People process childhood trauma differently. Some are lucky enough to be unaffected by it as they grow into adulthood.
However, others have an altered perception of what is normal. The realization eventually comes later in life, and it can be as sobering as a splash of cold water in the face.
This was the discussion in a recent Reddit thread, when a bunch of people opened up about traumatic experiences they brushed off. A few of these stories might be triggering for some of you readers, so proceed with caution.
#21
My parents were divorced, and my mom had primary custody for some reason. She was never around—always at the bar or with men. Eventually, when I was around 10, she all but moved out entirely. My 3 siblings (ranging from a year younger to 5 years older) and I would go days and eventually weeks without seeing her. My two older brothers and their friends seemed to love this; my little sister and I were confused but we adjusted with each passing year.
The time came for my oldest brother to move out, and then a few years later the other one was off to college too, leaving my sister and I alone in our house. We both did every extra curricular activity possible to stay out of that quiet, dark, empty shack.
Don’t worry though! There was a job at a local drugstore that each of my siblings passed on to each other, so after a 5am club, school until 2pm, tutoring or student gov, and sports practice, I’d work until 11pm so my sister and I could afford supplemental food (we made sure to get two meals at school), and my mom typically kept the lights and water on from wherever she remained.
Now that you’ve got the background info, let’s move on to when I realized this wasn’t normal…
The same year my other brother moved out, I became part of a really fun friend group! Woohoo! They’d come over and *loved* being at my house. I genuinely couldn’t understand why. I didn’t have WiFi, we had one of those enormous tube tvs (this was circa 2013), and the house was decrepit, dirty, and devoid of food. The only source of entertainment was an Xbox 360.
I should mention that at this point, my little sister basically moved in with her best friends. She was a mommy’s girl, so this separation hurt her more than I was keenly aware of at the time.
Anyway, I longed to go over to my friends’ houses. I wanted to do the things they talked about doing when they were at home: watch YouTube videos on flatscreens, eat dinner and snacks, drink pop, be in a bright clean place, but ALWAYS they protested: “No my parents are home!”.
How the hell were their parents always home whenever I asked to come over? All of my friends said this! All the time?! It was so annoying. I’d often respond with “why are your parents always home?” And they’d laugh, which felt good but didn’t answer my genuine question.
The final nail in the coffin of discovering my parental abandonment, you ask? My AP gov class. This teacher doubled as the school’s track coach, so he had a close relationship with my dedicated sister and knew things about my life that I hadn’t told him. Well, we were learning about absentee voting on this particular day, and Mr Putnam set up his example without my full attention, calling on a few people and asking about their parents and if they were at home and paid the bills. All yeses, all around.
Then to me: “assortedolives, does your mom live at home?”
My wandering mind focused on the strange question as I noticed all of my peers staring at me.
“No...?”, I said.
“Does she pay the water and light bill?”
“….Yes?”, hesitantly this time, in fear that Mr. Putnam was about to berate me for not paying attention. This was a common occurrence.
“That’s absentee parenting! And you can do it with voting. You can vote from a different location, just like assortedolive’s mom pays the bill from afar!”
After noticing everyone’s perplexed faces, I felt a little embarrassed as it slowly sunk in that my life wasn’t normal.
I later discovered that this information was shared with the school admin, and it was decided that doing something about it would negatively impact my sister and I, who were doing very well at school. They chose to leave us alone and struggling because the pain that would be caused if they got involved would be worse.
I left my sister behind like my brothers did us both to go to West Point. A year later, she followed me to the academy as well. I dropped out of USMA, but she finished. I try not to think about how hard it was for her to be alone that final year. I learnt that my “friends”, who never amounted to anything, still showed up and used my house to party and wrapped my sister up in it. I still blame myself.
TLDR: my mom abandoned my siblings and I at a young age, we all lived alone in a house with no parents, and no one ever told us that it was weird until my AP gov teacher outed this info in front of my entire class and then involved the schools administration.
The time came for my oldest brother to move out, and then a few years later the other one was off to college too, leaving my sister and I alone in our house. We both did every extra curricular activity possible to stay out of that quiet, dark, empty shack.
Don’t worry though! There was a job at a local drugstore that each of my siblings passed on to each other, so after a 5am club, school until 2pm, tutoring or student gov, and sports practice, I’d work until 11pm so my sister and I could afford supplemental food (we made sure to get two meals at school), and my mom typically kept the lights and water on from wherever she remained.
Now that you’ve got the background info, let’s move on to when I realized this wasn’t normal…
The same year my other brother moved out, I became part of a really fun friend group! Woohoo! They’d come over and *loved* being at my house. I genuinely couldn’t understand why. I didn’t have WiFi, we had one of those enormous tube tvs (this was circa 2013), and the house was decrepit, dirty, and devoid of food. The only source of entertainment was an Xbox 360.
I should mention that at this point, my little sister basically moved in with her best friends. She was a mommy’s girl, so this separation hurt her more than I was keenly aware of at the time.
Anyway, I longed to go over to my friends’ houses. I wanted to do the things they talked about doing when they were at home: watch YouTube videos on flatscreens, eat dinner and snacks, drink pop, be in a bright clean place, but ALWAYS they protested: “No my parents are home!”.
How the hell were their parents always home whenever I asked to come over? All of my friends said this! All the time?! It was so annoying. I’d often respond with “why are your parents always home?” And they’d laugh, which felt good but didn’t answer my genuine question.
The final nail in the coffin of discovering my parental abandonment, you ask? My AP gov class. This teacher doubled as the school’s track coach, so he had a close relationship with my dedicated sister and knew things about my life that I hadn’t told him. Well, we were learning about absentee voting on this particular day, and Mr Putnam set up his example without my full attention, calling on a few people and asking about their parents and if they were at home and paid the bills. All yeses, all around.
Then to me: “assortedolives, does your mom live at home?”
My wandering mind focused on the strange question as I noticed all of my peers staring at me.
“No...?”, I said.
“Does she pay the water and light bill?”
“….Yes?”, hesitantly this time, in fear that Mr. Putnam was about to berate me for not paying attention. This was a common occurrence.
“That’s absentee parenting! And you can do it with voting. You can vote from a different location, just like assortedolive’s mom pays the bill from afar!”
After noticing everyone’s perplexed faces, I felt a little embarrassed as it slowly sunk in that my life wasn’t normal.
I later discovered that this information was shared with the school admin, and it was decided that doing something about it would negatively impact my sister and I, who were doing very well at school. They chose to leave us alone and struggling because the pain that would be caused if they got involved would be worse.
I left my sister behind like my brothers did us both to go to West Point. A year later, she followed me to the academy as well. I dropped out of USMA, but she finished. I try not to think about how hard it was for her to be alone that final year. I learnt that my “friends”, who never amounted to anything, still showed up and used my house to party and wrapped my sister up in it. I still blame myself.
TLDR: my mom abandoned my siblings and I at a young age, we all lived alone in a house with no parents, and no one ever told us that it was weird until my AP gov teacher outed this info in front of my entire class and then involved the schools administration.
20points
#22
She I went to a friends house and they didn’t have to ask to eat food and they had food in the fridge that wasn’t alcohol.
For reference I moved out at 17 my older brother moved out at 17 and my little sister ran away at 15 because the situation was so bad.
For reference I moved out at 17 my older brother moved out at 17 and my little sister ran away at 15 because the situation was so bad.
19points
#23
In all fairness my parents coached me on what to say to teachers so nobody would get reported. So I had an inkling that maybe this lifestyle wasnt a widely understood thing.
But I’d say that for sure, my mom finding pubic hairs on the kitchen floor where we all slept together in full or partial nudity, and then getting blamed for shedding pubic hair, as a tween, because she’d turn it into some kind of Clue Game really made me think none of this was ok.
But I’d say that for sure, my mom finding pubic hairs on the kitchen floor where we all slept together in full or partial nudity, and then getting blamed for shedding pubic hair, as a tween, because she’d turn it into some kind of Clue Game really made me think none of this was ok.
18points
#24
When my friends would come over and hide in my room because they were scared of my dad. Most didnt come back a second time.
18points
#25
My father was an alcoholic. We lived in a kind of small town. We kids had check cashing ability at the local liquor store. Picture a 6,8 and a ten year old walk into a liquor store and the owner knows our family well enough to cash checks, we had family that lived a long way away so for Christmas and birthday's we got a check from our grandparents.
It wasn't until I was in my 20's and got involved with a 12 step program called adult children of alcoholics that I realised that it was not normal for kids to walk into a liquor store and get a check cashed.
It wasn't until I was in my 20's and got involved with a 12 step program called adult children of alcoholics that I realised that it was not normal for kids to walk into a liquor store and get a check cashed.
18points
#26
My best friend came to spend the night in 5th grade and had to go home an hour after arriving because she was too cold. We live in the Midwest this was winter we did not have heat. Her family had me over as much as possible after that. Until I ruined that with behavior I didn't know wasn't okay. Yes, they called DHS my mom just turned on the heat while they were there.
17points
#27
My friends and I were talking about our prom dresses and I mentioned I hadn't bought one yet. They knew that I had earned the money for my dress babysitting and working as a restaurant hostess and wanted to know what happened to that money.
That's when I distractedly said something like "oh, I loaned it to my parents to bail my father out of jail and I'm just waiting for them to pay me back so I can buy the dress." The stares were really something.
Turns out, it's not particularly normal for a high schooler to bail their father out of the drunk tank multiple times.
Fairly sure one of them talked to a school counselor about the situation, because I was enrolled in Children of Alcholics the next week.
That's when I distractedly said something like "oh, I loaned it to my parents to bail my father out of jail and I'm just waiting for them to pay me back so I can buy the dress." The stares were really something.
Turns out, it's not particularly normal for a high schooler to bail their father out of the drunk tank multiple times.
Fairly sure one of them talked to a school counselor about the situation, because I was enrolled in Children of Alcholics the next week.
17points
#28
Going to church on Wednesdays at the fire department and all the kids got to hang out in a separate room while the parents prayed. It was actually just my mother's AA meetings.
17points
#29
Watched the show Hoarders in my late teens and realized growing up my house looked like many of them in the show.
16points
#30
Oh. Also, my husband is 45 and refuses to confront his childhood. He was kind of concerned our 17 year old isn't ready to fledge, because he was on his own by age 15.
I was like yeah he has been nurtured.
He was like... I was... uh...
And I was like AND THAT'S WHY I CAN'T LIKE YOUR MOM.
bwah.
I was like yeah he has been nurtured.
He was like... I was... uh...
And I was like AND THAT'S WHY I CAN'T LIKE YOUR MOM.
bwah.
16points
#31
When my friend's mom wouldn't let my stepmom talk to me on the phone (landline time), that she didn't believe anything she was saying, and that I could go home if I wanted, but that I was welcome to stay with them as long as I needed because she wasn't sending me back there. Then she gave me $20 for lunch, which bought a whole lot of bad public school pizzas in 1998.
16points
#32
Freshman year of college. Everyone else missed their parents and called home all the time. Counting down the days til they got to go home for the holidays.
I finally felt free to be away and was counting down the same days with dread.
I finally felt free to be away and was counting down the same days with dread.
16points
#33
When I heard my friends’ parents tell them they loved them. I never got that at my house.
16points
#34
The fact that my mother held childhood lies born out of extreme anxiety against me well into adulthood. Turns out when you tell the truth but the answer isn’t believable or good enough for your parents, it puts you in a fear state where you just blurt out anything to get away from the threat.
Came to a point where I started to tell my mom that it doesn’t matter my answer because she wouldn’t believe me anyway.
No child should have to logic that out themselves before the age of 10. It all led to significant doubts in my abilities and esteem.
Came to a point where I started to tell my mom that it doesn’t matter my answer because she wouldn’t believe me anyway.
No child should have to logic that out themselves before the age of 10. It all led to significant doubts in my abilities and esteem.
15points
#35
When I had a a bf over to my parents for Xmas, I didn’t realize how abnormal my mom’s version of holidays are. My mom is very controlling and goes way over the top. I had no idea other people had relaxing holidays and that it wasn’t a big production. Xmas is my mom’s perfect day and it didn’t dawn on me how toxic her control of the day was until my bf told me how he didn’t feel welcome and not good enough.
15points
#36
When I saw the cult my mum joined us into being investigated by the BBC News.
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15points
#37
I was reading a Reddit thread about how to know if someone had a traumatic childhood without saying they had a traumatic childhood for research on a project. And, yeah, turns out my childhood was indeed not normal, it was in fact traumatic and I use several coping mechanisms to make myself feel safe in my day to day life.
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15points
#38
Raising my kids. I love them unconditionally.
I don’t have a relationship with my parents anymore. Their love was conditional on me keeping their secrets and pretending everything was ok.
I didn’t realize how abnormal my childhood was until I wanted to give my children a normal childhood.
I don’t have a relationship with my parents anymore. Their love was conditional on me keeping their secrets and pretending everything was ok.
I didn’t realize how abnormal my childhood was until I wanted to give my children a normal childhood.
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15points
#39
When I realized that hugs are normal everyday activity.
13points
#40
Probably when we left the really extreme cult for the almost-appears-normal cult when I was 14. I walked into a school for the first time as a high school freshman.
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13points
