Giving presents is a way of showing someone you love and appreciate them, without needing them to reciprocate at all. The problem is that there are some folks who only give gifts so that they can get leverage over the other person.
This is what one woman’s mother-in-law kept doing by using costly presents as a way to force the couple to follow all of her demands. Unfortunately, she went too far by holding a promised gift hostage just so that she could be in the delivery room to see her grandkid being born.
More info: Reddit
When a person always has conditions put on the good deeds that they are doing, folks will start being wary of accepting help from them
Image credits: Magnific / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that her mother-in-law always tied her gifts to demands, like wanting them to put their washing machine in a certain room if she paid for their €16k kitchen
Image credits: shurkin_son / Magnific (not the actual photo)
One day, the man’s mom said that she’d buy the couple the €1,400 travel system they wanted as long as she could come to the hospital during her daughter-in-law’s delivery
Image credits: Magnific / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Since the couple felt that the woman’s condition was very impertinent, her son told her to forget buying the gift and be okay with meeting her grandkid after a year
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The poster’s mom felt that she and her husband had been unfair to use their newborn as leverage against his mother, even though they were just trying to teach her a lesson
The woman explained that her husband’s mom was quite a generous woman, but she only used her presents as a way to get leverage over other people. This pattern of behavior was quite evident when she offered to cover the €16,000 cost of the couple’s kitchen only if they installed their washing machine in the bathroom like she wanted.
According to researchers, some people use gifts as a way to gain control of the people in their lives. They believe that they can hold the items over the other person’s head and manipulate them into doing something they might not want to do, just because they have to “pay back” the kindness.
One such incident happened to the couple when the mother-in-law promised to cover the €7,000 they needed for a wardrobe as long as they only got it in white. Then, when they eventually picked a beige-colored piece, she got mad at them and refused to give them the money.
When a loved one uses presents to get leverage, professionals explain that it’s important to set boundaries with them as soon as possible. This can help protect the relationship and save people from getting their feelings hurt or from using gifts to manipulate family members.
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Even though the poster and her fiancé had tried to set boundaries with his mother about her gift-giving behavior, they were pleasantly surprised when she offered to pay for their €1,400 travel system. Unfortunately, she later set the condition that she would only cover the cost if they allowed her to come to the hospital when her grandkid was being born.
This shocked her son, who told her that she shouldn’t buy the item for them anyway, and that she should then make her peace with not seeing her grandchild for a year. This hurt the older woman, even though the man wasn’t deliberately trying to cause her pain, and just wanted to give her the same treatment she had given him and his partner.
When grandparents cross these kinds of lines, experts explain that it’s important for people to step in and protect their children from harm and distress. By setting appropriate boundaries, they can ensure that their little ones are protected from manipulation by the grown-ups.
The poster’s mom felt that her fiancé had gone too far by banning his mom from meeting his daughter. That’s why the couple later decided not to stop the older woman from being around her grandkid, but to just not accept any gifts from her so that she didn’t have any leverage anymore.
What do you think could be the best way to deal with a cunning parent like this who uses presents as a manipulative tool? We’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter.
Folks sided with the man and felt that he was completely right to have stood up to his mom when she took her transactional gift-giving too far
