t let up. Witness eventually tells dad angrily, “And if I’m lying then may God strike me!”

Witness has a heart attack on the stand less than five minutes later and does indeed [pass away].

My son, 17, got a speeding ticket in a nearby parish. Of course I had to go to court with him. Courtroom packed. We had to sit there while they brought up those who had been arrested. They were in cuffs and leg irons and dressed in the wide black-and-white stripes from the cartoons! They were to say their names when asked, told the charge and asked: How do you plead? They were to say: Not guilty. And then they were given a date. Two rows of them. It was going very quickly UNTIL:

Judge: What is your name?

Person: Go to hell!

Judge: 30 days. What is your name?

Person: Go to hell!

Judge: 30 days. What is your name?

Person: F you!

Judge: 30 days. What is your name?

Person: Go to hell!

Judge: 30 days. What is your name?

Judge never changes his tone, looks at the courtroom, smiles: I can do this all day.

Got a different answer the next time!

Prosecutor: “and how do you know that’s the attacker?”
Witness: “look at her, she’s shaped like a bell pepper. Ain’t too many [women] in the city shaped like bell peppers”

well, i saw a lawyer invite a judge outside a courtroom to fight.. the judge took him up on that offer.

Prospective juror revealed during voir dire that she had an intimate relationships with 2 of the lawyers and a bailiff. All of them married long term so yeah, outed them as cheaters.

I guess technically it happened in the hallway outside the courtroom but pro se litigant physically attacked me and tried to grab my file folders while she was screaming.

This was an employment law case.

Not really shocking to any one from our city. Jury pool included board member’s wife for large company case being prosecuted. “Do you think you might have an issue with judging this case, Mrs S___ (S____ being the NAME OF THE COMPANY)”
Very genteel lady response “I don’t see how I wouldn’t”. She was excused. We townies burst out laughing.

One of my clients had a reputation for violence in the courtroom. Mostly directed at furniture, such as flipping the large oak council’s table.

When the judge denied my bail motion, he stood up, told the judge to go [to hell], and mooned him in open court.

I was in court (again) for my ex deciding he didn’t want to pay court-ordered support and the judge told him, “you have 72hrs to pay or you can bring all your financial documents and your toothbrush because you’re going to jail.” Had that man sitting there like 👁️ 👄 👁️