Ok, we know. There’s a 99,9% chance that something like this has never even remotely crossed your mind. But let’s think about it for a second. The tradition of Santa Claus delivering a Christmas lump of coal to naughty kids has unclear origins, but the theories are all pretty ancient. One of the most popular ones claims that since coal was so commonly used to heat homes, it was easy for Santa to take a piece from the house itself and give it to those kids who caused a little too much trouble that year.
But now? How many homes still use these dark rocks to find some cozy warmth during the harshest winters? We’re not saying it completely disappeared, but Santa Claus would have to come up with some lump of coal alternatives, that’s for sure.
Most Christmas traditions don’t have this problem of anachronism — as long as trees, good food, and ugly sweaters exist — but when it comes to coal, Santa Claus should have adjusted his punishment methods at a certain point. This whole debate was born by an AskReddit post we found that honestly blew our minds for how random but, at the same time, relevant it was.
Is it possible for Santa’s lump of coal to have been updated for the modern era? What if Santa Claus has moved on from this old-fashioned tradition? Or if he decided that the only way to keep up with the times was to get rid of the coal altogether? So many questions that Redditors tried to find a logical answer to. After a careful reading, we collected them all here because the world deserves to know what a modern-day lump of coal would look like. You know, just for the sake of it.
#1
“Coal was a basic necessity of a household. It was’t glamorous, but it was needed. Like the heat bill. A more tangible representation today would be toilet paper.”
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25points
#2
"A frayed iPhone charger that only charges when you hold it in that one position."
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21points
#3
"Well, the thing about a "lump of coal" was it was a largely useless/worthless thing (to a kid at least) and very inexpensive (it was bought by the ton, so one lump didn't cost much) that parents already had lying around the house.
So, we're looking for a pretty good-sized thing of very little value that is basically useless to a kid and cheap/free for the parents to unload. It still has to technically be useful (like the coal for creating heat) otherwise you could just wrap up trash, but that wouldn't really be a gift.
Now, there's a chance this won't work because people often don't keep one lying around anymore, but perhaps if you planned ahead it would work. So, with that in mind, I propose the new naughty kid lump-of-coal equivalent be a nice, crisp, fresh copy of the latest telephone book delivered to the house."
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17points
#4
“The wrong phone charger, a game for a different console, a subscription to something that is free.”
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16points
#11
"Here is a new phone timmy! But it only makes phone calls and texts and the texting is T9!"
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10points
#15
"Anti-virus software.
Still useful (as coal would have been) but just a terrible gift, especially for a child."
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9points
#19
"Give ‘em a big helping of thoughts and prayers. Nothing like giving a an undeserving child a generic holiday card with pre-printed thoughts and prayers and just your signature."
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9points
