All wedding gifts are meant to go straight to the happy couple. But alas, some relatives might have sticky fingers and greed they just can’t control. It’s difficult to trust anyone—let alone your in-laws—when they’re acting shady with money and leeching off of other people’s generosity.
A bride-to-be shared how she found out that her future mother-in-law had been telling wedding guests to send her money on the happy couple’s behalf. Read on to find out what happened when she confronted her MIL and check out the internet’s reactions.
When you're getting married, every little piece of drama leads to unnecessary stress
This bride-to-be shared how her future mother-in-law made an incredibly shady request to the wedding guests
It's tough to know how much money you should give a marrying couple. A lot depends on your relationship with them
Look, the simple fact is you shouldn’t do anything related to the happy couple’s wedding or resources without either informing them first or getting their explicit permission. You might have the best intentions in the world, but you still need to communicate and be transparent. You know, like a proper grown-up should.
If you want to help the couple out, ask before you start playing around with wedding guest cash donations. And if you don’t ask, well, you can’t exactly complain about looking untrustworthy—that sort of behavior is super shady to begin with.
Setting aside the idea that one of the happy couple’s relatives is trying to redirect all the generosity their way, how much money are you actually ‘supposed’ to spend on a wedding gift? Well, that depends on your relationship with the couple.
According to The Knot, if your best friend or an immediate family member is getting married, you should spend at least $250 on their gift. Alternatively, you can give $250 in cash.
A gift for a close friend should cost between $150 and $250, or you can give them $200 in cash. A good friend’s gift should cost between $100 and $200. Or you can give them around $175 in cash.
Extended family members, acquaintances, and coworkers are ‘cheaper’ to shop for, and you can get away with wedding gifts costing $100 to $150. For extended family, aim for cash gifts equal to $150, while your colleagues should be happy with $100. Meanwhile, distant relatives' and friends-of-friends ' weddings have a guest spending range of $50 to $100 for gifts and $75 in cash.
Ideally, you'll find a healthy balance between generosity and what you can realistically afford with your current budget
Of course, these are just guidelines. A lot also depends on your background, financial situation, family traditions, and expectations. At the end of the day, though, when it comes to physical and cash gifts for the happy couple, spend only what you are comfortable with.
After all, the gift is unlikely to be your only expense. As a guest, you might need to buy new clothes for the wedding, potentially pay for travel and accommodation, and spend quite a bit on pre-wedding parties.
“The magic number for how much you should spend on a wedding gift depends on what fits your budget. You should give a gift that's worth what you can afford to give comfortably,” Lizzie Post, Co-President of The Emily Post Institute, told The Knot.
Meanwhile, Southern Living emphasizes that “there is no standard dollar amount that every wedding guest is expected to give.” Your choices are personal.
“People often give more to close family members and dear friends, but there are no official price ranges attached to different relationships. A plus-one who doesn’t know the couple well is generally not expected to provide a separate gift,” explained etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore, the founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, Florida.
“Start with your relationship with the couple and your own financial circumstances. Your budget should always come first (and) travel expenses can add up quickly.”
In other words, don’t bankrupt yourself and drain your savings just to leave a positive impression on everyone at the wedding. Be generous but realistically so.
We want to hear your perspectives, Pandas! Share your thoughts in the comments. What would you do if you found out that someone was redirecting all of your wedding guests’ gifts toward their own account?
If you’re already married or currently organizing your wedding, what are the biggest sources of stress that you’re dealing with? Who are the most problematic and the most helpful people among your family, friends, and colleagues? Let us know.
The internet had a lot to say about the family and wedding drama. Here are some people's perspectives
