29 People Who Actually Went To Their High School Reunions Share The Most Awkward Thing That Happened

According to Bonior, the host of the ‘Baggage Check’ podcast and the author of ‘Detox Your Thoughts,’ there are several reasons why people feel so much pressure to impress others at their school reunions.

“These are the people that they went through adolescence with—the time of life where they wanted most to fit in, and wondered if they measured up, and compared themselves constantly. So the presence of those same people can be a trigger back to that same mindset,” she explained that this is similar to going back to your parents’ house after moving out. Doing this can make you take on the old role of feeling like a child.

“Also, the passage of time that goes on before a reunion is a reality check about what you are doing with your life, and how much you are ‘supposed’ to have progressed in the time since— the comparisons get even tougher because you are expected to have something to ‘show’ for these years since you were last in high school, and you might wonder whether you have interesting enough stories to talk about, or impressive enough achievements,” she said.

Meanwhile, some alumni might be incredibly self-conscious about the physical ways that they’ve changed, e.g. aging, losing hair, and gaining weight. ‘They don't want to see the ‘shocked’ look on someone's face when they are seen, especially if it was someone they were romantically connected to,” Bonior told Bored Panda.

We were interested in what might help someone feel less pressure at events like school reunions. According to Bonior, it’s essential that you remind yourself that this is just going to be the ‘public’ snapshot of someone’s life. Very much like posting something on social media. You never know what the actual story is, just beneath the surface. 

“The person with the fanciest shoes might be massively in debt, the person with the attractive partner might be on the verge of divorce, the person with the impressive career might be hated by their coworkers and about to be fired.”

Meanwhile, the perspective that you might want to consider having when you go to your reunion is seeing it as your opportunity to make new memories in the way that you want. It’s your chance to connect with the people you find interesting and enjoyable, “not as your obligation to perform for others or impress them.”

“So many people have the same insecurities that it becomes a waste of energy to dwell so much on what others are thinking—they are thinking about how they come across!” Bonior said, adding that you should aim to have a few interesting conversations and “if you need to cut the night short, give yourself permission to.” That last part, we feel, is absolutely essential. 

Bored Panda also reached out to social psychologist Martocci. The founder of ‘The Emotion Spa’ answered a couple of our questions on how to deal with embarrassment in a way that empowers you. After all, many of us have a low-key fear that someone will end up telling embarrassing stories about us from our past, at our next high school reunion. First of all, start off by thinking of something that your classmate might say that would make you absolutely cringe if that's the way you're being remembered all these years after finishing high school. It might be a nickname that you hated or a very embarrassing incident.

The social psychologist then suggested taking a step back, avoiding getting “tangled up in uncomfortable feelings” that are bound to be rushing back, and asking yourself a few important questions. “What might make a former classmate try to embarrass me? Make him or her, (either overtly, or in a passive-aggressive way), ridicule me in front of others?”

Martocci explained to us that public ridicule is “the same power-play that bullies used in the hallways, cafeterias, and buses all those years ago.” Your former classmates whom you meet at the reunion might bully/try to embarrass you or someone else because they want popularity, respect, and social power.

“One way to achieve these ends is to create power imbalances by shaming someone (you!). And, if their ridicule is endorsed by the laughter of others, it is devastating,” she noted that even laughter that might not be intended as cruelty can be devastating. That’s when you should ask yourself how you can interrupt their play for power.

The answer is a straightforward but powerful one: your ‘acceptance’ of the ‘shameful memory that someone’s sharing. “Smile, and laugh along. How can they follow up with some further disparagement if you seem unphased?” Martocci said.

“Think about it this way: how you would feel if someone else were being publicly ridiculed in front of you? Would they seem a loser or a fool for simply shrugging their shoulders over the past? Or would their ‘acceptance’ make the classmate who made the comment seem a bit pathetic?” You don’t necessarily have to smile though. A simple eye-roll or saying ‘whatever’ can stop the conversation.

Martocci explained to Bored Panda exactly what laughing along and ‘owning’ those uncomfortable feelings does. The first thing that happens is that you feel empowered. The social psychologist shared that saying something like, “Ha, yeah, I wouldn’t want that on my highlight reel” can stop your classmate’s power-play.

You can also ‘own’ the awkward memories by admitting that you were whatever they said. Or you can say, “So what? We were all young and did stupid things.” That’ll stop the conversation in its tracks!

The power of humor in these sorts of awkward situations can’t be understated. Martocci pointed out that laughing along with everyone else “gets you beyond social isolation and vulnerability—you are not being laughed at, you are laughing with.”

So you go from awkward, embarrassing, and isolating experiences to taking control of what the events of the past mean. “It seems counter-intuitive to ‘admit’ a weakness, but it is a technique of resistance. You don’t allow the arrow to hit its mark,” she said.

“If you are not embarrassed/shamed, you control the narrative around the incident. You refuse to be a character—e.g. a fool or a loser—in their story. Your response decides how it will be interpreted—and you will be seen—going forward,” she told Bored Panda.

It’s hard to laugh at yourself and to practice ‘owning it’ at first because it feels like you’ll be inviting further ridicule down the line. However, that’s not the case. Martocci suggested trying the approach: “It is both uncomfortable and liberating.”

“Owning it and laughing along ‘puts the ball back in their court.’ Shrugging your shoulders and laughing along, while commenting ‘god you’re such a jerk for remembering that,’ dispels the social discomfort—it turns the awkwardness back on the former classmate who tried to embarrass you,” the social psychologist noted that the best defense is a good offense.

It’s natural that we want to impress other people. Human beings are social animals, and reputation means a lot. We want to be loved, respected, and adored! It’s a very natural desire. So when we fall short of the expectations that others have for us (or the expectations that we imagine they have), we can feel uncomfortable. As though we’ve failed or let somebody down.

This might explain why some people put on fancy clothes and boast so much at school reunions. They might be presenting a slightly better version of their life because they want to leave a good impression. Ironically, most people care so much about what others think of them that they don’t focus all that much on how their former classmates are doing in life. Oh, we definitely judge others, but we tend to care more about how others might perceive us. We’re sometimes our very worst critics even if we might be doing perfectly fine.

People judge others automatically for a wide range of reasons. For example, this helps us understand ourselves better in relation to others: we start working out where we fit in, in society; we reevaluate our ambitions and aspirations while figuring out what kind of future we’d like to avoid. Others might judge people to feel better about their lives by positioning themselves as ‘superior’ to others. Others still judge in order to fit in. Meanwhile, some individuals have a hard time coming to terms with their flaws and mistakes, so they attack others as a defensive reaction.