Ask your parents at what point they realized they wanted to get married, and the chance is you won’t get a straightforward answer. Because love is a difficult game, and sometimes it ends with no winners.
For the few lucky ones, however, a romantic relationship turns into something solid and long-lasting. But how exactly do people go from being a couple with their ups and downs to staying together happily forever after?
“What's the moment with your partner that confirmed that you're gonna spend your life with them?” someone posed a question on the Ask Women community on Reddit, and the responses started flowing in. Below we wrapped up the most illuminating stories!
#1
One weekend he asked if he could come over after work. I was a single mom at the time and it had been a *very* long week. Between work and my kids absolutely steamrolling me, my house was a disaster. I hesitated and then told him he could but he was going to have to excuse my house because there was no way I was going to get it completely straightened out before he got there. He told me not to worry about it. I’d managed to get most of my house looking like humans lived in it again by the time he texted he was on his way but my kitchen was still a huge mess and I apologized for it. He got out of the car with a bottle of wine in hand and didn’t bat an eye when he went in the kitchen to pour me a glass. He hands me the glass of wine, picks me up and sits me on the kitchen counter then proceeds to *clean my kitchen.* Washed my dishes, wiped down the counters, swept, mopped. Refused to let me help. Lol. I tried to protest multiple times but he insisted that it was no big deal and what good was he if he couldn’t relieve some stress. I quietly cried into my wine while I watched him clean and the thought popped into my head, “I’m going to marry this man.” I did exactly that 2 years later.
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483points
Bored Panda reached out to Inbaal Honigman, a celebrity psychic, astrologer, and expert at Lovehoney.com, a sexual wellness brand, to find out more about compatibility in couples, as well as how to know exactly if you've found the one. “Natural compatibility is a good start when finding a mate. Someone who enjoys the same things, who finds the same jokes funny, a person who has a similar vibe, would be a compatible partner,” Inbaal told us.
#2
We had just started dating in college and were driving on the interstate when we saw two old ladies and an old man who had run out of gas on the side of the road. My now-husband drove to a gas station, filled up a container and got them back on the road. I didn’t realize until then that the quality I was looking for in a partner was kindness. We’ve been together 50 years.
405points
#3
My cat was always terrified of everything, especially houseguests. The first time he visited, she fell asleep on him. She never did that with anyone else, even me.
We had been dating maybe 2 months. I was in a car accident and was so badly bruised I could barely move, he took care of me and was so gentle and attentive.
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346points
#4
When he learned my native language to be able to communicate with my parents.
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315points
“However, 'meant to be' goes further beyond that,” she added. That means you may want to ask yourself a couple of questions: “Is the person happy to prioritize you and your well-being? Are they happy to contain and love the parts of you that even you struggle to love?”
Inbaal argues that a relationship isn't just about compatibility, “it isn't even about love, it's about working together for a joint cause, and when both people are happy to contribute to that cause, they're meant to be together.” However, “this is massively easier when they're also compatible.”
#5
It was sort of a gradual progress until it absolutely wasn't.
I wasn't going to marry someone I couldn't see myself being psyched over having kids with.
Turns out I ended up pregnant unexpectedly because why not be the 1% or whatever of "you're sure you took the pill correctly but life finds a way".
I was initially kinda scared of how he'd react, in a way. I thought he'd be pissed off or angry or something, turns out telling him "hey yeah this is super unexpected but btw turns out you're going to be a dad" or whatever was like telling him he won the lottery.
That locked things down for me. I had weapons-grade abandonment issues at the time and it's hard to put into words exactly just what the positive reaction there did for me.
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276points
#6
Back when I worked an extremely stressful job, I had what felt like no free time at all, and my car needed some things done. I felt so stressed about it, but didn't have the time to address it for a while. One day he offered to drive me to work, I don't remember what he said his reasoning was, but i happily agreed.
While I was at work, he changed my tail light, changed the wipers and detailed the car.
I was at a point in my life where multiple compounded stressors made me numb to emotion. I cried when he picked me up in my car, and I saw all the things he'd done. I knew that moment that he was my forever
While I was at work, he changed my tail light, changed the wipers and detailed the car.
I was at a point in my life where multiple compounded stressors made me numb to emotion. I cried when he picked me up in my car, and I saw all the things he'd done. I knew that moment that he was my forever
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259points
#7
I'm currently 23(F), and he's 25(M), and we are high-school sweethearts dating since 2014. One night, my mom was in the hospital, and since it was during peak covid, we weren't allowed in the hospital. He stayed in the parking lot with me until like 3am, which was when my step-dad was able to leave work to be with my mom. Prior to us leaving, I was talking to him about how I was severely sleep deprived. I had worked a night shift the day before and didn't get any sleep due to my mom's condition at the time, so i had gone about 24-30hrs without sleep. He was telling me to try to nap, but my body just wasn't having it. I was also hungry and dehydrated and beyond stressed, so it was a terrible time for me. The whole time, I was just telling him that I really felt like I was going to puke, but nothing was coming out of me. I'd like to add that I have a bad gag reflex and will puke if I hear or see it. Well, I ended up throwing up in the parking lot, all over his car door, the passenger seat, and myself. My body was dry heaving so bad that I even ended up urinating myself. I started shaking, and without hesistating, he got out the car to me, cleaned me up as best as he could, and immediately took me home. We dont live with each other yet, due to him getting out of the military and us merging our lives together still, but he made sure I showered and tucked me into bed before heading home. The way that he was so gentle and nurturing to me in a way I had never felt before made me fall in love with him all over again. Never made me feel bad, made sure to clean up the car, checked up on me the following day, and I mean sure we joke about it now, but in that moment, I knew he was my forever.
230points
Many people romanticize the idea of finding their second half, but Inbaal warns to be careful with it. “The idea of a second half, a soulmate, a twin flame, is a fairly toxic notion for many reasons,” she said.
“Imagine losing your perfect partner to illness - a twin flame ideology means this was it, this was your person and now you'll stay alone for the rest of your life. Imagine that your soulmate doesn't come into your life until later in life, are you expected to sit alone and just wait for them to materialize?” Inbaal argues.
#8
Lol 47 years ago I’d been goin out with my boyfriend for a few months and he just started one night talking about our lives when we got married. He’s the most unromantic person on this earth, but he’s also the kindest and generous I’ve ever met.
He worked hard for 45 years to care for his family. Now he’s retired he looks after me, does much of the housework etc. and yeah gets under my feet. But he still makes me laugh. Note, I think laughter is important in a marriage.
We celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary last Oct. He’s a bit of a grumpy old git nowadays, but he’s my grumpy old git and I love him to bits.
Best marriage ever..
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224points
#9
A month into the relationship I decided to surprise him at his house on a Friday evening after work. We had plans to meet up on Saturday but I couldn't wait. Keep in mind, we lived three hours apart. I was halfway to his city when my roommate called and said he had shown up at our house in an effort to surprise me too. I knew right then that he was something special. We got married a few years later and we often joke that we're the same person - one Christmas we got each other the same gift, we finish each other's puns, we'll stop at the store on the way home (separately) and pick up the same cookies. It's the best.
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223points
#10
Kind of silly, but I'm afraid of the dark and use a nightlight in my bedroom when I'm sleeping alone. When my SO and I first started dating, he'd stay over a few nights out of the week, but he needs it dark when he sleeps, so I unplugged the night light while he was over. One time he stayed over for like a week straight and then wasn't staying that night, so when I got into bed and turned off the light I had a moment of panic about the dark until I realized it wasn't dark. He had remembered to plug in my night light before leaving that day so I wouldn't be in the dark. That was my first "wow, he really cares" moment and he continues to show me to this day :)
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216points
According to the celebrity psychic, some people go from partner to partner, changing every few years as part of their journey, while some people are happiest with one spouse till death does its thing.
“Long-term romance is dependent on so many factors, some of them rooted in culture and privilege, and so isn't something that everyone in the world has access to. The romantic notion of perfection isn't everyone's best-case scenario either,” Inbaal explained.
#11
I met my current husband online in 2000 when he was 21 and I was 19. He was in the Navy and stationed close to where I lived in Southern California.
We had dated exclusively for about 8 months when I became very sick and was hospitalized so that doctors could run diagnostic tests to determine what was wrong with me. (It ended up being my gall bladder).
He took leave earlier than he had planned and instead of going home to see his family and friends, he stayed at the hospital with me for 2 weeks. The first night, there weren't enough chairs and no extra beds, so he took a sheet out of the cabinet in my room and slept on the floor because he knew I was scared to stay by myself.
We had to get permission from my hospital roommate for him to stay overnight for the rest of my stay. She was recovering from a double mastectomy and when I was off for testing, they spent a lot of time talking. She told me once, while he was out grabbing some lunch, that he was a keeper and that he loved me a lot.
We got married September 2, 2001, nine days before the world changed. We're still together. Things haven't always been perfect, there was even a time that I thought we might divorce, but we always came back together.
My mom still sometimes mentions him staying in the hospital with me and tells people that that's when she fell in love with him.
180points
#12
We have been long distance for most of our relationship. I had a really bad day at work. He called me when I was finished and told me to walk to a place 5 minutes away. I was due to get the train home so I was confused. I went anyway out of curiosity. I called him back and said what am I meant to be looking for? He told me to turn around and he was stood behind me.
I had been having such a terrible week so unbeknown to me he had spoken to his boss and taken the afternoon off work. He drove three hours out of his way just to come and give me a hug. We had dinner together and then he had to drive home. I was so overwhelmed by how thoughtful it was I cried. I knew from that day that I wanted to marry him. We got engaged in November and I consider myself very lucky.
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168points
#13
We were dating for six months when I got really sick. For a week I was looking like Gollum, with high fever and snot and everything. He took care of me the entire week, got off work early to bring me food and comfort, slept by my side even though I told him to go away because I didn‘t want him to catch my flu.
The way he looked at me when I was the most vulnerable unshowered goblin - like I was the most beautiful thing in the world - made it clear to me.
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137points
Inbaal argues that staying in a relationship that's run its course because of a belief in the soulmates theory is not beneficial.
“Life is long and fluid, and so is love. Compatibility works for each specific moment, but even in astrology, we each mature into our sign, and so we change as people throughout our lives. A youthful Pisces is much unlike a mature Pisces, they are different,” Inbaal concluded.
#14
There are many things he's done to make me feel like this is forever. One thing that truly stands out is the fact that he's made me feel secure the entire 10 years we've been together. I don't feel like I have to hide my true self from him. I don't have to be someone I'm not and that I truly know that this man cares about me. Loyalty is a huge thing for him and he's shown me time and time again that I don't ever have to worry or wonder where I stand. I'm thankful to have found someone like him.
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130points
#15
Our relationship started out with so much drama. Regardless of whether or not it was their business, no one wanted us to be together. We were both single parents and everybody thought that they knew better than we did. All kinds of fires were started and I am a very sensitive/emotional person. He, on the other hand, lets his logic lead, which is a good balance for us (sometimes).
After a particularly rough night, he could tell that I was overstimulated and panicking. He walked over to me, tilted my chin up so that my eyes met his and said “Listen to me. F**k everything that everyone else says. I don’t care about that. I’m not going ANYWHERE”. For the first time, I fully trusted someone’s word. It has been almost exactly ten years since that day. We’ve been married since 2015.
128points
#16
He travels for work a lot, and staying in the country is dependent on his work (on visa right now). While he was out of town a couple family members were having health issues, and I was really struggling. On a call I told him how much I missed him and that I wished he was here because I could just use his support and presence.
5 minutes after hanging up the phone he calls me again and said he had booked the next flight home. Called his boss and said he had been away a lot and he needed to be home with me right now. I would have never asked him to do that, but it showed me how completely he loves me and will do what is within his power to be there.
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128points
#17
It wasn't a single moment, but just this overwhelming lack of tension and anxiety he brings. I’m a happy person naturally and I’ve had plenty of good relationships in the past, I’ve loved, I’ve been loved, but this man is just… everything with him feels new and so incredibly easy. Since we met, it’s like someone turned life on easy mode. He’s had issues come up with work and his family, I’ve had issues come up with work, life and my family, but it doesn’t touch our relationship, which is so solid and so reassuring and so secure - that it literally feels like nothing can touch me.
It’s not a single moment, it’s the endless ways in which this amazing person shows up for me and other people in his life, without asking for anything in return. It’s the looking back at our time together and realising there isn’t a single moment we spent together that wasn’t made better by him being there.
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111points
#18
Maybe my comment won't have as much weight as others because I'm young and I've been with him for two years so far but I do believe we'll spend our lives together so here it goes.
I've told this story many times before, but I enjoy being reminded of it by such posts.
We'd been together for less than six months when it happened. Somehow we've always known, but for me that moment was when I felt like I know for sure.
My mother has a rare genetic disease and it's turned out that both my sister and I have the same genetic defect. This happened before we found out, but it's relevant to the story.
It was a very hot summer day, and we had an appointment at the cardiologist's since my mother's heart is affected by her illness and wanted to get ours checked too. My partner tagged along.
We had a holter recorder attached to our chests for 24 hours, which I was pissed about because I knew that it couldn't touch water and I wanted nothing more than taking a shower and washing my hair that day which I would have been unable to do alone.
I was very frustrated, I cried, I told him that if it turns out that I do have it, I'll end it all before the disease could take me out. I didn't really mean it though, which he knew. I behaved really bad, and it was clear that he was frustrated by it but never said a bad word, never raised his voice, nor ignored me.
Later in the apartment he helped me shower. I didn't ask him, he didn't even say he's coming to help. He just followed me and helped, held the shower head, made sure that the device stays dry. He helped me wash my hair too, and then dried me with a towel. I was so touched that I couldn't stop crying and thanking him.
All he replied was "cause the lady wanted to wash her hair, huh?" with a smile in a mocking yet loving way.
I'll never forget that
110points
#19
We were friends, and had been for awhile. We were walking together one night for exercise when we decided to go across this old railroad bridge as a shortcut. I'm scared of heights, so I grabbed his hand and by the time we got to the other side I knew I was going to marry him. Asked him out the next week after all my hints flew over his head. Friends, I did indeed marry him and he is the best husband and father.
102points
#20
When we had just started dating, he was visiting me and a well-known pop song started playing on the radio. He asked me to dance to it in the kitchen and sang the entire lyrics (very off-key) along. It was clear to me at that moment that we would be doing dances like that forever, me laughing at his non-existent singing skills (six years later I can report we still do it :)).
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95points