Therapists Reveal The Stories That Quietly Broke Their “No Judgment” Rule

Actual therapist here - licensed clinical psychologist.

Much of my work with clients specifically focuses on how NOT to judge...our performance as employees, our value as parents or partners, and our own self-worth. Honestly, my holy s**t moments have more to do with how pervasive our tendency to judge is. No matter how accomplished or resilient someone is, s/he has the capacity to judge themselves harshly, and often do. The funny thing is, we often judge ourselves much more harshly than others. So I'm often amazed at how blind people can be to their achievements and strengths and how unkind they can be to themselves. My role in those scenarios is to help them seem themselves with compassion and to help them treat themselves as they would treat a loved one. It's a simple but not easy task, and I love every minute of it.

I doubt this response is what the OP was looking to hear, but that's what comes to mind. Judgements are simple things - labels of something (a person, an idea, an object) as good or bad. They are ubiquitous in everyday life. They are painfully easy to make, and the problem lies in that we believe them. Judgment are just thoughts, and like all thoughts, they're not necessarily true. Helping people spot their judgments and either challenge or let go of them is a lifelong skill to develop.

I'm not a therapist, but similar scenario. I hung out with a friend back in June after not seeing her for about 8 months. She was arrested a few days prior for destroying her boyfriends stuff, she was was in an extremely toxic and a*****e relationship on both ends. Anyways I'm hanging out with her and she's quite different, she so paranoid and constantly taking pictures of people. She'd take a selfie and capture someone behind her and tried to be sneaky but it was obvious. Finally I just asked her what is going on and and after her hesitating saying i wouldn't believe her I assured her I would.. Well. She starts by saying how her boyfriend is the leader to an underground secret society, like the illuminati or some s**t. And he apparently is manufacturing some unknown d**g, that doesn't show up on any d**g tests, and is using it to r**e her and sell her body to random people. She said this is why she was taking pictures of everyone because she's convinced they know her and know her boyfriend and that they'll tell him they saw her with me.

I was pretty freaked out, and I honestly believe she had to be suffering some a psychotic break or possibly schizophrenia. The worst part of the story and what really made me say Holy S**t was her mum... so it turns out later that night she went to the er because she was s******l. I picked up her mum since she took the only car and we drove to the hospital but couldn't go in of course cause covid. We were able to call and verify she was there, and spoke with the nurse who was going to do her psych eval. She couldn't tell us anything but she did ask if we had any concerns or if she had a history of mental illness. Her mum said yes just s******l. She knows something else was going on with her daughter and she refused to believe it. I was honest with the nurse and told her what I wrote above... her mum absolutely flipped the f**k out on me and get this... accused me of ruining their vacation. Apparently they had aeroplane tickets for floida in three days and they ended up committing her to psych hospital. I couldn't believe the mum cared more about her holiday and money than the health and wellbeing of her daughter.

We haven't talked since this. But I hope she's doing better. I dont regret it, she can hate me all she want, but she was definitely in need of help.

I work in healthcare and I've never heard a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist judge patients openly. Other nurses and doctors, on the other hand, holy s**t. At some of the clinics I've been in the conversations in the breakroom and at the nurse's station blew my mind.

I've spent my fair share of time in the ward, but I'm no therapist. There's an understanding that we're all a little f****d up in there so we really try not to judge each other (Most of us, anyways.) but every once in a while you get those people who are just....a different level of crazy.

Now, I was on the ward for a s*****e attempt, and it wasn't exactly a secret, you can usually pick out within the first few minutes who's there for finding the end of their rope and who's there because it's better'n jail. But then there are the ones who are there because there is no safer place for them to be, and you're usually lucky to see them because they spend most of their time isolated and doped.

Well, I was lucky enough to meet one of them right before he got doped and isolated. He was such a nice guy that I assumed he was an attempter, like me. You tend to find a lot of the best qualities in people after they've tried to end their life. With this gentleman, that was very much the case; I saw the best in him. "Can I take your plate for you?" (We have to tell him no, you're not supposed to be anything except self-sufficient on the ward.)

"Can I do your laundry for you?"

"Can I wash these dishes before we send them back to the cafeteria?"

A lot of this was going on, and after 3 days of it, it was definitely becoming apparent that his typical concoction of meds had fully worn off and he was getting snippy about it. Well, my first experience with extreme bipolar disorder went a little like this:

"May I sit next to you? I'm a little tense and would love a conversation to get my mind off of it."

"Sure thing, B. I'm gonna finish this pudding and put a show on, what would you like to watch?"

"Oh, nothing. Hey have you ever tried to hurt yourself?"

"Yeah, I have, it's why I'm in here."

"Why didn't it work?"

"Well, I stopped myself and drove here after I caught a glimpse of what it would do to my dad if he found me."

"I see. Well, they won't let me have anything in my room but watch this." *He hands me the end of a long strand of toilet paper* "You hold that end and just watch."

Now as I'm holding it I already have this idea in my head that this guy is actively trying to hurt himself, so I'm a bit curious to see what he's doing, but I'm also a bit paranoid that he may have given up on hurting himself and is now targeting someone else. But as I sit there watching him twist this toilet paper and fold it in on itself, I recognize what he's created as the start of a noose and it dawns on me. *He's trying to teach me how to hang myself.*

I still think about that guy. I wonder what he's like day-to-day when he's "regular." All I ever saw was this overly exuberant bubbly personality which was tailored to make people think he wasn't as crazy as he really was. He hurt a couple of nurses that night and the day after his noose creation, he was isolated to his room for the remainder of my stay.

Guy assaulted his wife and then told me he didn't and she was lying. However, he later told me that they were having relationship problems because he didn't feel that she should be able to refuse him s*x since they were married. I found out after the fact the wife had also reported to police he had s****************d her as well.

This was 5+ years ago in the south so sadly not uncommon, but it was his lack of remorse or any acknowledgement of wrongdoing and breezy way of bringing this up that was really upsetting.

I started up with a new therapist many years ago.

I was in a really black hole, living on my own in a s****y little one bedroom apartment, drinking too much, missing my kids like crazy (they are grown and live in a different state). The lady had a lovely office and comfy chairs and I must have just felt so comfortable for the first time in a long time, I began pouring my heart out. After about 10 minutes I looked up and this lovely lady therapist was crying. I didn’t know what to do! She said she was missing her kids also and I guess I sparked something. We talked for a few minutes and I left no charge.

I hope she’s doing better now.

I saw a new therapist, that specializes in a*******n. So he knows how to read the patient, and we laughed about it, but I told him my typical alcohol intake/BAC, and he just went "holy s**t how are you not dead"? Results incoming, they're trying to not do a liver biopsy if not necessary cuz I guess that has some nasty side effects. But we had a good laugh about that, he looked at my charts and was like "dude you passed street tests at .42?". I don't know how I'm alive, not a proud time of my life.

Licensed art therapist here :) I think an important thing to note is that therapists are really taught how to approach therapy without judgement. We do have 2 important terms to be aware of which are: transference and countertransference. Transference (noun): the redirection of feelings about a specific person onto someone else (in therapy, this refers to a client's projection of their feelings about someone else onto their therapist). Countertransference (noun): the redirection of a therapist's feelings toward the client.

That being said, I’ve definitely felt strong and visceral countertransference towards clients before. I’ve had clients with very different political beliefs. I’ve had clients who believe the pandemic is a hoax. And I’ve had clients who have been abusers in their past. If I were having conversations with someone in passing (not as a therapist) about the “hoax” theory, would I pass judgement? Yes, probably. But it’s different when it’s in the therapy space.

But the most important thing to keep in mind as a therapist is that this person in front of you is human. And they are sitting with you in hopes of digging and working through their internal scaries. They are opening up, showing vulnerability, and letting you see into their mind and history.

The wife and I went through marriage counseling there for a bit. I told the counseling the wife always had a tone. The wife replies "I don't have a f*****g tone" the counseling looked at the wife and said "umm you kind of do lol"

Wife laughed it off and said ok maybe a little bit but d**n

A week later when the counselor and I had our one on one session she stated she wasn't suppose to judge but in that moment she could see way I said in a previous session the wife can sometimes come off as a royal b***h.

One time I had a client bring Taco Bell into session.