Someone Asked "A Girl Approaches You And Says, 'Pretend We’re Friends. I’m Being Followed,' What Would You Do?", 40 Men Gave Honest Responses

Now, I’d like to preface this piece with the fact that women do not need men to save them, and of course, in an ideal world, women would never encounter creepy men in the first place. But the unfortunate reality is that we often do find ourselves in situations where we’re not quite sure what a man’s intentions are or what he is capable of. So a kind bystander can really save the day. Progress is made one step at a time, and hopefully, in the future, we will all know how to look out for one another and avoid making each other uncomfortable altogether.

When it comes to making women feel safer in public spaces though, there are plenty of things men can do, especially when dating. Elaine Parker, founder of Safer Date, a dating app that prioritizes the safety of its users above all else, told Metro UK, “With all of the horror stories out there, it’s important to strike the right balance and to make your date feel comfortable and safe, while still having fun.”     

When it comes to meeting a woman out for a date, Elaine recommends that men choose, or suggest and coordinate with their date, a meeting place that is very public and easily accessible for both parties. It’s also great if it is about halfway between where both daters live, so the woman does not feel stranded or out of her element and stuck with a long commute home. On the date, Elaine warns men to be careful of “love bombing” and recommends that they show up without any gifts or attempting any romantic gestures. These can be seen as instant red flags. 

And while it might be tempting to go for a drink, be sure to ask your date if that’s what she is interested in. She might feel safer waiting to have alcohol until she knows you a bit better, so a day-time date to grab coffee and stroll around a park is always a great option. After all, the best way to get to know a person is by engaging in conversation with them, so if your date feels most relaxed and at ease in the daytime while in a public place, you’ll get much more insight into whether you two are a match.  

The end of the date is another opportunity for men to help women feel safe. Depending on where you are and where you are both headed next, the goodbye could be at a variety of locations. You can walk her to her car or bus stop, or she might prefer that you take her all the way to her neighborhood. Everyone has different boundaries, so the important thing is that both of your boundaries are respected. Make sure she gets home safely, whatever that requires, whether it is asking for a text when she arrives home or waiting with her until her taxi picks her up. Even after having a wonderful time on a date, the commute home, especially if late at night, can be a treacherous journey if a woman is followed, harassed, cat called or approached at all by threatening men.   

There is a delicate balance between being observant and aware of our surroundings and people-watching to a creepy degree, but in general, keeping an eye out for how women are being treated can be an easy way to make them feel safer in public. For example, if you notice a woman being followed by a man through a train station or walking down the street, it would not hurt to ask, “Hey! How are you?” to her, just to see if the man leaves her alone. Try not to accidentally startle her by doing this, but she might be a bit confused at first. Hopefully, you’ll get the chance to explain what was going on, but even if you don’t, if you see the man who was following leave her alone, mission accomplished.

We all know that the bystander effect is a real thing, so let’s not make it worse by staying oblivious to what’s happening around us. Body language can tell a whole lot, and sometimes at bars or on public transit, women even verbally ask men to leave them alone to no avail. If you see this happening, feel free to step in. The stories on this list provide plenty of tactics for getting men to leave women alone, and by employing some of them, you might be able to keep a woman from being roofied or stalked. As dramatic as it may sound, we really never know what another person is capable of. While the vast majority of men are not predators, it can be, unfortunately, very hard to distinguish who is. And we would rather be safe than sorry.

It is often obvious when a woman is being harassed or not interested at all in advances being made towards her, but some men feel entitled to attention and believe they can wear a woman down through persistence. If you see this happening, do not be scared to put an end to it. Obviously, it does not always take a man to shut down another man. Sometimes women check in with each other, even if we are strangers, because we know exactly how those situations feel and are attuned to noticing them. But sadly, the type of man who harasses a woman is not likely to listen to another when she tells him to back off. This is a perfect opportunity for a man to use his privilege to get through to another guy and explain why bothering women is wrong. Because, for some reason, some people need a lesson on that!