59 Moments When Terrible People Made Everyone Aware Of Their Horrible Views And Personalities

One question you may ask after meeting someone who hid their true selves for prolonged periods is, “Why did it take them so long?” Apparently, it’s all a game of manipulation. 

According to Hannah Lewis, a counselor and psychotherapist at Compare My Health Insurance, these people understand that control is easier once the other person begins to trust and invest emotionally.

“When someone feels bonded, it can become harder to question red flags, easier to explain away hurtful moments, and more costly to leave due to shared routines, social ties, money, living arrangements, or a sense of responsibility,” Lewis told Bored Panda. 

Lewis adds that these people tend to play the long game, beginning with small boundary pushes. They will then escalate once they learn what the other person will or will not tolerate. 

Prevention is always better than implementing remedies. In this case, it helps to see the psychological warning signs that may indicate a toxic or manipulative behavior. 

Lewis says one manifestation is through “rapid intensity that skips the normal pace of trust-building.” It could take the form of pressure to make a fast commitment, over-the-top flattery, pushing for instant emotional disclosure, and immediate talk of a shared future in romantic relationships. 

“Also keep an eye out for patterns of control that show up as isolation, jealousy framed as love, monitoring your time, discouraging outside friendships, or creating conflict whenever you spend time with others,” Lewis added, noting that the person may also use teasing that may leave you feeling unsettled. 

It can be tough for anyone to try to distance themselves from someone they realize isn’t a good person. This may be especially true if a relationship had already been built. 

However, there are other ways to do this. Lewis suggests keeping finances separate, not tolerating surprise visits, and immediately ending a conversation that becomes insulting or threatening. 

“If you need to distance yourself, do it in practical layers and first reduce how much personal information you share,” Lewis said. Choose public settings or time-limited interactions. Arrange your own transportation. 

“If you feel consistently anxious, foggy, or pressured after contact, treat that as useful information. Keeping a simple record of concerning incidents and what happened can help you stay grounded if your memory is later challenged.”