Nobody walks down the aisle thinking they will end up in a divorce Reddit thread. You walk down the aisle thinking about the flowers, the speech, and whether the caterer has sorted the vegetarian option. Divorce is never part of the plan, which is exactly why people who have been through it have so much to say about "the plan."
Netizens asked divorced people what they wished they had known before the wedding, and the thread is one of the more useful documents on the internet for anyone who is currently engaged, recently married, or simply curious about what people on the other side learned the hard way. Sadly, someone had to go through it; the least we can do is listen and learn.
#41
That compatibility has to be in all the major aspects- financial, how to raise children or if they want children, religious/political beliefs, etc. Just because you're enjoying each other's company or that he's nice during the dating phase, doesn't mean you are compatible enough to be married.
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3points
#42
I wish I knew that she didn't know that love isn't just a feeling, it's a choice. It's a choice you make every day. Cupid isn't real, there's no bow and arrow.
I wish I had seen the troubling drinking signs, but we were young, young people drink.
I wish I hadn't written off that her mother was having an affair.
I wish I had seen the troubling drinking signs, but we were young, young people drink.
I wish I hadn't written off that her mother was having an affair.
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3points
#43
You divorce the worst version of them
Also, if you start any business get a prenup or postnup…. Learned this the hard way.
Also, if you start any business get a prenup or postnup…. Learned this the hard way.
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3points
#44
Don't overlook the red flags, and don't feel pressured by family/society to get married. Don't settle for less than you're worth.
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3points
#45
In ten years your partner will evolve into a very different person and you will feel more alone living with them than you ever felt on your own.
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3points
#46
That my second wife is super amazing, kind, patient, hot af. Go thru with it. Talk to a therapist but dont give up until you gave up last time. All will work out. This is a test that makes you stronger.
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3points
#47
that issue you have before marriage… isn’t gonna go away
Seriously, it will become a 10 year argument.
Seriously, it will become a 10 year argument.
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2points
#49
Listen to your gut and ignore everyone else's expectations for your life. Don't be afraid to live your life true to who you are and what you want. You deserve so much more.
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2points
#50
That it was ok not go through with it. I was too embarrassed to call it off. Biggest mistake of my life.
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2points
#51
That all the red flags I thought she'd grow out of, were just who she was. They weren't just a phase.
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2points
#52
That she was going to cheat on me. I would not have gone through getting married.
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2points
#54
That they can change after you get married, and not necessarily for the better.
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2points
#55
Not to pick a life partner when you are a teenager because your brain is not developed yet.
2points
#57
That no matter how much you give, it’s not going to be enough to hold it together if they aren’t giving back.
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2points
#58
I was married for 32 years. My ex's sister called me when she found out. She told me that on the day of the wedding, she asked her sister if she loved me, is she sure. My ex told her "I know he will take care of me" and she explained to that I had a stray dog, what we now call "rescues", that was a real difficult dog, but I was devoted to it. On that, she figured I'd always take care of her. The key was she did not tell her sister that she loved me. I wish my ex-sister in law told me.
During the wedding reception, my ex told my mother, "Now that we're planning on having children, your son will not be needing dogs, so we'll find a place that will take them." My mother told her "If you want him to stick around, you will not mention that, ever'. My mother told me that 20 years later when she and my ex had a quarrel. I wish she told me during the reception.
TLDR: There were at least two people who should have spoken up, but kept silent. They were wrong.
During the wedding reception, my ex told my mother, "Now that we're planning on having children, your son will not be needing dogs, so we'll find a place that will take them." My mother told her "If you want him to stick around, you will not mention that, ever'. My mother told me that 20 years later when she and my ex had a quarrel. I wish she told me during the reception.
TLDR: There were at least two people who should have spoken up, but kept silent. They were wrong.
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2points
#59
That her commitment level wasn’t the same as mine. That she could be so greedy and self centered. That she wouldn’t take her vows as sacred as me.
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2points
#60
Not to do it before you are at least 30 years old. Someone in their 20’s is a “grown up”, but you don’t really settle into who you are until you are much older.
2points