Unfortunately, not everyone in your family is a beacon of goodness and sunshine. Some relatives are the embodiment of toxicity and micromanagement, and it is exhausting being around them. So much so that you start to wonder—should you cut them out of your life for good?
A woman went viral on the ‘Am I Overreacting’ online group after sharing how her mother-in-law turned incredibly nasty when she saw what she was wearing around her toddler at home when it’s hot. Scroll down to read just how far over the line the MIL went and how the internet reacted.
Some people are lucky enough to have kind, supportive, and non-judgmental in-laws. Unfortunately, that's not the case for everyone
Image credits: benzoix (not the actual photo)
This woman went viral after sharing the bizarre argument her mother-in-law started when she saw what she was wearing in her own home
Image credits: Drazen Zigic (not the actual photo)
Image credits: phe3bs
Open and honest communication forms the bedrock of any positive relationship
At the end of the day, it is possible to develop a healthy (or at least semi-functional) relationship with your in-laws, but it requires a lot of work. Furthermore, no matter how much time, energy, and effort you put in, there’s no guarantee that your relationship will be a positive one.
Every relationship is a two-way street, and there needs to be a baseline for reciprocity. Mutual respect, good communication, patience, trust, etc.—both sides need to put in the effort to make things work. If those things are missing from your in-laws despite your best attempts to connect with them, you can either reduce how much time you spend with them, cut them off (temporarily), or talk to a therapist to work out what’s going on.
But before you do any of that, you should most definitely have an honest heart-to-heart chat with your partner about how their parents’ behavior is affecting you. Ideally, this should help get both of you on the same page so that you can set some healthy boundaries and support one another.
“The first step is to discuss your concerns with your spouse. They might not realize the tension between you and their family, and they can assist in mediating the situation. In some cases, they might have a conversation with their family members or take steps to intervene in the conflict before it becomes worse. They may also be able to suggest ways of dealing with the problem or clear up misunderstandings that might be creating problems,” Verywell Mind suggests.
When it comes to boundaries, you need to consider a few things, including how much time you’re willing to spend with your in-laws, what expectations you have for holidays and family traditions, and what topics you’d rather not hear their comments (read: criticism) on.
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
If you have issues with someone, it is healthiest to speak to them directly instead of avoiding any and all confrontation
For example, your in-laws might have some choice ‘insights’ to share about your parenting, relationships, health, even how you dress. And that constant criticism and their attempts to micromanage you can eat away at your self-esteem. You need to explain to them how their behavior affects you, what you expect going forward, and what (reasonable) consequences will follow if they continue the way they have.
The key here is not to get overly judgmental, accusatory, or aggressive, even if you’re in the right. Your goal is not to ‘win’ the argument but to look for some compromises so that you have a relationship that doesn’t drain you.
“Let them know what you're comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with,” Verywell Mind explains, emphasizing that you should not be scared of sticking up for yourself and telling your in-laws “no.”
Brides magazine also stresses the importance of staying united with your spouse. You should communicate about how to handle various challenging situations with each other’s in-laws.
However, unlike Verywell Mind, Brides Magazine suggests that you don’t put your partner in the middle of the argument. Instead, communicate directly with your in-laws if they’ve overstepped your boundaries.
“Whenever possible, speak to your in-laws directly. Be honest and clear about what’s bothering you, but don’t make your spouse the intermediary. Over time, this can lead to resentment and put an unnecessary strain on your marriage.”
What’s your take, Pandas? Whose side are you on? How would you react if someone from your family or your in-laws started criticizing you for what you wore in your own home? What would you do if they started pressuring your spouse to divorce you over this?
What’s your own relationship with your in-laws like? How do you protect your boundaries from the people who are meant to have your back, and have you ever cut anyone out of your life? If you feel like sharing your thoughts and stories, you can join the discussion in the comments.
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
The woman answered some people's questions and shared more context in the comments of her post
The internet had a lot to say about the mother-in-law's behavior. Here are some people's perspectives
