To learn more about what it’s like to be a mom who “behaves badly” from time to time, we reached out to Serena, blogger and author behind Mommy Cusses, and she was kind enough to have a chat with us. Serena says she finds herself behaving badly “all the time.” “I regularly will pick something up at the store for myself, only to put it back so I can get one more item for my kids,” she told Bored Panda.
“I also went on a vacation with my husband last year without our kids for the first time, and I felt so bad and guilty to the point that I was having major anxiety about it, and almost didn't go,” she continued. “I'm a sweary mom, and as much as I try to filter it, some f-bombs and such slip through, and my youngest will randomly swear because she doesn't know they're bad words and I have to look the other way so she doesn't see me cracking up.”
Serena also says that moms today are under an immense amount of pressure to be perfect all the time. “I feel it every single day, and it has a lot to do with social media, which I hate saying because that's also what I do for work and how I connect with moms and try to break through some of that perceived perfection with humor and honesty,” she shared. “But the reason I started doing that in the first place is because I tried so hard to be the perfect mom because that's what I saw everywhere on Pinterest and Facebook. I tried making it look like I had it all together, but inside I was really suffering.”
And when it comes to the necessities that all moms must have, Serena says a sense of humor is certainly on the list. “If you don't [have one], you're going to be miserable,” she told Bored Panda. “Listen, I lost my dignity the moment a bunch of strangers put their hands inside me to check how dilated my cervix was, and I pooped on the delivery table. Humor really is how you survive, because you get humbled a lot, and you need something to balance out all your brain monsters.”
Serena also has some wise words for any parents who are scared of behaving badly. “We cannot be martyrs who think we are bad or selfish for doing things for ourselves,” she says. “It feels foreign to, sure, because we are so focused on caring for our kids, but that doesn't make us bad. True bad is neglect and abuse. Bad is not not entertaining our kids 24/7, telling them ‘no’ sometimes, or having lazy days where we're not trying to make everything magical. Children model what they see. If we don't take care of ourselves, how are they going to know how to do that for themselves?”
Serena went on to share some harmless ways a parent can be “bad.” “Be a rebel by saying no to perfection (because it's [freaking] boring and, key word, impossible). Discover yourself. Who were you before you became a mom, and how can you bring parts of her into your life. What things interest you now? Try them out! Motherhood is not a death sentence,” she shared. “Have sex, get tattoos, try new hobbies, go to concerts, be weird, dress how you want, make motherhood yours.”
“The good mom/bad mom angel and devil on our shoulders as moms is overwhelming, but there are things our kids do and will do that are simply out of our control and not a reflection of how good or bad we are,” Serena added.
If you’d like to learn more about Serena or purchase her book Mommy Cusses, be sure to visit her website right here!
We also reached out to Erica and Jamilah, co-hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast and co-authors of A Good Mom’s Guide to Making Bad Choices, to hear their thoughts on what it’s like to be a mom who doesn’t always follow the rules. First, we wanted to hear what inspired their podcast. “Our podcast was born out of loneliness,” they told Bored Panda. “We knew each other through friends and we’re the only ones in our respective groups who had a child. We each had made our assumptions about each other via Instagram stalking, and from the looks of it, I thought Jamilah was living her best life post baby and she thought I was engaged to an African prince!” Erica shared.
“We finally hung out a few times but ultimately lost track of each other in the thick of new motherhood,” Erica continued. “Somewhere along the way, we both became single, and Jamilah invited her long lost mommy friend (me!) to her daughter's 3rd birthday. It was there that I spilled my guts on my relationship being over, that I was single and dating a married couple, and that I had this idea for a podcast where we would share the adventures of dating and motherhood as a single parent.”
“Sounds crazy, but my ‘oversharing’ honesty made Jamilah feel comfortable sharing her ‘bad choices’ and luckily, she said yes to do a podcast with a girl she barely knew,” Erica told Bored Panda. “Every Wednesday over the last 5 years, our audience has gotten to see our friendship blossom over the mic and hear all of our trials and errors in being human and not just mothers. Some may say my ‘oversharing’ was a bad choice, but ultimately I think society tries to hold moms to these cookie cutter standards of what happiness is supposed to look like after having a child. As long as your child is happy and mom is happy, there are no bad choices.”
The co-hosts went on to share that mothers face a lot of societal pressure to perform a certain way. “To wear a mask of what their partners, family, co-workers and beyond think they should act like or do,” they noted. “Our book, A Good Mom’s Guide to Making Bad Choices, releases on May 2nd and serves as a guide to help moms stop judging themselves through more of our very raw stories and gives women tools to begin living more fulfilling and authentic lives!”
