Six years ago, I was 3 days into a study abroad program in England, and I laid eyes on an incredibly beautiful stranger at a party. I was terrified to look him in the eye, let alone strike up a conversation, but after a few hours of nervously wondering if I looked okay, he sat down next to me and said hello. Fast forward to today, and we're happily living in his home country with our little family of 7 plants and a cat. What is it about meeting someone from another country that’s so romantic?
Well, apparently, people often feel smitten about foreign lovers, even if they’ve only met online. One Reddit user invited people to share their experiences of meeting a partner online and moving abroad to be with them, so below, you’ll find some of their most fascinating stories. Unfortunately, they don’t all have happy endings, but enjoy scrolling through and keep reading to find a conversation with expat psychologist Gabriela Encina!
#1
I met my husband online in April 2000. I lived in mid-Michigan, he lived in Ottawa, Ontario. So long distance and international. I traveled a lot from October 2000 to May 2001 - which I then made good use of the 6 month visitor records. We were engaged November 2001 and married April 2002. I received my permanent residency for Canada in May 2004, my citizenship in Feb. 2008.
He is my best friend and my soul mate. We have a unique relationship in some ways - we both work from home and are around each other 24/7 (with the exception of a few times a year when I visit my family). I can count the number of disagreements we've had in the past 12 years on one hand, we work very hard on maintaining our friendship and our romantic relationship. We have a 6 year old son now as well, so we get to do all that while being parents too.
We were "online friends" for only a few months before we met. We had realized that we liked each other etc but international long distance was not for us. I had some home drama and needed to get away for a weekend, so I said fuckit! and started driving. We knew from our first hello in person that we were going to do everything we could to make it work. So far so good :)
235points
#2
I recently became online pen pals with a Nigerian prince. He has said he will marry me and put 1/32 of the royal treasury into my bank account so we'll be able to live in style. It all sound so romantic!<3
227points
#3
My mom was born in Germany, married an American solider, and moved to the states in 1992 after having my brother and me. We moved to Washington, then to Texas, then to Arkansas where we settled down for a few years. In 1999 my parents' marriage was ultimately destroyed, mostly by my dad. By this time online chat rooms were becoming really popular, so my mom would go on a few times a week and make "internet friends." After a few months, she began messaging a man with the username "DillyBar62" who lived in Manitoba, Canada. They chatted for almost a year before meeting, and when they did, well... I guess it really was love at first sight. Fast forward another year and they're married. Fast forward ANOTHER year and we're moving to Canada from Arkansas!
I'm no longer in Canada (though most days I wish I was), but my mom and step-dad are still together! They own a business together, my mom is no longer suffering culture-shock from the backwoods of Arkansas, and my brothers and I got a nifty father figure out of the whole deal. After seeing the way my dad treated my mom the rare occasions he was home, it was such a breath of relief when I saw how happy my mom was with this new man. He's always been there for her and to this day he still treats her like a princess.
Before he met us, we were in poverty. My mom had to donate blood just to put ramen noodles on the table some nights. It was heartbreaking for her, but then this knight in shining armor (sorry for the cheesiness, but I can't place a better word) came along and gave us a better life. I'll never be able to thank him enough.
Edit: To whomever bought my Reddit Gold, THANK YOU. You have made my week and I hope you can send me a private message so I can at least send you a Christmas card. :)
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185points
To learn more about the experience of moving abroad for love, we reached out to licensed psychologist Gabriela Encina, also known as The Confident Expat. Gabriela was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss whether or not it’s wise to make a huge move for a partner.
“Deciding to relocate to another country for love is a personal one. I've encountered many clients who faced skepticism from their friends and family about such a move,” Gabriela shared.
“Despite the warnings, they followed their hearts, and the outcomes varied. Some found happiness and fulfillment, while others returned home. However, what's striking is that very few regretted their decision, regardless of how things turned out romantically,” the expert explained. “Cross-cultural relationships can thrive, and I've seen hundreds of them succeed. Yet they demand extra effort in communication and a willingness to take ownership of the decision to move abroad.”
#4
I met my boyfriend online in 2004 when I was 17, and he was 19. I lived in Denmark, and he lived in Turkey. 6 months after meeting each other online, we were so into each other, that we just HAD to meet. I convinced my mom to go with me to Turkey on holiday, and he and I finally met - and immediatly hit it off!
For the next 5 long years we kept a long-distance relationship, where I would go and stay with him for a couple of months, and then return to Denmark to work another couple of months. He was taking his bachelors, and had to finish it, but he visited me twice in Denmark. It was extremely difficult to get a visa for him.
We have now been living together in Sweden (because of stricht immigration-laws in Denmark) for 3 years, and we'll soon celebrate our 9th anniversary. We are so happy that we don't have to say goodbye anymore :)
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145points
#5
Met a girl online. i was from cali, her from ontario canada. a few trips back and forth for me(it was always me) and finally i got perm residency in 2007. found out she was cheating on me in 2008 and ended that.
Now im still here in canada, but i have an amazing fiance and perfect son that i wouldnt trade the world for. So it didnt work out, but then it worked out even better. one door closing leads to another open one, etc...
111points
#6
I met my wife in 2000 while playing Phantasy Star Online on the Dreamcast, (I’m from Venezuela, South America and she’s from Indiana, we were just online friends back then but then I came to USA on a vacation and she met me to hang out and well the feelings were mutual. I was 18 at the time and I was just starting college, we agreed on a long distance relationship until I graduated and then I would come to live with her. I graduated in 2005 came to the states, now I’m 30 years old with two young kids and very happy with her. It was a hard journey both our families were skeptical that this would ever work, friends that discouraged us, we almost broke up once but we endured and we completed our dream to be together. Looking back it’s been amazing all the things we went through even how we moved from text only messaging to voice chat to video chat. How we would spend holidays just talking over the phone promising to one day be able to hug during a holiday. I’m going to get teary eyes now thanks from the memories you made me recall :)
102points
But this isn’t a decision that should be taken lightly. Before taking the leap to move to your partner’s country, Gabriela says it's crucial to weigh various factors. “Firstly, while love may be a driving force, it shouldn't be the sole reason for relocation. It's essential to consider other opportunities the move might offer, such as career advancement, cultural exploration, and language learning,” she noted.
“Secondly, building your social network in the new country is vital for long-term stability and personal growth. It is common to inherit your partner's relationships (family, friends, etc.) and that's helpful for the beginning, but after a while, you need your network to create and foster a life aside from the relationship,” Gabriela added. “Lastly, don't neglect your career path; set clear goals and take steps to maintain financial independence in your new environment.”
#7
We 'met' back in 2004. She used to read and comment on my blog, which led to me reading and commenting on hers. We then graduated to emails, IM, long, frequent phone conversations, and finally deciding it was time to meet. The only problem? I was in London, England, she was in Orange County, California.
In November of 2004, I flew out to meet her in person for the first time. I'd never even been to the States before. It was amazing. She was amazing. We had such an awesome week together that we both cried when it was time for me to go home, not knowing when we'd see each other again. In January, she flew out to England. I proposed, she accepted.
In April, we drove from LA to Vegas (and I checked 'Fear And Loathing road trip' off my bucket list), where we were married. The next year was a tough one. I had to stay in England while I went through the visa application process. We saw each other several times, but not being able to be with my new wife or start my new life drove me crazy.
Dealing with the USCIS was a nightmare, and the trail of paperwork and interviews felt as though it was never going to end. I stuck it out, though. We stuck it out. In February of 2006, I got my visa. Walking out of the American Embassy that day, I remember looking around at the city I'd grown up in, the city I was about to leave behind for good. I loved my wife so damn much, and I couldn't wait for my American adventure to begin.
It was a new life. I was in awe of the woman I'd married and in awe of the country I'd moved to. Sometimes I'd stop what I was doing and just think about where I was and who I was with and I'd feel like the luckiest m**********r alive. Domestica set in.
We both did well at our jobs, moving onward and upward and improving our home situation. In 2008, we bought a house. In 2010, we renewed our wedding vows on Maui with her family (who hadn't been able to be there for the original quickie ceremony) present. My wife was beautiful that day. She'd always wanted to be a proper bride, and she deserved to be. It was like being back in Vegas again, that same feeling that I'd rolled the dice with no idea what I was doing and somehow won it all.
In December of that same year, she discovered she was pregnant, and on the last day of August, 2011, gave birth to a baby boy. I cut the cord. When they moved him to the incubator to weigh and measure him, I stood beside it and marveled at this tiny creature we had created. I reached for his hand and he grabbed my little finger. I was overwhelmed. My wife's mother took a picture of that moment, and I can't even look it at without tearing up.
2012 was the year things started to go wrong. The house had been a bad idea, and affording it was beginning to stress us both out. My career took a downturn when I took a job that turned out to be a whole lot different than I'd been promised, and ended up doing something I hated for less money than I needed. After six months of this, we decided that I should quit and be a stay-at-home dad to save money on childcare costs. In addition to that, I took a bartending job in the evenings so that I was contributing.
But the money was an issue. Not long after this arrangement began, my wife confessed to me that after I'd left the terrible job, she'd started saving money in a second account, in case I didn't find anything else. She'd given herself the option of taking our son and leaving me if things got too bad. I was stunned. It was the sheer *practicality* of it. My mind flashed back to who we were when we met, when we were in Vegas, when we were finally able to live together. I started to realize that the girl I'd married had grown and changed in ways I'd been blind to. Still, we hung on.
We managed to sell the house and escape Orange County in July of this year, moving to Oregon, just a little south of Portland. She was able to transfer and I found a half-decent job. Our little boy, no longer an infant, was developing quite the personality.
Then I came home one night and she said she wanted to talk to me, that we should spend some time apart. I understood the reasons. The last few years, with the house and baby and job situations, had been emotionally draining. We'd grown apart and started having petty arguments that were never there before. We both thought some time apart would help. I agreed to move out.
Having written all this, I'm half-tempted to end with a 'tree fiddy', but f**k it, here's the truth. I suspected she was being unfaithful. We were living apart on a trial basis and we still saw plenty of each other because of our son. We even went on dates. But I noticed an obvious change in her behavior and the way she suddenly started taking more care over her appearance and going out with friends from work. The night my marriage ended, she asked if I could come over and watch our son for a few hours while she went to see a movie. I agreed.
The little guy and I hung out for a while, and then I took him upstairs and rocked him to sleep. I sing him these bluesy, lullaby versions of Johnny Cash songs and he does this sleepy grin that just about stops my heart. That night, it was Folsom Prison Blues.
My wife came home a little while later, complaining that she felt sick and just wanted to go to bed. I left. But I didn't go home. I drove to the adjacent street and I sat in my car and I waited. Sure enough, a car I'd never seen before drove in to the cul-de-sac where we lived and parked.
I pulled my hood up over my head and crept up to the end of my street in time to see a man I didn't know going into my house. I don't have the words to describe the next hour of my life. My first instinct was murderous. I had a key. Walk in there, drag that m**********r out into the street, and beat the mortal s**t out of him. My wife, in my house, while my son slept in the room next door.
My son.
That stopped me dead in my tracks. His sleepy grin. Folsom Prison Blues. I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring the violence that was in my heart to a place where he was innocently sleeping. Being a dad means a lot of things, and one of them is protecting your kid, always. I did laps of the block, clenching and unclenching my fists, muttering to myself like a crazy person.
Finally, I talked myself down and I went home, where I sat and stared at nothing at all until the next morning, when I called her and said I wanted a divorce. We're building something else now. We're parents. Not quite friends, but we're civil.
I'm renting a s****y room in suburbia, but I'm going to get my own place in Portland once the divorce is final. I like the city a lot, and I think I'd stay even if being a dad wasn't keeping me here. And my boy...you should see him. All he has to do is smile, and it was all worth it. Every minute. Hope that answers your question.
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85points
#8
He came from england to the us. We had been friends online for years. We both lost everything. he wasnt sure if he would start over in Australia or America. He chose america. I am so happy that he did. We have been married for a year and a half now.
84points
#9
I met my wife while traveling through the US from South Africa. I went home the day after meetung her. We kept up the long distance thung for 6 months. I then packed up and moved to the States.
17 years and 3 kids later, we're still happily married.
83points
Once the partners are living in the same place, Gabriela says that maintaining a healthy relationship requires effort and understanding from both sides. “For the one who relocates, it's important to remember that the decision was voluntary, and blaming the partner for any hardships, although a common and understandable reaction, can strain the relationship,” the Confident Expat says.
“On the receiving end, patience and support are key. Acknowledge the sacrifices your partner has made, be aware of their needs, include them in your life as much as you can, let them have room to grieve and adapt, and provide them with the emotional anchor they need to adjust to their new life,” Gabriela continued.
#10
I moved from the US to the UK to be with my boyfriend of 2 years, online friend of 8. We flew back and forth to see each other for a while until I got into a university here and moved. Everything was great in the relationship until we moved in together, at least as great as a long distance relationship could be. When we finally got what we'd been waiting for all that time, the relationship fell apart slowly over the year. By the end of my first year here there wasn't enough left of it for me to be able to continue. I didn't move back home, I love it here and this is home now, but I wish things would have worked out better between us.
72points
#11
My cousin moved to India (she's from the U.S to be with a guy she met over the internet) They're now happily married with two kids.
64points
#12
Met my wife in 1996, I was 16-17 at the time and we hit it off pretty well, this was way before any dating sites, and well before the net and computers became "affordable" and let all the weirdos on. She was 14-15, I was the first person she had ever talked to, we met on this chat service called Powwow.
She didn't actually have a computer, she was at a friends house and playing around online, so we swapped numbers and promised to call each other later.
It was in the middle of the night for me as I lived in Germany at the time, so I called her the next morning and we talked on the phone pretty much every night, much to the expense of the phone bill...
It wasn't until 2 years later in 1998 that we actually met in person for the first time, and I had actually never even seen a picture of her until then. I visited with her for almost 2 months during summer break.
about 6 months later I moved here for good. I am American so there were no problems getting the right papers. I rented an apartment and a few months later she moved in after graduating high school.
We've been living together ever since, have been married 7 years and have a 6 year old son to keep us busy, she's on her way to finishing up her Doctorate studies and I'm self employed in the IT field.
And that's our story.
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61points
The expert also shared some advice for anyone who might be contemplating moving abroad for love. “Embrace the opportunity but do so cautiously. While it's natural to have doubts and fears, don't let them hold you back from exploring what could be a life-changing experience,” Gabriela says. “However, it's wise to maintain connections and resources in your home country as a safety net. Take gradual steps towards relocation, allowing yourself the flexibility to reassess if needed.”
#13
I ended up in Nigeria. It sucks here. I hate it and I hate my wife. We have a cool flag though.
59points
#14
Not my story, but my aunt. Back in the days of AOL, she met a guy online who lived in VERY rural Arkansas, who was still married (as was she). She ended up leaving her husband, moving from California (only place she had ever lived), to this teeny Tennessee town to live with him and his wife.
She moved back a month later. Guess it didn't go that well.
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55points
#15
Not another country, but I met my husband in an AOL chat room many years ago. I lived in California, he lived in Wisconsin. I went into his chat room with the intention of trolling and ended up falling in love. He came out to California for a year so that my family could see that he wasn't a 40 year old crazy internet mu**erer who just wanted to eat my face. Then we moved back to Wisconsin. 9 years later we're still together.
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54points
Finally, Gabriela says to surround yourself with positivity and support as you embark on this journey. “Believe in your dreams and prioritize your well-being throughout the process. Remember, this decision should ultimately be about what you want and what will make you happy, rather than solely for the sake of your partner,” she told Bored Panda. “Trust yourself and your instincts as you navigate the complexities of love and relocation.”
If you’d like to hear more wise words from Gabriela about this topic or anything else expat related, be sure to visit her site!
#16
I met my now wife 12 years ago.
At the dawn of Internet becoming more accessible, I was in college (I'm 29 now) and looking around at random c**p.
Came across a NIN fan page. On it was a "fan art" section. I really liked one particular sketch and I noticed an email address underneath. Feeling like exploring Internet potential I sent the artist a mail saying something along the lines of "nice picture" ...probably more expansive but I forget.
Anyway she replied. I later found out she wasn't going to until she noticed the co.uk at the end of my email.
Thus began an online pen pal situation. We would send mail both e and snail to each other for a few a while until I got kicked out of college (story another time)
Silly me..I hadn't once written down her email address. I'd been pressing reply and when I left college I also left access to my college email. I had her home address but I guess we just drifted. Girlfriends/boyfriends and such.
My mum kept asking me "what happened to that nice American girl?" She had called once and mum liked her.
I used to make hip-hop music and the go-to for artist pages then was 'MySpace' - when that was a thing.
A few years pass and I get an PM on there asking if I used to talk to an American girl a lot.
Why yes, yes I did.
We spoke constantly...IM'ing and even buying "Tesco Internet phones" ...I would stay up till 6am every night due to time difference. Just to talk. (I worked late).
In 2007 I bit the bullet and booked a holiday in St. Louis, mo. To meet this girl. Things went great and she came over to see me at the end of that year, my mum paid for her again at the start of 2008. On Nov 9th 2008 I had myself a 6 month tourist visa. A bit of cash. And I decided to go for it.
On the advice of our attorney we got married as soon as possible (90 days) and petitioned a green card. A few months and $4000 we had one.
I've been here for 4 years now.
We have a house, a dog and are hoping to have a baby soon.
Sure we argue from time to time but all in all things are good.
My advice: go for it.
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45points
#17
Went great. Met online, started talking, talked a LOT more for 3/4 months. I was moving from one state to another. She said, move to me, not back home. I said no, she persisted. I took the chance. Had some words with her family (not their fault, her ex was a douche-nozzle and they didn't want anything to happen to her, etc). I moved in with her, trusted her with my world, we visited where I am from, she fell in love with the area, said she would rather live here. I spent nearly a year trying to find a job. Found a job, things-looking-up, got the job, an apartment, she stayed at her place for 3/4 weeks, packed, left her job, etc. Drove all of our stuff out here with her dad and her friend. Dad and I had a good talk, he felt good about it, I felt great about it. She found a job 6/7/8 months later.
Almost 4 years after we first met online and 3 years and a couple months after I moved in with her we are now married for a year and a half, have an 8 month old baby boy, and just bought a house a couple months ago.
I now have the entire world on my shoulders and I kinda love it, and I am kinda terrified. Welcome to husband/fatherhood I guess?
Love the two of them with all my heart, wouldn't trade it for the world. Crazy a*s drinking story too.
We are now married, bought a house and have a baby boy.
I would have told you you were crazy if you predicted this 5 years ago.
Want more details, ask. Nothing overly personal though obviously :)
BIG EDIT: Just realized OP said different country, I moved across states within the US, very sorry.
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44points
#18
Short answer: It didn't go that great. I met my husband online 13 years ago. I was in the US and he was in London. He flew over to visit a few times before we were married, however, our marriage itself was a bit rushed due to the timelines available in the fiance visa. A few days after our marriage, I came across a ton of gay p**n. That was surprising, to say the least. We're still together, but I have a lot of insecurities (like, if he's into men, do I remind him of a man?) and we have virtually no sex life. Another surprise was his hygiene. When he visited me previously, we spent a lot of time together and we'd take showers together and brush our teeth together, things like that. It didn't occur to me that without my own promptings, he wouldn't shower often. So, all in all. Gay husband who doesn't shower often. I still love him, and he loves me, but.. things aren't so great :(
41points
#19
I met my husband online in 2005. We were both in an online game making fun of some kid that was trying too hard to look like a bad-a*s. Anyway I found out he was living in Spain and I got all excited because I had been wanting to learn spanish, having just broken up with a Mexican BF who I planned on visiting. So he said he would let me practice spanish with him. I thought, "Cool! Its like having a spanish Pen Pal!" So we chatted and exchanged messages and stuff for a couple months. Then one day I had bought an international phone card to call my exbf (we actually had a really amicable breakup, we were and still are friends. We just broke up because he moved. We had no intention of staying together long term, we had a fun and satisfying relationship and moved on), but he was too busy to answer the phone that day, so I asked my Spanish friend if I could call him. I thought it would be fun! So we get on the phone, and he has TERRIBLE speaking english. Online he could fake it okay, but to talk it out it wasn`t the greatest. So it was a slow and awkward conversation, but still quite enjoyable. We started calling each other regularly after that.
So around christmas time, I was supposed to be going to Mexico to visit this exbf, but I got some bad news. He told me as he was just finishing exams at that time he would be too busy to meet up with me :( I had saved all this money and taken some vacation time. I was so excited to go SOMEwhere. Then one night I had a dream I met my Spanish friend in London, England! I thought that was awesome, and it felt sooooooo real! I told him about it and he was like, `LETS DO IT!`
So I booked a flight and we stayed together in London over christmas and new years, for THREE weeks! It was like love at first sight! After the first day, (and night ;) ) we were inseparable and have been pretty much ever since. There were so many moments in those three weeks together that told me this was the man I was going to marry. It was just something I KNEW
.
After the three weeks were over, I went back to Canada, and he went back to Spain where he worked his a*s off in low paying, hard working jobs for 8 months before he moved here to be with me. We have the best relationship I could ever hope for.
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After the three weeks were over, I went back to Canada, and he went back to Spain where he worked his a*s off in low paying, hard working jobs for 8 months before he moved here to be with me. We have the best relationship I could ever hope for.
We have been together I think 7 years now.. we got married in Cuba in January, and are expecting our first baby boy any day now (like, literally could come today... but im crossing my legs for tomorrow haha)
It is honestly the best and healthiest relationship I have ever been in. I used to get teased a lot because I had a sort of string of international boyfriends and hook ups, but I just say if your looking for quality, you gotta Import ;)
It is honestly the best and healthiest relationship I have ever been in. I used to get teased a lot because I had a sort of string of international boyfriends and hook ups, but I just say if your looking for quality, you gotta Import ;)
Also, he never did practice spanish with me `:( He always thinks my accent is "cute" or "funny" so he never gets done laughing long enough to actually help me. Spanish lessons at the university have been much more helpful haha.
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37points
#20
I moved from europe to canada to be with my girl. We'd been doing the long distance thing for two years. We got married here and spent two good years together here. We're divorced now. I stayed in the city. I'd made a good group of friends, got a decent job, and love the city. Don't plan on leaving. I don't blame the failure of the marriage on the "internet" aspect, but it is a definite factor. When you meet online there is a lot more mystery, excitement, and longing that is not there with a person you meet in real life. It all builds up til you get to spend a few days together, and those days are perfect because you're totally disconnected from reality. You have time off work, you're not dealing with anything. You're in a love cocoon. You go home, and you miss each other so terribly, you feel like this is really it, this is nothing like you've felt before. You've found love and you live for those times you can be together. You want to be together. You want to get married and live in the same country. You move and you're finally together and it's magical. For a while. Then reality sets in. You don't get to spend all of your time together being in that love cocoon anymore. You have to go to work, sit in traffic, deal with s****y neighbors, and all the other unpleasantries of real life. You start to vent to each other, you get in your first fight, you start to see each others flaws. You come to realize that maybe this isn't the magical love story you saw in the movies. This is just a regular relationship. You just spent a year or two in fantasy land where everything is perfect, and now this reality-relationship seems dull. You feel cheated. Had you met your partner in your hometown, you would have found each others flaws after three months of dating, not two years and marriage. In short... IT'S A TARP. I don't regret anything, honestly. But I do see people going through the exact same motions I went through, and it just stings a bit because you know what's most likely going to happen to them.
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31points