Unfortunately, not every parent can provide this. Recently, the members of the r/AskReddit online community opened up about some very sensitive things from their past. They shared the moments from their childhoods that they didn’t realize were extremely messed up until much later, when they grew up. Scroll down to see what challenges they faced when they were kids.
Bored Panda got in touch with the person who sparked the viral discussion, u/NeitherEntrepreneur3, to talk about parenting red and green flags, as well as healing from trauma. You'll find our full interview with them below.
Warning: some of these posts can be very uncomfortable to read for anyone who had a troubled upbringing or a traumatic past.
#1
I called a childhelp line once and they told me “moms dont r*pe their daughters”. I was 12. We had just gone over a lesson in school about abuse. I trashed my room and she beat the hell out of me, I dont remember what happened after.
I told some friends of mine after I got into college. I call them my big brothers. One encouraged me to press charges but only if I wanted to. Theres a case file out there but its not like active or whatever cause I chickened out.
F**k that was a lot harder than i thought.
We asked the author of the thread for their thoughts about some of the red flags that someone is probably not ready to be a parent yet. From their perspective, one sign is that the grownup believes that their wants come before their child's needs.
"When you bring a child into the world and you decide to raise it, it’s your responsibility to provide for that child. The same goes for adopted children, you made a decision to raise that kid, so making sure they have what they need is the top priority. Also, if you are in an unstable relationship before your child is born, chances are it won’t improve because you had a child," u/NeitherEntrepreneur3 shared their thoughts with Bored Panda.
The author of the thread pointed out that they don't believe that it's ever possible to be fully ready to be a parent. That being said, "You can at least look at your circumstances objectively and think about how your priorities in life will drastically change with a child in the mix."
#2
EDIT: my top comment ever is about being a 4th grade B&E man!
#3
On the flip side, for u/NeitherEntrepreneur3, some of the biggest parenting green flags include a sense of personal responsibility, honesty, and good communication. Being involved in their lives is a must! "Go to their games, school open houses, plays, recitals. If you can’t be there, communicate to your children why. If you have limited resources financially, consider your child’s needs, as in absolutely need this, before you consider your own wants and desires," they said.
"Tell your kids you are proud of them, build them up instead of tearing them down. Do this from a young age. I say this all from personal experience. Finally, be honest with your children. From a young age all the way to adulthood, kids are smarter than you might think. They can figure out if you’re lying because they likely know you better than you know yourself. If you lie to them, and they find out, they’ll keep that in their minds and it can create distrust in your relationship."
#4
#5
My father never had an actual conversation with me until I was about to graduate from college. Yes, he would get on me about stuff. Yes, he would tell me what to do. But have an actual conversation? Nope.
When I was in the high school play, on stage delivering lines, they got up and left to meet friends for dinner.
I have three happy, well-adjusted children in their twenties. They all have jobs, places to live, and health care. Just as importantly, they like coming by and hanging out with the folks. Part of it is because their mother is an amazing woman. But part of it is because, in any given situation while raising them, I'd ask myself, "What would my parents do here?" And then I'd do the opposite.
#6
We asked u/NeitherEntrepreneur3 what advice they'd give someone who has suffered a traumatic childhood, to help them heal, recover, and move on. They were kind enough to share their thoughts on this. "Things that happened to you in childhood might leave both physical and mental wounds. Wounds can heal, but sometimes they leave scars. You are not the same person as you were before you got scarred. And just like physically, some mental wounds never fully heal," they said.
"You may suffer from these issues for the rest of your life. There may not be such a thing as 'closure' or resolution. Some things just go on. But you have to realize that you survived something traumatic and have to celebrate the battles you win when you can. It’s a harsh truth to realize, but some things will never get easier over time. You simply have to accept it, live with it, and endure."
#7
#8
Worst part is that I was called a disappointment when I got furious at them for what they did.
#9
My dad beating my a*s when I was in grade 2 or 3 (i said 4 originally but that was a different a*s whooping also with a hockey stick). Made me kneel on tile for hrs and beat me with an aluminum hockey stick for close to 2hrs (i only know the time interval because of my friends). I screamed so loud, my friends all sat outside the side of my house crying.
After my dad went to bed, he told me to not move so I stayed kneeling on the hard tile floors all night crying. No sleep that night.
The next day, both my legs from my hips to my ankles were completely black and blue. I couldn't walk for several days after.
It was just normal for me and I didn't realize the extent of all the a*s whoopings until I was a teenager.
I tell my wife some of them and she cries every time lol I only laugh because man, to be raised where child abuse wasn't normal is literally unbelievable.
Children naturally look to the authority figures in their lives to get a sense of what’s right or wrong. However, someone who grows up in a dysfunctional household might not fully be aligned with societal and cultural values. In other words, what they think is completely ‘normal’ at home would shock others if they ever found out.
Both over-involvement and under-involvement can have very negative consequences. Helicopter parents who never let their kids off their (metaphorical) leash can hurt their confidence and independence in the future. On the other hand, absent parents can make their munchkins feel isolated, unsupported, and as though they are worth less than others.
#10
I’m 43 now and I’m healing my traumas one by one. I processed this event in trauma therapy (emdr) late last year. The entire week after felt like I got hit by a bus. My body finally released the trauma of that event. I’m living my best life now. Without her.
#11
#12
Edit: Thanks for the support guys. If anyone is struggling with alcohol or questioning its role in your life, take a look at the subreddit "stopdrinking" (on mobile and forgot how to link it). If you have any questions or need someone to talk to about it, or anything really, my DMs are always open. Alcohol doesn't have to run your life.
Healthline warns that parents who provide no discipline at home leave their kids to fend for themselves. This, in turn, eventually creates adults who don’t understand boundaries.
On the flip side, parents who are overly enthusiastic about discipline at home can make their children feel fearful or rebellious.
Something that no parent should ever do is withdraw their affection or attention. It’s harmful for kids if they believe that their parents’ love is conditional.
#13
#14
#15
I always thought it was weird, but I never gave it more than two thoughts. One day, my much older brother casually said “don’t you remember when Mom was a prostitute?”
Yeah, that was a little bit of a shock. Almost up there with her wanting me to take a nude photo of her with my birthday present, the newly released Polaroid One Step camera.
I guess you could say there were signs.
Parenting is a huge responsibility. The adults in kids’ lives set the example for what is and isn’t acceptable. If done wrong, your kids can grow up anxious, depressed, aggressive, struggling at school and work, facing problems connecting with others, and dealing with serious self-esteem issues.
That’s why authoritative parenting is so powerful. Parents who communicate clearly, take their kids’ feelings into account, are emotionally available, and provide clear consequences for misbehavior are doing things right.
When your children have a good balance of support and structure in their lives, they grow up to be confident, independent adults who excel in their studies, build strong relationships, and are healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally.
#16
#17
#18
The author of the thread revealed to us that they never expected their question to leave such a huge impact online. They were very surprised by how quickly it got popular.
"I watch a lot of AskReddit videos on YouTube, and most of them lean towards horror or weird things people have seen. It got me thinking about if I’d ever witnessed anything creepy or messed up, and I realized that some of my childhood memories are a bit 'traumatic' as some people have told me! This example was just one of those things that I had completely forgotten about until watching those videos on YouTube," u/NeitherEntrepreneur3 explained how they got the inspiration to create the thread in the first place.
#19
Anyway, my dad leaves the table for about 5 minutes, comes back and whispers to me “hey [name], I just saw a little boy sitting outside the kitchen missing his fingers. They were all bloody. I asked him what happened, and he said the chef cut’s off little boy’s fingers if they don’t eat their chicken fingers.” He then said that the chef told him that they turn little boy’s fingers into chicken fingers.
I was absolutely terrified. I didn’t want to have my fingers cut off. We left the restaurant, and I wouldn’t let go of my last chicken finger. I held onto that damn thing during the nightly fireworks over the castle, it was all I could think about. I refused to let my mom take the chicken finger out of my hand, I thought if I threw it away that the chef was gonna come cut off my fingers in the night.
Finally I had to go to the bathroom that night and my mom threw away the chicken tender. I completely forgot about that until last week and it just hit me with that feeling of “wtf.”
P.S., my brother and I haven’t had a relationship with our dad for several years (not because of the chicken tenders lol) but because he wasn’t really that great of a dad and has a 2nd family. Is it any wonder I’ve had chronic anxiety since I was around 5?
#20
