Have you heard people say that if you are friends with someone for over 7 years, it means that it is going to last a lifetime? Well, while I am sure there are many cases where this is true, sometimes even 57 years of friendship may come to an end.
One Reddit user recently shared a story that led to the end of a friendship between his mom and her friend. The situation escalated when his mom's friend criticized a family in a restaurant. Also, as the outburst looked racially motivated, it not only got them kicked out, but also made the author's mom look at her friend in a different way.
More info: Reddit
While friendships that last over 5 decades may seem impossible to end, sometimes a few actions may lead to that
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Man shares that his parents, along with his mom's friend, went out for breakfast where a family with a little kid was seated near them
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The child was being noisy and it provoked his mom’s friend to loudly criticize the parents, which also looked racially motivated as the family was Spanish
Image credits: kronosthedog
The whole incident sparked quite a reaction, which led to them being kicked out of the restaurant and the man’s mom ending their 57-year friendship
It’s no surprise that many of us sometimes have moments where we are rather exhausted or had a very bad day and it may seem that any little inconvenience may trigger us and we will just lose it. However, despite how bad you may feel or how annoying something may be, it’s never right to lash out at others, especially in a public place.
“A few basic ‘ground rules’ for life, useful to remember at all times, and especially in situations of heightened emotions - Kindness, charity, respect and humility. For oneself, and others, ” shared Jo Hayes, an etiquette consultant, speech pathologist and TV reporter, with Bored Panda.
Now, speaking about that exact situation, Jo emphasized that letting loose with offensive language is never the solution. “Challenging situations and conflicts are always best resolved when one remains as calm as possible, ‘grounded’ in a place of peace and responding in line with the life rules above.”
She also added that in a restaurant such as this, which sounds like a busy, family-friendly restaurant, one would expect a certain level of noise. “However, it is still understandable that an ‘extra-noisy’ child (or adult) could be disruptive to other diners, especially if they are in close proximity.”
Also, Jo noted that as a society, we must have special ‘grace’ for vulnerable members - for example, young children, the elderly, and people with special needs. “Babies crying in public, elderly people taking extra-long to cross the road, people with special needs needing extra help with basic tasks. Showing them love, patience, kindness and extra-charity, and certainly not delivering emotional outbursts.”
We also asked her what are the common mistakes people make when dealing with disruptions in public - “The main mistakes people make are letting heightened emotions get in the way of kindness, charity and respect. Aggression, raised voices, harsh words, foul language, rudeness, lack of discretion, etc.”
She noted that we have people in charge of the situation for a reason - waitstaff, restaurant owners, airline stewards, and council workers. They have the ‘authority’ and training to deal with public disruptions, so flagging issues with them can often be the quickest, and most effective, solution.”
Finally, don’t forget to check out Jo Hayes’ website and Instagram, where you can find a lot of useful etiquette tips!
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda got in touch with Katarina, who is a Western etiquette instructor and an elegant lifestyle lover and she kindly agreed to share her insights with us. “As much as I understand that a child who is visibly upset or loud can affect the experience of other guests in a restaurant, it is never the solution to ‘take matters into our own hands’ as we are not the manager of the restaurant,” she emphasized.
Speaking about some general guidelines on how we can address disruptive behavior in public places without actually causing a scene, Katarina pointed out that it actually varies a lot depending on the situation. “If we are personally involved, attacked or insulted, it is acceptable to set our boundaries verbally. However, reciprocating insults or being verbally or physically abusive is never the answer.”
She added that if the situation escalates, the best solution is to contact the police or other authority who will address the issue. “If the disruptive behavior is innocent and doesn’t affect us except for our ‘moral compass’, we might consider offering help rather than taking offense, or simply minding our own business as we don’t know the full story.”
Now, it is no surprise that the world around us is changing and is becoming more globalized, so together with that, many etiquette norms have become obsolete or simply undergone a modern update. “Everything from clothing to greetings in public have become more casual.”
Katarina explained that “back in the day, public etiquette norms were stricter and more rigid, which didn’t always take into consideration people whose situation simply didn’t allow for ‘proper’ behavior (such as people with disabilities or a single mom with children who become upset).”
“Thankfully, nowadays people are becoming more understanding of people’s different social situations,” she pointed out. “With that being said, I am a firm believer that respect will never go out of style and we should always remember that our behavior can cross other people’s boundaries.”
So, guys, be kind and also don’t forget to check out Katarina’s website, TikTok and Instagram pages!
And coming back to the main story - what are your thoughts on the whole situation? What would you suggest that OP’s mom do? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors shamed the friend online and suggested how the woman can deal with this situation
Image credits: Şule (not the actual photo)
