Dr. Rita Eichenstein tells Bored Panda that there's not much actual research to back up 'middle child syndrome.' "While 'Middle Child Syndrome' suggests that middle children may feel overlooked or develop unique traits like diplomacy or independence, research is inconclusive, and the impact of birth order varies widely across families," she explains.
"Each family structure is different, and it depends on the temperament, learning style, and resilience of the child." However, she also points out that middle children tend to have some common traits. "Middle children might differ from their siblings in behavior and relationships, but these differences aren't universal. It's important for parents to acknowledge each child’s individuality, provide equal attention, and avoid comparisons."
So, what are these common traits? "The middle child tends to make their own comparisons, so it's important to let them know how special they are in their own way," Dr. Eichenstein says. "Ultimately, every family is different, and while middle children in larger families might sometimes feel lost, generalizations are difficult. Parents can support middle children by celebrating their unique strengths and ensuring they feel valued," she tells us.
Interestingly, Dr. Eichenstein says that during her years as a pediatric neuropsychologist, she's seen more cases of the 'younger sibling syndrome.' "Generalizations about middle children are less prominent than the 'younger sibling' syndrome, where the second sibling often feels inferior due to comparisons with the older sibling's competence."
"Middle children can sometimes feel lost between the eldest's dominant leadership and the youngest's knack for getting attention. It's crucial to ensure middle children feel noticed and valued," Dr. Eichenstein emphasizes. "Some middle children may prefer staying 'under the radar' and develop independence and self-reliance."
Experts say that birth order does play a part in the forming of our personalities. Kevin Leman, Ph.D., a distinguished psychologist who has studied birth order since 1967 and wrote The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are, says that parents treat children differently based on their birth order.
And then there are also sibling relationships. They also form our personalities, depending on whether we're the oldest, the middle, or the youngest child. And let's not forget those who are only children; they have their unique characteristics as well. Experts say they're mature for their age, diligent, perfectionist leaders. But that's in broad strokes, of course.
Middle-child syndrome isn't actually recognized as an official condition. So far, it's only a theory psychologists like Leman and Alfred Adler did research on. What's more, researchers have trouble applying the same common characteristics to all middle children. They claim there are many more factors that influence an individual's personality.
Still, there are some characteristics they claim many middle children might have. For example, middle children tend to be more independent from their families. "They're usually the first of their siblings to take a trip with another family or to want to sleep at a friend's house," Linda Dunlap, Ph.D., explains. When they're adults, they also might be the first of all the siblings to move out, and, possibly, the farthest away.
Middle children also thrive on friendships. They might have a wider social circle than their siblings. They rely on their parents, brothers, and sisters less because they believe their family members don't value them as much. However, for them, the quality of their friendships trumps quantity. Parenting author Monica Swanson writes: "Middle children are said to be careful who they open up to, often keeping their feelings to themselves."
The good news is that psychologists say middle children are good negotiators. They're often the peacekeepers in the family because they have to learn to "fit in" once the younger sibling(s) arrive. The other side of the coin is that they might be people-pleasers. Since they don't get the attention they want at home, they seek approval from other people, becoming diplomatic and adaptable.
