#1
For a while it was money and security, as well as environmental concerns and overpopulation. But it was also simply a lack of real desire to be a parent.
I’ve often wished we could live multiple lives so that we can try all the things, but in this life I don’t really want children. That was hard for me to grapple with in some ways because I was blessed with great parents and my mother was a fantastically caring role model. But, my biggest reason for thinking about parenthood was fear of regret. That’s not enough.
Parents should really *want* their children. This is a whole other human being you’re bringing into this world. They deserve to be wanted and loved and properly cared for. You’re responsible for them, and it might not turn out roses. Parental anxiety doesn’t magically dissipate after 18 years, either. For the rest of your life, you are a parent.
There are also a lot of physical things that can go wrong with pregnancy, especially the pregnant person—which are not talked about enough. Our society holds a very rose-colored glasses view of pregnancy as glowing and natural. It really messes with people’s bodies, not to mention post-partum mental health.
A lot of folks will argue that not having children is selfish. This is puzzling, because those same folks will say in the next breath that having children ensures you won’t die lonely. If you *need* to be a parent because that feels like your destiny and you are full of love, that’s one thing, but if you’re having children to safeguard your own future… now THAT is selfish. Not to mention the resources impact on the planet, etc etc.
If you are unhappy, parenthood won’t fix it.
If you are lonely, parenthood won’t fix it.
If you’re following a life script in a daze, trying to check all the right boxes, take a moment to examine your reasons.
If you want to be a parent, that’s great. Best of love and luck.
It’s possible to live a comfortable life full of love, while doing what you want, while taking time to give back to your community, while staying open and curious and generally living a good life, without adding parenthood into the mix.
#2
#3
To learn more about what it's like to be childfree, we got in touch with Sweta Upadhyay of the Child-Free Blog. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss how she feels about her choice not to have kids.
"Choosing to be childfree has been one of the best decisions my husband and I have made. We get to spend so much time together—just us! Our trips are all about exploring the world as a duo, and mornings are a peaceful ritual of tea, meditation, and a little garden time," Sweta shared.
"No chaos, no screaming, just calm, and a lot of hugging and laughing! We both feel that our relationship is stronger because we’re childfree. We don’t have the stress that often comes with raising kids, and honestly, I think we’ve eliminated one of the biggest sources of fights many couples have," she continued. "We rarely argue, and when we do, it’s never anything major."
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"I was always sure that if I had a child, I’d likely regret it at some point," Sweta continued. "But not having one? That regret felt much less likely. Together, we’ve found fulfillment through our work with an NGO and caring for stray animals. The sense of purpose we gain from that is incredibly rewarding. So, for us, being childfree means living a life full of freedom and making each day about what brings us joy."
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#9
Not having kids is amazing for some and sad for others.
We were also curious about what Sweta considers the best parts of being childfree. "I get to focus completely on myself, my marriage, and the things I love! I’m constantly taking up new projects, learning new skills, and truly enjoying the time and energy I have," she shared.
"Every few months, I’m exploring something new, and it’s incredibly fulfilling. I also get to spend quality time with my loved ones and friends! My husband and I go on dates regularly and take a long, adventurous trip every six months. It’s like we’re in this never-ending honeymoon phase!"
#10
My wife turned out to be a narcissistic abuser so I divorced her.
1. No kids that would've suffered from her behavior
2. No kids that would've suffered through the divorce
I'm more than happy to be the silly, fun uncle to my brother's kids.
#11
The sweet, sweet freedom to do what I want (or not do) when I want!
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But are there any downsides to not having kids? "The only challenge is society! Some people assume that just because we don’t have kids, we must be 'free' all the time, somehow childish ourselves, or selfish," Sweta noted. "But that's not at all true. Just because we made a choice that’s different doesn’t mean it’s wrong. We’ve simply crafted a life that’s perfect for us, which is meaningful, and full of love and joy."
#13
Then I met my wife - who thinks the exact same way.
We both love traveling, backpacking, camping, etc. It’s freeing knowing we can get up in a split second and go.
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Next, Sweta shared some wise words for any childfree adults who are feeling pressured to start a family. "Stay true to yourself! Make choices that feel right to you, not ones that fit into someone else’s expectations. This is your life, and it’s just as important to value your own happiness and freedom."
"It’s important to set clear, healthy boundaries with those who don’t respect your decision. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, and your life choices are valid," she continued. "If people can’t see the validity in your choice to be childfree, that’s on them, not you. It’s not your responsibility to change their minds. Stand firm in your decision. Remind yourself that you don’t need to justify your path to anyone unwilling to respect it."
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#17
I get to sleep in, I get to love my cats and be the weird aunt to my niblings instead. It is what it is and I am at peace with it.
#18
Hoping to adopt but it’s an incredibly lonely and vulnerable experience, especially if you aren’t willing to go through a religious agency.
"Ultimately, the people who care about you will support you for who you are, not for the life choices they wish you’d make," Sweta added. "For those who can’t support you… It’s perfectly fine to distance yourself and protect your peace. You’re building a life that’s right for you, and that’s what matters the most!"
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