Going no-contact with a loved one can be a supreme act of courage and often happens after an individual has faced a lot of horrible experiences due to them. The problem is that even if such a boundary has been set, the toxic person can still try to worm their way back in.
This is what a woman experienced after receiving a “reconciliation” letter from her mean mother-in-law 3 years after cutting her out of her life. This made the woman suspicious because she didn’t know whether her husband’s mom had turned over a new leaf.
More info: Reddit
It can be tough to set boundaries with overbearing in-laws, especially if they’re always using manipulation to try and get their way
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The poster explained that her partner’s mom had a 10+ year history of being toxic and that when she and grandmother-in-law moved in for 3 months, they were controlling and demanding
Image credits: marypoly / Magnific (not the actual photo)
After her in-laws moved out, the woman immediately cut contact with them, but 3 years later, she received a letter from her mother-in-law about wanting to be back in her life
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Even though the letter seemed nice on the surface, the poster felt that her husband’s mother hadn’t taken any accountability and was subtly putting the burden of reconnecting on her
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Since the man’s mother was planning to visit in June, he wanted her to come to their home for dinner, but the poster didn’t feel comfortable with that
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The woman eventually wrote back to her mother-in-law, emphasizing how she wanted to proceed carefully with the reconciliation and set boundaries around her June visit
The woman explained that she had been with her husband for the last 14 years, but during that entire time, her mother-in-law had made her life a living hell. The older woman was incredibly demanding, controlling, disrespectful, and kept gaslighting the couple to get her way. This toxic behavior had become much tougher for the woman to handle over the years.
In situations like this where people are treated so badly by their family members, mental health professionals explain that it might be time to set strict boundaries with them. This could involve having low contact with the individual, or cutting them off completely if they keep trying to get their way.
This is what the poster eventually did when her mother-in-law and husband’s grandma came to stay at her place. Even though they were only living there for 3 months, they made so many demands and greatly infringed on the family’s peace. They also refused to move out after a while and had to be forcibly removed, which pushed the poster to go no-contact.
It can definitely be difficult to cut a loved one off completely, and experts explain that the best way to be firm with this is to focus on your own wellbeing for a while. Rather than keeping track of the other person’s drama or emotions, it’s better to focus on yourself and try to heal the damage they might have caused.
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It had been 3 years since the woman had heard a peep out of her mother-in-law, which is why she was shocked when she received a handwritten reconciliation letter from her. The note explained that the older woman wanted to move on from the past and be part of the poster’s life again, if she also wanted that.
When people who’ve wronged you want to reconnect, it can be confusing to navigate, which is why professionals recommend avoiding this trap. In many cases, reconciling with someone who caused you pain might only end up reopening old wounds or causing more problems if they haven’t changed their ways.
This is why the poster was very suspicious of her mother-in-law’s letter: she realized the older woman hadn’t actually given her a clear apology. It seemed like she was just trying to put the burden of reconnecting on her daughter-in-law’s shoulders and not changing her behavior in any concrete ways.
This is why the poster wasn’t too happy when her husband shared that this mom was planning a visit in June. She didn’t want to invite the older woman to her home, so she wrote a letter back detailing her boundaries for the visit and explaining that she was cautious about reconciling.
Even though it might be nice to sometimes forgive folks who’ve wronged us, it’s important to also figure out if they’ve changed their ways. Do you think the poster should let her mother-in-law back in her life? We’d love to hear your perspective on this complicated situation.
People felt that the older woman’s reconciliation letter was disingenuous and that the poster’s husband should be standing up for her more
