There’s no need to be best friends with your mother-in-law. In fact, it’s probably more common to have a tense relationship with her. But once two people become family by marriage, it’s important for them to at least try to keep the peace.
One mother, however, decided that she had absolutely zero interest in giving her daughter-in-law a chance. Below, you’ll find a letter that the daughter-in-law wrote to an advice column seeking help after noticing how her mother-in-law's cooking had been affecting her. Keep reading to find the full story, as well as some of the replies concerned readers shared.
This woman noticed that she was getting food poisoning every time she visited her mother-in-law
Image credits: kay4yk/Freepik (not the actual photo)
So she reached out to an advice column to determine the best way to address the issue
The concerned author was then given some sage advice
Image credits: sergio_pulp/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Later, the woman shared an update after testing to see if her food had been tampered with
Image credits: zavalishina/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: slate
The majority of married women admit that they’ve had issues with their mother-in-law
Image credits: shurkin_son/Freepik (not the actual photo)
We’re all well aware of the “evil mother-in-law” trope. We’ve seen it in movies, read about it in books and probably even heard some anecdotes from friends or family members about their own toxic in-laws. Unfortunately, the experience of having a strained relationship with a mother-in-law is an extremely common one.
According to a 2022 study, both married men and women report that they have more conflicts with their mother-in-law than with their own mom. And moms reported having more issues with their daughter-in-laws than with their own daughters.
At the same time, Terri Apter, a psychologist from Cambridge University, has found through her own research that a whopping 60% of married women say that their relationship with their mother-in-law has caused them “long-term unhappiness and stress.”
Apparently, two thirds of daughter-in-laws say that their partner’s mother has exhibited jealous, maternal love towards their son on more than one occasion. And while three quarters of couples admit that they’ve had issues with an in-law, only 15% of relationships between mother-in-laws and son-in-laws are considered tense.
But as frustrating as it may be to not be able to get along with your partner’s mother, researchers believe that these issues may be influenced by a genetic conflict that makes us subconsciously prioritize our own bloodlines at all times.
“This genetic conflict may cause affines (in-laws) to disagree about the distribution of resources and investment, just as we see mothers and fathers disagreeing in these domains,” authors of a study on this topic published in the Evolutionary Psychological Science journal explained. “Our results are consistent with the hypothesis that genetic conflict may underlie negative social interactions that occur in affinal (in-law) relationships.”
Dealing with a toxic mother-in-law requires patience and self-care
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
It’s also important to consider the fact that in-laws don’t actually choose to have relationships with one another, but are instead forced into their relationship due to their shared love for their partner or family member. So they might not have anything in common or any interest in being friends. And unfortunately, they sometimes make that extremely clear.
So what’s the best way to deal with a toxic mother-in-law? Choosing Therapy recommends first communicating honestly with your spouse about the issue. It’s important to address the topic delicately, as they might not be thrilled to hear you criticize their mother. But it’s crucial to have the support of your spouse.
One must have realistic expectations when dealing with a challenging mother-in-law, though. She’s likely not going to do a complete 180 and start treating you perfectly, so understand that any progress is a small win. In the meantime, prioritize your own self-care. Don’t let this relationship put a strain on your marriage or your own mental health.
And try not to take it personally if your in-laws aren’t fans of you. They probably wouldn’t treat anyone else any better, so don’t beat yourself up. Just set boundaries when necessary, and try to keep the relationship civil.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. What do you think of how this woman decided to get to the bottom of her mother-in-law’s behavior? Feel free to weigh in, and then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar family drama right here.
Readers were shocked by the husband and mother's behavior, and a few encouraged the author to press charges
Some even had similar stories of their own to share
