30 Men Who Have Cheated On Partners Get Brutally Honest In Discussing Why They Did It

To learn more about how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Aggravating-Angel217, who posed the question, "Men that have cheated, why did you do it?" Lucky for us, the OP was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and explain what inspired her to spark this discussion. "Personally, I’ve never cheated, but I’ve been cheated on in every relationship," she shared.

"I feel as though people that get cheated on never truly have an answer as to why it happened: was it something we did, were our partners not satisfied with us, are we lacking something, ect.," she explained. "So I was looking to see if anyone had a reason they were willing to share behind the anonymity of a screen name."

We were also curious what the OP's thoughts were on the responses to her post. "I mean, half the answers were a joke, which was fine as it kind of cheered me up from my depressed state after finding out I had once again been cheated on, but it also made me feel better knowing some people did have regrets and wished they had gone about things differently," she shared.

We then asked Aggravating-Angel217 if she thinks cheating must always signify the end of a relationship, or if there are times when couples can work through it. "I feel as though cheating should mean an end to a relationship because your partner was out seeking others after they made a commitment," she noted. "However, I went and did the opposite of my opinion and stayed with my partner because well... Sometimes love makes you blind to the red flags."

Finally, the OP had some wise words for anyone out there who's in a relationship but still has a wandering eye. "If [you're] considering cheating, don’t. Either leave the relationship or communicate with your partner on things that are lacking. Heck, you might find your partner is willing to open the relationship and didn’t know how to bring it up first. But don’t hurt and possibly damage someone’s mentality for the rest of their life just for a little side action."

To gain more insight on this topic, we also reached out to Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and host of the Couples Therapist Couch podcast, Shane Birkel, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. First, we wanted to know how common he believes cheating is. "By the time people go to Couples Therapy, they're usually feeling stress in their relationship. One of the most common reasons they are feeling stress is because of infidelity," Shane explained. "For that reason, I'd say my practice isn't a good sample size compared to the general population."

And when it comes to some of the most common reasons men choose to cheat, Shane shared that they may be seeking "a sense of excitement, to feel connection, to feel desired, or as an escape from the stresses of family life."

"Making the choice to cheat is breaking a contract. Men are socialized to not be connected to their emotions or be able to express their emotions very easily," the expert went on to explain. "Because of this emotional immaturity, they often have a hard time communicating their true feelings in a relationship, so they might have an affair to subconsciously bring things to a head or even end the relationship."

"This also explains why even good men sometimes cheat," Shane added. "They just don't have the skills to be able to communicate with their partner and instead, seek to get needs met elsewhere."

Shane also shared that relationships can absolutely be saved after one partner cheats, but it's going to take hard work. "There has to be a true desire by both partners to make the relationship work," he explained. "One of the first things couples need to do is cut off contact with the affair partner. The affair is a huge trauma, which in itself is a very difficult thing to recover from, but to make matters more complicated, the very person who traumatized you is the one who you are depending on for support and love and healing."

"Affairs can easily take 2-3 years to recover from," the therapist added. "Usually, the person who was betrayed has a lot of hurt and anger and sadness and they are looking for their partner to lean into the discomfort and give them acceptance and compassion. The partner who had the affair often just wants to be trusted and for things to go back to normal. This creates a dynamic where every time the betrayed partner tries to talk about their feelings, the partner involved in the affair is dismissive or minimizing, or tries to fix the emotions which is invalidating."

We also asked Shane if he had any advice for individuals out there who may be considering cheating on their partner. "I have seen so many situations, where someone decided to have an affair and then it completely ruined their life, and they almost always wish they could go back," he told Bored Panda. "A good question to ask yourself if you're thinking about having an affair is, 'Why do I need to act impulsively?' If you have an affair, it will either lead to the end of your relationship or 2-3 years of misery and hard work to recover. Why not just face the problems in your relationship first, live within your own integrity, and talk to your partner? If you feel a need to rush it, that's probably not a good sign."

"If you feel like you can't talk to your partner, it's also important to surround yourself with other supportive people like friends, family or even a therapist," Shane added. "Getting other people's perspectives or seeing a therapist can give you a lot more clarity and help you make a more grounded decision."

If you'd like to hear even more words of wisdom from the marriage and relationships expert, be sure to visit Shane's website right here!