Some people spend their entire lives dreaming about starting a family. I had a friend in high school who already had a list of baby names saved on her phone and who would scroll through nursery inspiration on Pinterest in her free time. And being a parent can be a beautiful thing! Plus, if you’re going to bring kids into the world, you better be excited about it.
But having children definitely isn’t for everyone, and if it’s not for you, it’s important to figure that out. Middle-aged adults who never started families have recently been opening up on Reddit about what it’s like to be childfree, so we’ve gathered some of their most insightful responses below. Enjoy scrolling through, whether you love your kids more than anything else in the world or you always knew that being a parent wasn’t for you. And keep reading to find a conversation with Sweta Upadhyay of the Child-Free Blog!
#21
I'm happy. I love sleeping in late on Saturday mornings, not driving to tons of kids sporting events, never have to stand on the sidelines in the cold and rain, cheering on kids, driving to kids party after kids party every weekend.
I often hear parents main about preparing school lunches, which is not an issue.
Honestly, as a child I never ever dreamed of being a mother, I never played with dolls, ever. I never envisioned a time where I would have kids. I grew up in a very noisy house with way too many people crammed into a small space. My many siblings quickly had lots of kids as well, I've been surrounded by kids and spent a lot of my life looking after other people, cleaning, cooking and being a general dogs body. I just don't want to do that anymore.
I go on decent holidays, I'm free at the weekends. I love the peace and quiet. I am very happy in my own company and I have a very limited social battery. I don't believe I would have made a good parent. I do like kids but I feel I've sacrificed enough of my life looking after other people and I'm happy as I am. .
I often hear parents main about preparing school lunches, which is not an issue.
Honestly, as a child I never ever dreamed of being a mother, I never played with dolls, ever. I never envisioned a time where I would have kids. I grew up in a very noisy house with way too many people crammed into a small space. My many siblings quickly had lots of kids as well, I've been surrounded by kids and spent a lot of my life looking after other people, cleaning, cooking and being a general dogs body. I just don't want to do that anymore.
I go on decent holidays, I'm free at the weekends. I love the peace and quiet. I am very happy in my own company and I have a very limited social battery. I don't believe I would have made a good parent. I do like kids but I feel I've sacrificed enough of my life looking after other people and I'm happy as I am. .
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19points
"Family isn’t just about ‘baby steps’ or having children. It’s about the big leaps we take in life. Whether that’s with a partner, pets, plants, friends, or even in the quiet of our own solitude," Sweta says. "Being childfree isn’t just about not having kids; it’s about the freedom to choose the life that fulfills us. We celebrate that fulfillment doesn’t come in one-size-fits-all, and that’s perfectly alright."
#22
It’s weird bc all your child-having friends (which is most everyone) are completely consumed by their kids so you don’t relate as well with others.
But also it’s great bc I have extra money and I can spend it on whatever the f*** I please. Oh and I have extra time to do whatever I please.
But sometimes I want to do something with my best friend but she can’t bc of her kid so…
There’s positives and negatives.
But also it’s great bc I have extra money and I can spend it on whatever the f*** I please. Oh and I have extra time to do whatever I please.
But sometimes I want to do something with my best friend but she can’t bc of her kid so…
There’s positives and negatives.
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17points
#23
After numerous miscarriages, we were in our 40s, with no children. We would both do anything to have had children. If we had a kid now, I'd be 68 when they graduated from high school.
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17points
#24
Having seen my brother and his two small children today... absolutely fine and dandy thank you.
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17points
#25
On the one hand, I seriously envy my friends who have two lovely sons who are now in high school.
On the other hand, I’m glad that I’m not my sister and Brother-in-law who have two spawns of Satan who are 4 and 6.
Edit: who would have thought that my top comment ever would be calling my nephews "spawns of satan." They're absolutely a high energy handful, and frustrating to deal with right now, but they are good kids, and I love 'em to bits. I just moderate my time with them to save my sanity.
On the other hand, I’m glad that I’m not my sister and Brother-in-law who have two spawns of Satan who are 4 and 6.
Edit: who would have thought that my top comment ever would be calling my nephews "spawns of satan." They're absolutely a high energy handful, and frustrating to deal with right now, but they are good kids, and I love 'em to bits. I just moderate my time with them to save my sanity.
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15points
#26
Never really wanted kids or understood why people have them. But now in my late 40s I realized that children serve as a distraction from your own existential crises. As mortality and other fears slowly become more prominent, children and their youthful energy make life more interesting and worth living. If all you have around you is aging and decay, life gets very boring and depressing.
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15points
#27
Hard. I feel like I missed out on the best parts of adulthood… first steps, taking my kid to school, coaching little league, school plays, dinner table conversations, family vacations, helping them when they are hurt, Santa Claus, seeing them grow, arguments and apologies, grandchildren… it just never materialized for me. It’s like i wasn’t worthy of that gift… of even finding a wife to build a family.
Sucks hard many days. I can put on a brave face, but deep down it’s crushing.
M, 48, one sister, who also has no kids.
Sucks hard many days. I can put on a brave face, but deep down it’s crushing.
M, 48, one sister, who also has no kids.
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14points
#28
Pretty rough. I only started to feel better and come out of the sadness when I took full responsibility for choosing not to have children.
My first partner didn’t want kids until he was 40.
My first husband was abusive and irresponsible.
My boyfriends after that were non-commital.
My second husband is amazing but has kids, had the snip and felt he was too old to adopt or foster.
The reality is - I chose these partners.
I’ve got lovely adult step children and I’m an auntie and godmother. I’ve fostered rescue animals for 20 years.
It’s not the same… but you can’t always get what you want, as the song goes.
When I have feelings about it, I have to take it on the chin.
My first partner didn’t want kids until he was 40.
My first husband was abusive and irresponsible.
My boyfriends after that were non-commital.
My second husband is amazing but has kids, had the snip and felt he was too old to adopt or foster.
The reality is - I chose these partners.
I’ve got lovely adult step children and I’m an auntie and godmother. I’ve fostered rescue animals for 20 years.
It’s not the same… but you can’t always get what you want, as the song goes.
When I have feelings about it, I have to take it on the chin.
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13points
#30
Scary. I maybe have a couple of fertile years left but my partner doesn’t really want kids. I won’t know how I feel about it until it’s too late. I don’t feel ready yet I can’t imagine growing old with never having children. I wish I had more time.
11points
