The final days of a woman's pregnancy can be an exciting and anxious time. There's lots to juggle emotionally, mentally, physically and logistically. So it helps to have a birth and postpartum plan in place to not only lay out your preferences and wishes but also to manage the expectations of family and friends, as well as your stress levels.
When one mom-to-be decided that she didn't want any overnight guests for the immediate days after her first baby's birth, she thought people would understand. Instead, she was met with a tantrum from her mother-in-law who said if she can't sleep over, she won't be visiting at all. The expectant mom has shared how the whole ordeal has sent her anxiety levels through the roof. And she's reached out to people on the internet for advice on how to balance her own needs and her MIL's demands.
Pregnancy and birth are no walk in the park, and it helps to have supportive people to lean on
Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Instead of making life easier, one mom-to-be's MIL is causing her anxiety by demanding to stay over after the baby is born
Image credits: Otacilio Maia/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
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Don't forget to include boundaries in your postpartum plan, warn the experts
Moms-to-be sometimes get so caught up in preparing for the birth that they forget to set out a solid postpartum plan. “A postpartum plan lays out the new parents’ wishes, requests, boundaries and support system after the baby arrives,” social worker and counselor, Michelle Risser told The Bump.
This can include things like who will be doing the household chores and cooking, how and when you’ll introduce the new baby to family and friends, whether your partner (if you have one) will be helping with night feeds and how you’ll get enough rest as you recover from giving birth.
Experts say the plan can be as basic or extensive as you want, but it does pay to have one. “While it's impossible to know what to expect during the postpartum period, it can be helpful to have a loose plan in place, with constructive boundaries that help you ensure that your needs are met,” advises birth and postpartum doula Marnellie Bishop.
“It can help reduce the awkwardness of boundaries relating to visitors when the baby first arrives—like who will visit at the hospital, when visitors are welcome at home or whether others can hold the baby,” adds Risser.
Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Both agree that boundaries are key. Boundaries are not about being selfish but rather about self-care. Bishop describes boundaries as the physical, emotional and mental limits we set for ourselves within our relationships to prevent us from being "manipulated, used, or violated by others."
Bishop notes that if you feel guilty about setting boundaries, it helps to remember it’s not your responsibility to keep other people happy all the time. The point of setting healthy postpartum boundaries, she says, is to ensure that you, your baby, and your family’s needs are being met. After all, the postpartum period is all about adjusting to life with your new baby, bonding, and of course, recovering after giving birth.
"Whether this is your first, third, or sixth baby, learning to communicate your feelings and setting boundaries to protect your time and space as a new parent is super important for your health and well-being," warns Bishop, adding that failure to set and stick to boundaries can leave new moms feeling even more overwhelmed and exhausted. "This can lead to feelings of frustration and even resentment toward those you love the most," she says.
"It's truly her loss": netizens agreed that the mom-to-be should stick to her boundaries
