Parents-to-be spend a lot of time thinking about what their baby’s name is going to be, hoping that it suits their personality and they’ll feel proud to carry it. Putting a whole person’s essence into one word without meeting them is indeed far from easy so when parents finally settle on a name, they expect everyone to respect their decision, even if they don’t find it to their liking.
However, when these parents called their son Elijah, one of the grandmothers blatantly refused to use his real name and even gave him one that, in her opinion, suited him better. The mom was completely flabbergasted by her gall, which pushed her to kick her out of her home.
Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with Alex Anderson-Kahl, a nationally certified school psychologist, and licensed clinical psychologists Dr. Caroline Danda and Dr. Jephtha Tausig, who kindly agreed to tell us more about the importance of calling children by their real names.
When parents give their child a name, they expect everyone to use it and respect it
Image credits: Image-Source / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
However, this MIL did the opposite and even gave a new one to her grandson
Image credits: Prostock-studio / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LittlePeach212
"Using a child’s real name shows respect for their identity and helps them feel recognized as individuals"
Image credits: asier_relampagoestudio / freepik (not the actual photo)
"It is important to respect children regarding their names and how they are referred to," said licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jephtha Tausig to Bored Panda. "Assigning a child a nickname without their consent or approval is not ok and could affect the child’s self-esteem."
"Using a child’s real name shows respect for their identity and helps them feel recognized as individuals," further explained Alex Anderson-Kahl, a nationally certified school psychologist. "It is also important because of labeling theory, which says that the way we label or name people can affect how they see themselves and how others see them. By calling a child by their real name, we honor who they are, help them build a sense of self-worth, and encourage a positive classroom or community environment."
When it comes to giving children nicknames, experts say that it can be harmless and fun. However, this can quickly change depending on the person and their intent. Anderson-Kahl says that it's usually not a good idea for adults to give children nicknames without making sure the child and parents are fine with it.
"Some nicknames can be fun or kind, but others can hurt a child’s feelings or make them feel awkward. When we give someone a name they do not like, we may be giving them a label that can impact how they are treated or how they view themselves. Asking for permission first shows respect and helps avoid problems that might come from an unwanted nickname," he said.
"It is important to choose words and names carefully and show respect for each child’s preferences"
Image credits: prostock-studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Caroline Danda said that a nickname that highlights a kid's negative traits, especially those related to appearance, is never appropriate. When assigning a moniker, she believes it's important to make sure that the person is okay with it.
"If the person doesn't like being called that nickname, then it clearly shouldn't be used. Adults should step in to ask other adults to refrain from using the nickname," she said. If the child is old enough, Dr. Danda also suggests that parents teach children to be more assertive by roleplaying so they can say something if someone is using a nickname on them they dislike.
"For example, telling a friend that they don't like that nickname. If the nickname given is more mean-spirited, sometimes it's best to ignore it and walk away, particularly if being assertive backfires and leads to peers using it more because they know it bothers the child. Teaching the child to have a "whatever" attitude can be very effective in stopping unwanted behaviors, such as using a nickname," she explained.
Overall, it's important to carefully think about giving a child a nickname, as it has the potential to negatively affect them. "Nicknames can have different effects on children," said Anderson-Kahl.
"A friendly nickname that a child enjoys may make them feel special and included. However, a mean or teasing nickname can lower a child’s self-esteem and even lead to bullying. Because of labeling theory, we know that labels can shape a child’s self-image, so it is important to choose words and names carefully and show respect for each child’s preferences," he concluded.
The mom provided more context about husband's and MIL's relationship in the comments
Some readers were on the mom's side
While others had a different perspective
