Most people assume that the hardest part of childbirth is labor and delivery, but that’s not true. There is growing evidence that the most difficult time for mothers is actually after the baby is born, and that’s when they need the most support.
But sometimes, help can be hard to come by — as this new mom revealed in her story online.
She said a simple request for help with the newborn baby led her mother-in-law to send some strongly-worded text messages.
Early weeks of parenthood can sure be a lot of pain, but this MIL made them even worse.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman’s mother-in-law found out and launched a rant-filled texting spree
The woman said she doesn't want her mother-in-law to get close to her baby
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Lazy_Perfectionist88
The physical and emotional challenges of postpartum recovery
Mood swings, crying spells, and anxiety are just the tip of the iceberg after childbirth.
Women can experience everything from hip and back pain to bleeding, bladder or bowel issues, pelvic floor weakness, and complete exhaustion.
Effects like hair loss, night sweats, and sleep troubles can stick around for months.
“Our approach to birth has been that the baby is the candy and the mom’s the wrapper, and once the baby is out of the wrapper we cast it aside. We need to recognize that the wrapper is a person,” says Dr Alison Stuebe, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine.
For moms who have had a caesarean section, also known as a C-section, it’s even tougher. They’re not just recovering from birth, they are recovering from a major surgery.
Medically, their abdominal muscles need to heal and the incision can be painful for weeks.
Doctors usually tell these new mothers to avoid lifting anything heavier than their baby.
Based on recent data, nearly one-third of all births in the US are performed by C-section, with over 1.1 million procedures happening annually.
A recent review found that women who have emergency C-sections are at a higher risk of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) compared to women who have natural births or planned/elective C-sections.
And poor social support was identified as one of risk factors for PTSD after emergency C‑sections.
Even basic help with household tasks, cooking and newborn care can allow a new mother to focus on her healing, say experts.
For example, a partner or a family member can take over diaper changes, burping, bath time or night feedings to let her rest.
“If she is breastfeeding, bring her water or a snack while she’s feeding the baby. She’ll also need help getting in and out of bed and managing activities that involve bending, twisting and lifting,” says childbirth educator Jenny Pearson.
The emotional side of recovery is just as important.
“There is a massive hormone shift after birth that can lead to the baby blues in the first three weeks. Your partner may feel joy and relief but also sadness, disappointment or frustration,” Pearson adds. “Try to notice her needs before she can even say them, whether it’s food, a shower or time to herself. Consistency means everything.”
Dealing with family interference takes patience and teamwork
Experts say grandparents can play an important role in the children’s lives, if they know when to step in and when to step back.
“Grandparents can give much support to their families by providing a listening ear to both their children and grandchildren, free of judgement or unsolicited advice. This allows a safe space that is sorely needed by all,” says Trupti Prasad, a pediatrician in Melbourne.
But when family members start giving unsolicited advice or asking too many questions, couples should tackle the problems as a team.
Experts say the way to do that is for new parents to set boundaries right away so they don’t end up in confrontations later.
“It’s hard for (grandparents) to readjust and realize that their kids are adults and now they can make their own decisions. I think a lot of grandparents inadvertently step on the toes of the parents and do things which, to the grandparents, seem normal. But, actually it’s an invasion of their territory,” says parenting expert Esther Wojcicki.
“While people aren’t angry at each other, they can sit down together and just talk about the golden rules for how to make parenting and grandparenting work for both sides,” Wojcicki added.
Experts also suggest seeking the guidance of a professional if setting boundaries feels tricky, or your parents keep ignoring them.
This new mom’s experience shows just how quickly family interference can make postpartum recovery harder, and why boundaries are so important from the beginning.
The woman responded to comments and questions on her story
The woman gave another update on her situation, explaining the story in much more detail
Image credits: Sarah Chai/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Wayne Evans/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: www.kaboompics.com/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Lazy_Perfectionist88
Many people responded with advice, and suggestions on how to deal with the situation
