#1
Edited, removed two redundant words.
#2
It's incredibly selfish to say "I,was pressured into marriage". No, for many years you were in a committed relationship with a person you didn't see your future with, while keeping her under impression that she's the one for you. Break up and let her find someone who considers her good enough.
#3
Honestly, it went really well, I had this moment on our honeymoon where I felt muscles in my neck relax for the first time ever. Told my counselor I'm finally truly safe to be emotionally authentic with someone. Had about 6 months with our newborn that were pure gold, as golden as surviving sleep deprivation can be.
My wife was diagnosed with cancer when our son was 10 months old, she died six days before his first birthday. It's been just over two years since her death and I am laid off, depressed, in chronic pain, and now alone, so no, I am not happy.
The alternate universe me where Soph didn't get cancer is extremely happy now, I imagine. Though, with my own health developments, if she hadn't gotten sick, maybe I'd be single anyway. My curse persists, hopefully this is my last lifetime under the shadow.
Update: I just started my fifth week at a new job which is going very well so far. I'm hopeful that this is the first big step toward rebuilding my life and all that. Thanks to everyone for their kind words.
Interestingly, the AskReddit thread on which this selection is based was started by a woman, the user u/girl_online23. According to her, over the years, she increasingly sees her male friends who have been married for a long time secretly admit that they didn’t marry for love, but rather out of pressure.
Some of them succumbed to pressure from their girlfriends. Some agreed to the urging of their parents or relatives. Some "realized" that society assumes an inevitable marriage after several years of dating or even living together. So the topic starter wondered - how happy are these men in their family life?
"We talk a lot of women settling, but nothing about how often men do,” the author added. I must say, the thread turned out to be very interesting and instructive, having collected over 4.7K upvotes and around 1K various comments and stories in a couple of months. So let's now delve into it all with this list made for you by Bored Panda!
#4
Gf at the time had kids — her first marriage was a disaster. I had a decent manufacturing job and was (is) utterly smitten with her. She needs me to marry her for health insurance and for real life things like buying a house. So we marry.
I'll admit today (and then) I was hesitant.
And almost 35 years later, I'm stupidly happy — still. The kids are grown. I moved up in career out of the factory into engineering. Career is great. Kids are all out of the house with a few grand babies out there. Wife and I travel the world. We're still really s**y together.
#5
#6
Then I broke up with her a few weeks later. I didn't want to marry someone who was always pressuring me into what she wanted. But I imagine some guys would stick it out.
By the way, if you expected to find here only sad stories about how men realized that they made the wrong choice, then you’re definitely mistaken. As in almost any life situation, the stories were divided into two approximately equal categories. Yes, there are those that ended sadly - either in divorce or in an unhappy life together.
But there are also many stories where men actually realized over the years that love is not only passion and the desire to be together all the time. They realized that marriage is more of a long run, and mutual support and warmth mean no less (and sometimes even more) than ardent passion.
#7
But things worked out. She ended up being just the kind of loving wife and mother to our kids that I'd always dreamed of. I guess I got lucky, but the complete lack of any red flags early in our relationship was a good sign that she was worth the leap.
I was heavily pressured to marry an ex (prior to meeting my wife), and thank God I got out of that before I made what would have been the worst mistake of my life.
#8
#9
While deployed we argued a lot, and at some point I realized I'd be a fool to continue. Called it off when I got home, moved my s**t out and ultimately moved on.
For any guys reading this: don't cave to pressure. Its okay to leave even if there's significant time investment. **Listen to your gut.**.
Okay, but why do men get married out of pressure? What reasons motivate them, sometimes not even thinking about marriage, to propose to their girlfriends? In fact, there are two large categories of reasons - internal and external. Internal ones are simply when men see women as a way to solve their everyday problems.
Cooking, cleaning the house, washing, and just having a companion in life - many men, having grown up, are simply looking for a replacement for their mother, who used to do this before. Needless to say, in such a couple, the wife is regarded not as a lover or soulmate, but rather as mom 2.0?
The second category of reasons is external and is related to the society we live in. Some people start a family simply because they feel that this is what adults should do, while others look at their peers who already have a wife and children, put down their PS gamepad and take out the engagement ring. And some, tired of the hints of their significant others and fam, just sigh and decide “it will be easier this way.”
#10
#11
I met my wife about a year later, we dated for about 3 months before we moved in together and we have been together and happy even since. It has been 13 years now.
#12
After that divorce, I married my second wife after dating for about nine months. The twenty-two years we've been together have went by in a blink of the eye.
While it's only an n=1 data point, it strongly suggests you're right, OP.
However, modern society is anyway connected to the problem we’re discussing today. Thus, according to the 2025 Match Singles in America study, 70% of singles report that “men and women increasingly misunderstand each other when it comes to dating, and many say harmful stereotypes are to blame.”
In particular, this is due to the fact that social media has made love something like a glittering show, so that people expect from relationships something more like fast, spectacular reels or shorts, rather than life experiences. At the same time, real life still sets accents - and not at all the ones people expect.
"Single adults have ramped up their expectations when seeking dates, wanting potential partners to be an instant best friend, lover, therapist, and travel buddy all in one. While having such high demands can sound empowering, in reality they can become overwhelming," the study quotes Dr. Justin Garcia, Chief Scientific Advisor to Match and Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute, and it's actually hard to disagree.
#13
#14
#15
And ngl that’s a brutal way to coast through your 30s….
"Our whole life is, by and large, a process of comparing our expectations with reality, and very few people manage to actually change reality to suit themselves,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
"Some people simply call it getting mature - gaining the ability to realize that some things in this life we can change, and some we cannot, and the skill to distinguish the former from the latter.”
"Every person has their own story, and everyone passes reality through themselves, forming their own attitude towards it. Someone changes in the process of sharing one roof, learns to find the good in everything, and someone just tries to start all over again. This is life, it was always like that," Irina summarizes.
#16
She cheated and everything got called off which was extremely painful but in hindsight really the best thing that could have happened.
My fears were erased in my next relationship where I felt comfortable marrying her less than a year in, and we've been together 6 years since.
But I understand why guys would settle. Dating is a s******w, and as a guy it's a constant rat race of how much "value" you can provide. The horror stories are everywhere, as I'm sure they are for women too. Men are really good at settling into what's comfortable and sometimes a mediocre relationship is what's comfortable as sad as it is to say.
#17
#18
And once living together started, its just a burden everytime. We are very different people and have different interests/goals/lifestyles.
Frankly im still sticking around because of responsibility/commitment, but am I enjoying myself? The answer is a hard no.
Okay, be that as it may, we're almost certain you'll enjoy reading these three dozen stories about human life and love. Sad, kind, fascinating, and funny - but behind each of them are two people who, one way or another, have shared part of their lives together.
So now please feel free to read everything to the very end, and maybe share your own tale in the comments below if you have something to say here. Perhaps your story will be just as interesting as those we've collected here.
#19
#20
Genuinely great and very thoughtful question though.