Unfortunately, life is a damn unfair thing, and instead of "living happily ever after until death do us part," many couples break up just a few years after the altar. Some last longer, some less, but the statistics are inevitable like Thanos - up to half of marriages end in divorce...
And where there are divorces, there are also stepparents for children. It’s good when stepmoms and stepdads can fully replace their biological ones with kids - but what if these moms and dads are not at all eager to be replaced? As, for example, happened in this story from the user u/amiacrazymum on Reddit.
The author of the post has 3 kids with her now-ex husband, 4, 6 and 9 years old
Image credits: Eric Lewis (not the actual photo)
A few years ago, the author's husband cheated on her and it all ended in divorce
Image credits: u/amiacrazymum
Now the guy lives with that 24 Y.O. woman, and he has custody over their kids as well
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/amiacrazymum
The mom works really hard so she can't afford even 50/50 custody, while the ex's GF tries to impose herself as a mom for the kids
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/amiacrazymum
Recently the women even had a massive fight over this - and the author snapped at her opponent for trying to replace her
So, the Original Poster (OP) is 38 years old and has three children with her ex-husband, 4, 6 and 9 years old. Several years ago, the spouse cheated on the author with a 24-year-old woman, and everything predictably ended in divorce. Two weeks later, the guy's mistress moved in with him - and since then they have been living together.
The original poster, in her own words, has to work a lot, up to 70 hours a week - so she can't afford even 50/50 custody, and the children only spend a few days a week with her. And yet, mom tries to stay involved in their lives - funding everything regarding the kids, going shopping with them, hosting parties and so on...
What the author doesn’t like about her ex’s girlfriend is that she has constantly tried to impose herself on the kids as a mother, repeatedly even inviting them to call her that, although the children regularly answered that they already had a mom. However, the OP's ex, according to her, has always been a decent dad, and his GF also did not particularly fit the description of the stereotypical "evil stepmom..."
The last line was crossed quite recently - when the GF once again came to pick up the children and the mother discovered that she was quarreling with her eldest, 9-year-old daughter, trying to force the girl to address her as “mom.”
In the heat of the ensuing argument, the girlfriend even stated that the original poster wasn't sufficiently involved in the lives of her own kids, so she was actually doing her best to “give the kids a full childhood.” Moreover, according to the woman, the younger children have gradually begun to forget their biological mother...
And here the OP lost it completely. No, she did not yell at the ex’s girlfriend, but in her monologue, cold and furious, she expressed all the feelings that she had accumulated towards this woman, and questioned how she even dared to try to replace her children’s own mother.
Probably, the author did not quite mince words, because that same evening her ex called her, raging at her for ‘disrespecting’ his partner, and the OP’s own mother also said that her daughter 'could’ve handled it better'. And the woman herself is sincerely perplexed - was she wrong about something here?
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
“Of course, trying to replace a mother for children while their biological mom has not gone anywhere and is trying to be present in the lives of the children is not very appropriate,” supposes Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment about this situation. “The new girlfriend is doing the right thing by trying to build up a proper relationship with her partner’s children, but she shouldn’t go too far on this path either.”
“But what else would I advise this mother to seriously think about - how important is her job really to her compared to parenting? If she really wants to be a full-fledged mom to her kids, and not only help the dad in his parenting, then she should try to somehow organize her work-life balance to let herself spend more time with kids. Really share the custody with her ex. I think everyone would only benefit from this," Irina says.
People in the comments, meanwhile, massively supported the Original Poster, arguing that it was at least undignified for her ex’s girfriend to try to replace the children’s mom, and seriously considering all this to be a kind of parental alienation. “Some 24 y/o who had sex with a 40 year old married man has no right to act as if she has the moral high ground here,” someone aptly wrote in the comments.
On the other hand, some commenters believe that all three characters are acting inappropriately in this situation. "You think throwing parties and paying for things and acting like a Disney Cruise Director is parenting, GF thinks being a caregiver makes her a mom, and ex-husband is backing up GF," these were truly wise words from some of the commenters.
By the way, after reading all the comments, the author of the post admitted that she seemed to have realized her main mistake, and in the near future she'll talk to her manager about reducing her workload in order to devote more time to her kids. We hope that everything in this situation will work out for the best... By the way, have you, our dear readers, ever faced or witnessed something similar? Please feel free to share your own experience, as well as your viewpoints, in the comments section.
The internet is very divided here, but the majority of commenters still sided with the author of the post
