Marriage often comes with plenty of surprises, but few people expect one of them to be a divorce notice they never saw coming. While some couples slowly recognize that their relationship is in trouble, others only connect the dots after everything has already fallen apart. And hindsight, as they say, is annoyingly good at pointing out what you missed the first time around.
That question recently got men on Reddit reflecting on marriages they once thought were going to last, asking those who felt blindsided by divorce what they would tell their younger, married selves. Their answers offer a mix of regrets, hard-earned lessons, overlooked warning signs, and reminders about the things that can quietly shape a relationship long before it reaches its breaking point.
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#81
If you're a Ph.D, do not marry a high school dropout even if you both came from similar social class strata. Do not invite her and her kid to move in with you six months into the relationship to keep them from having to move in with their aunts. Do not knee-jerk believe what she says about what her ex-husband has said and done. You may be dealing with a con person just looking for paid rent and pretending to care about you.
She's eventually going to grow bored with you, resent the H**l out of the fact you rescued her and are helping pay for her kid's upkeep. She will find an illiterate ex-con m**h dealer to have her affair with and you'll have a broken heart and seven lost years of your life.
She's eventually going to grow bored with you, resent the H**l out of the fact you rescued her and are helping pay for her kid's upkeep. She will find an illiterate ex-con m**h dealer to have her affair with and you'll have a broken heart and seven lost years of your life.
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#82
I can't really say I was blindsided, I guess frog in the boiling pot would be more accurate. Slowly, week by week, there was less affection, less communication, I just kept telling myself it was a slump. I continously tried to make things better, do things to show I cared, tried to talk things out, tried to make it like we were happy, and every time it got shut down I would just say well just give her her space.
We had been together for over 10 years, and friends for at least 5 before that, and had son together. I don't know what I would do differently, maybe there was nothing I could do. Probably would have just said asked for the divorce myself months earlier, saved myself months of pain, wondering what I was doing wrong.
I'm not trying to claim I was anywhere near perfect, God knows I made a tons of mistakes, but I at least was always wanting to try to work towards making it better, she would just sit back and watch it d*e.
It takes 2 people to make a marriage work. If you're trying and it isn't working, accept that it's already over, the bell rang but you didn't hear it. Move on knowing you at least tried.
(And by "mistakes" no I do not mean I cheated, just incase anyone thinks that).
We had been together for over 10 years, and friends for at least 5 before that, and had son together. I don't know what I would do differently, maybe there was nothing I could do. Probably would have just said asked for the divorce myself months earlier, saved myself months of pain, wondering what I was doing wrong.
I'm not trying to claim I was anywhere near perfect, God knows I made a tons of mistakes, but I at least was always wanting to try to work towards making it better, she would just sit back and watch it d*e.
It takes 2 people to make a marriage work. If you're trying and it isn't working, accept that it's already over, the bell rang but you didn't hear it. Move on knowing you at least tried.
(And by "mistakes" no I do not mean I cheated, just incase anyone thinks that).
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#83
Marriage for most, for some reason:
"I promise to love you and only you forever, in front of all of our friends and family and I promise you're the one I will spend forever with. Etc. Etc....
.....or at least until I become unhappy, bored, whatever" .
"I promise to love you and only you forever, in front of all of our friends and family and I promise you're the one I will spend forever with. Etc. Etc....
.....or at least until I become unhappy, bored, whatever" .
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#84
I’d have trusted my gut and told her to get her IUD pulled.
Ever since she got it she slowly started acting weirder and weirder. I tied telling her I thought the IUD was messing with her, but she told me I was crazy. Not long after the divorce she got the IUD pulled and said that she felt like her old self again within hours. She apologized and told me I’d been right all along. Unfortunately, too many bridges had been burned down by that point.
Ever since she got it she slowly started acting weirder and weirder. I tied telling her I thought the IUD was messing with her, but she told me I was crazy. Not long after the divorce she got the IUD pulled and said that she felt like her old self again within hours. She apologized and told me I’d been right all along. Unfortunately, too many bridges had been burned down by that point.
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