Every parent wants to have a good relationship with their kid, and every kid wants to be loved by their parents. This kind of bond might seem simple in theory, but it requires lots of mutual effort and care.
Both the kid and their parent need to be on the same page and put each other first, but that doesn’t always happen. In this case, especially, a mom felt it was okay to abandon her child to pursue her new relationship. When she later tried to mend their bond, she realized the extent of the damage she had inflicted.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes, even parents can make silly decisions, but it’s important that they own up to those mistakes rather than deny what happened
Image credits: Aleksandr Kirillov / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster’s parents got divorced when they were 12, and after the mom got remarried, her husband didn’t want her to meet her ex, so she cut ties with her kid too
Image credits: azgek / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After getting divorced again, the mom tried reconnecting with her kid, and the teen agreed even though they felt a bit awkward about the situation
Image credits: Forsaken-Year-7175
The mom tried parenting the teen by telling them not to read toxic romance novels, but the poster hit back at her and reminded her that she had been out of their life for 6 years
The teen had obviously been through a lot in their life. First, having to deal with their parents’ divorce and then having to adjust to a life without their mom in the picture. Her decision not to pursue custody or exercise her visitation rights must have also been painful. So, when she eventually came back into the OP’s life, it was an incredibly awkward experience.
These kinds of experiences might be tough on kids. To understand more, Bored Panda reached out to Vassia Sarantopoulou, the head psychologist, founder, and director of AntiLoneliness. She told us that “for many kids reuniting with a once-absent parent, the emotional landscape can feel like a storm: there’s hope, grief, fear, anger, and deep-seated resentment.”
“It’s as if there’s an invisible void inside, a lingering echo of past neglect that fuels current feelings.” Vassia explained that kids need to have “healthy processing without pressure.” She also said: “Your anger isn’t just noise, it carries important messages about past hurts. Don’t feel pressured to ‘get over it’ quickly. Instead, give yourself permission to feel and express these emotions.”
“Consider journaling as a personal conversation with your inner self. It’s like clearing the clutter off a messy desk, allowing you to see what’s really underneath. Alternatively, speaking with a trusted mentor, therapist, or friend can help unpack those layers,” she added.
The problem is that the teen didn’t really have time to process their complicated feelings about their mom being back, as she had already started offering parenting advice. Telling the OP to stop reading toxic romance novels was a massive boundary overstep on her part.
An important point Vassia mentioned is that “reconnecting with a child after years of absence is a journey, a bit like tending a delicate garden that’s been through a harsh winter. It takes time, consistency, and a whole lot of compassion.”
“According to Bowlby’s Attachment Theory, early relationships shape our expectations for safety and love. When those core emotional needs—security, validation, and belonging—are neglected, it’s like the rope has been frayed. Now, when you try to reconnect, your child might instinctively pull back to protect themselves, even as part of them yearns for your love,” she explained.
Image credits: bearfotos / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The OP definitely wanted to rebuild the bond between them and their mom, but receiving parenting advice so soon into reconnecting must have felt absurd to them. That’s why the poster reminded their mom that she had been gone for 6 years and that she couldn’t expect her kid to be the same at eighteen as they had been at twelve.
The mom definitely made a blunder by trying to move too fast and not giving her kid enough space to adjust to the new situation. That’s why Vassia Sar said: “Allow your child the time to decide whether they’re ready to lean in. Their hesitance isn’t rejection, it’s a shield built over years.”
“Just like watering a plant daily, showing up consistently (even in small, everyday moments) reinforces that you’re reliable. Regular check-ins or shared activities can help mend those fragile bonds. Start with non-threatening encounters that allow your child to express themselves without pressure. This gradual approach helps rebuild their sense of safety,” she said.
The mom was obviously shocked and hurt at being confronted about her abandonment. She probably expected her child to get over it or not bring it up in such a way. Rather than acknowledging the situation, she immediately became defensive.
Vassia explained that it’s important for parents to “accept responsibility for past mistakes without shifting blame. Acknowledge the pain caused by your absence and the unmet emotional needs, but avoid using your past wounds as excuses. Your child should not feel responsible for your emotions, whether through direct expressions or more subtle, passive-aggressive cues.”
It’s not easy to rebuild a fractured relationship, especially one like the bond between a parent and child. If the OP’s mom is willing to accept her past mistakes and be patient with her kid, things can definitely improve between them. If she just lets her teen read toxic romance novels, maybe all will be fine with the world. What do you think?
Folks sided with the poster and said that the mom had no right to get mad when she was the one who chose to abandon her kid
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
