Helping someone you love can end up turning into carrying their entire life on your back. Your compassion can become an expectation, especially when everyone around you gets comfortable knowing you will always be the one who steps in. And when you finally reach the point where you have nothing left to give, drawing a boundary might be termed selfish.
That was the reality for this woman, who had been divorced from her ex-husband for more than a decade. She kept helping him because he was the father of her children, but his drinking continued to create problems she couldn't simply ignore. Eventually, one conversation with his mother brought years of buried frustration bubbling to the surface.
More info: Reddit
Helping someone you love can become exhausting when you are the only one carrying the weight
The narrator had been divorced from her drunk ex-husband for more than a decade
She let him move back in during COVID so he could help care for their children
Over the years, his drinking worsened while his mother kept expecting the poster to handle him
Image credits: Just-Series-3045
When the woman finally set a boundary, her mother-in-law accused her of being selfish
The Original poster's marriage ended because of her ex-husband's drunkenness, but divorce never quite meant a clean break. For more than a decade, she kept finding ways to help him because she wanted their children to have a relationship with their father. When COVID hit, he moved back into her home as a roommate, helping with the kids while she worked. His drinking was manageable at first, but that peace didn't last.
Over the years, she watched his drinking get really frightening, with mental health crises thrown into the mix. His mother offered some financial help with the children, but when the woman explained how badly her son's behavior was affecting her, she felt brushed aside. She had been saying for years that she was running out of strength, yet somehow she remained the family emergency service with a pulse.
Then the narrator's health started demanding attention. She told both her ex and his mother that she was done carrying the responsibility for him and needed to focus on herself and her children. When her ex began spiraling again, she messaged his mother and told her that her son needed help.
His mother asked her to call, but after years of having her concerns dismissed, the woman couldn't bring herself to have another conversation that would likely not change anything. Instead, she sent a calm message explaining that she loved her mother-in-law but could no longer put her energy into her ex's problems.
The mother-in-law flared up and accused the woman of being selfish. The poster finally snapped and unloaded years of resentment towards the mother and son. She blocked her, told her ex he needed to move out, and finally stepped away. After a decade of rescuing everyone else, she decided that maybe she needed to choose herself this time.
The National Health Service explains that talking to someone about their drinking can be difficult for families. It also emphasizes that loved ones should take care of themselves and can step back when a conversation becomes unproductive. After years of trying to help her ex, the poster was right to choose herself after it started taking a toll on her own life.
There is also a reason her children remained at the center of her decisions. Research by the National Library of Medicine found that children exposed to a parent's substance problems can face difficulties with family functioning, academics, and social relationships. That helps explain why she kept trying to keep their father involved, even when doing so made life considerably harder.
Mayo Clinic advises that interventions can bring families together to encourage someone struggling with substance use to seek help. In this case, the woman had spent years filling that role largely alone, while his mother stayed on the sidelines. Her decision to step back finally put the responsibility back where it belonged.
Many readers told the woman she had carried her ex for long enough and needed to protect herself and her children. Others urged her to stop making excuses and finally let his mother deal with her own son. What do you think? Was she right to walk away now, or did she wait too long?
Readers told her to stop carrying her ex, protect her children, and let his mother deal with her own son
