50 Times Men Tried To Assert Dominance But Made Fools Out Of Themselves

My fiances ex tried to get into a fight with me but he didn't want to be the one who started it. To prompt this fight he called me a big gorilla, I sat there for a second before bursting out into laughter. I told him if he was going to insult me he had to do a hell of a lot better than that.

Not me but my wife - we were living in an apartment complex and my wife had just parked her car, was carrying groceries and my 2yr old inside, and this guy stopped her and said, "that's my spot. you need to move your car now." We don't have assigned spaces, but my wife was caught like a deer in headlights and put all the groceries and my daughter back in the car and moved it - just so he could park his ten-year-old Cadillac CTS in his favorite spot.

I always got home from work before this guy, however. I never directly confronted him - but from then on, that parking spot became *my* spot and I parked there *every single day* for the next two years. I saw him out and about a few times, but thankfully being 6'1", overweight, and bearded, most people choose not to mess with me (even though I've never been in a fight and would be helpless in a confrontational situation).

Generally guys purposely bumping into you when you walk past them, especially if they're with friends.

Insecurity-Guard:

Then they get real aggressive and act like you intentionally bumped into them.

pilgermann:

I've actually had women do this. Always when walking in a long line of friends taking up the whole sidewalk, making no effort to give even an inch of space to others. They seem so taken aback when they get shouldered, and it's like, I actually couldn't have moved out of your way if I tried. Like the airplane [stuff] above, people have no pedestrian etuquette.

In jr high I remember this one bully that would get on his tip toes and bow out his chest like a gorilla and get all in your face whenever he felt threatened. It was such a funny stereotype maneuver.

One time at a house party, a few of us were talking to some of the girls there and one of the guys randomly started talking about how he does MMA, then another guy joined in and those 2 started wrestling in front of the girls. I don’t think their shirts needed to come off either but what do I know...

Not me, but my Dad.

My Dad has season tickets for the AHL hockey team in town. One day, he was late for a game, and arrived to see a teen in his seat with his girlfriend. My dad kindly asked him to move, explaining that these were his seats.

The teen responded with a quick "No its not."

My dad then showed him his season tickets, and pointed out on the kids tickets that their actual seats were a few rows up. The kid got up, and tried to square up to my dad.

My father was just like "really dude?" and ignored them. The girlfriend began screaming at him for "being a jerk".

Long story short, Dad kindly asked kid to get out of his seat, and kid tried to intimidate my dad for this.

My neighbor in front of my (I'm a guy) house had a boyfriend that would literally rip his shirt off and come outside every single time I was in my front yard. It could be 7 AM or Midnight but it wouldn't matter to him. I could be walking to my car and here comes Mr. Globogym flexing all around his yard. He would immediately go back inside when I went back inside. This went on for almost half a year until one day I saw him hop into his mega lifted truck and drive away never to be seen again. He did have pretty sweet pecs though.

One night in college me and my buddies were walking down the street at about 11:30 PM. We were near a major university and on a street that was almost entirely college kids renting. It was a Friday night, warm, so lots of people were out drinking on patios, talking, playing drinking games, etc. Generally pretty chill--we're done pregaming at home and headed to a bar or something, I don't remember.

Anyway. We're walking down the road and across the street, there's some people on a patio. They yell something at us--we weren't really listening, but the tone seemed friendly, or at least "woo yeah college bro amiright" generally. I kinda yell back "Yeah man, cool beans!" and return to my conversation.

Apparently this guy does not like beans, regardless of temperature, because the next thing I hear is "DID YOU JUST SAY COOL BEANS" and see this perfect Skyler Popcollar college bro storming off his porch to come across the street at us. I can only respond with a confused "y...yeah?"

My group stops, this dude is crossing the street at us looking like he wants to fight.

Him: "Say it again, bro, what'd you say?"
Some girl behind him: "Just let it go blake/skyler/chad they didn't mean it"

Me: "What? really?"

My friend: "What the hell?"

Me: "I said Cool Beans...?"

Him: "Get the hell outta here dude before I kick you"

Me: "Okay then, later bro"

And we.. walked off as he stayed angrily flexing in the middle of the street while this girl is tugging his arm, trying to get him back to the house. We made it to the end of the block (about 3 more houses probably) before my entire group just broke down laughing at the absurdity of it.

I really, really don't understand it. Was it supposed to be a prank? Was he just a drunk jerk looking to fight? Did he think I was intimidated? I'm not sure. Either way, "Cool beans" and "DID YOU JUST SAY COOL BEANS?!" are still a standard farewell among that group of friends.

Dancing at the club minding my own business, dude starts talking to me... guess i was dancing to close to his chick or his sister or whatever i dunno i didnt even really notice her until he said something, he goes (im paraphrasing, i was pretty drunk): "you arms are so thin, *grabs my arm* compared to mine"... like implying my muscles arent worthy to dance with he, which i wasnt even doing... so just kinda laughed right in his face and kept dancing right there. he didn't say anything after that. it was weird and in hindsight i probably shoulda gotten a bit more mad, but i just couldnt take him seriously at all...

The guys that start a lot of their sentences with "Only real men...".



We were drinking in a pub and after seeing I was drinking Guinness had to attest that "Only real men drink whiskey".

I was out with my ex gf one day, when we ran into one of her male friends (who was into her as far as i know) and tried to boast his reputation every time they talked

A, he acted like I didn't exist and talked to her for 10 minutes (about how much he loves skateboarding. My gf loves skateboarding, I'd probably break my legs and arms) and B, when finally realizing that I exist, just insulted the shirt I wore that day ("who did choose that for you? Your mom? Thats ridiculous. I have way more style" while laughing like a mad man), before leaving

I wore a white shirt, black pants and white shoes, while he wore a green-and-yellow tank top, red shorts and blue shoes (and not the kind anybody could pull of).. but I guess looking like a parrot ain't ridicolous.
The funniest part was, that my gf actually chose my shirt because I couldn't decide on what to wear and asked her.

When I was 16 a dude bro in his hummer H3 honked at my two friends and I while we were golfing. Naturally, we all gave him the finger as he drove by.

The gentleman stopped his car and got out, clearly looking to start a fight, screamed at us with the 'why did you flip me off, do you want to fight' shtick even though he CLEARLY honked at us.

As he was coming towards us angrily shouting, I retorted with "You're yelling at children". Realizing we were all underage and he was not, and the fact we were all wielding golf clubs, he got back in his douchemobile and drove off.

I still wonder what went through his head to try to pull off a stunt like that.

Literally last weekend some really drunk dude who I had never once met or interacted with tried to fight me (to impress the girls he was with?) It was completely ridiculous, and his way of trying to initiate it was just repeatedly body checking me on the dance floor which I ignored because I thought he was just being drunk and dumb. Turns out one of his friends had to stop him from blindsiding me with a sucker punch to the face (assuming he was able to aim that well)

Some people do not mix well with alcohol apparently.

This guy from work gave me a lift which was decent, but he had a chip on his shoulder about it. He put on the child locks, I couldn't get out.

So he came around to let me out of the back, and I got out and walked off, didn't close the door I let him do it like a chauffeur.

Worked as a lifeguard at a summer camp years ago. During safety training we had to do a missing persons search which required all available staff to join hands and walk from the beach to into the water as far as we could while feeling with our feet for the missing swimmer. (During training there was a sandbag we had to find.)

The guy next to me kept insisting on holding mine in a certain way because "*I* will take the upper hand in this situation," said at me while staring me down. Whatever, dude. We're theoretically looking for a drowned child right now.

Back in my youth, we had a sleepover at a friends house. It was me and my girlfriend of the time and 2 other couples. We were probably 13.

One of the other dude tried to assert dominance over me because he I thought I wasn't "manly enough" to have a girlfriend.

He was sneakily bullying me in front of the others by always saying mean stuff that targetted me but nobody did much because nobody cared about him, even his girlfriend.

He waited until the girls went to the bathroom and came to me with the other dude and punched me in the face. My nose was bleeding a little bit and he punched me in the stomach. The other dude was trying to get me in a headlock when the girls came back in the room.

They left me on the couch and went to the girls all proud of themselves. Girls slapped the 2 jerk and asked them to leave. The boys were shocked and when the 3 girls went to tell the dad (who owned the house) what the 2 boys did, they had to call their parents and explain what they did.

I never met those 2 guys after that.

A guy was buying something for $20 off me in front of common friends and instead of handing me the money he threw it on the floor and said “there’s your money”. I looked at it and told him “As far as I am concerned you still owe me $20, you should pick up the money you dropped and use that to pay me.” He finally picked it up and handed it to me but tried to squeeze my hand extremely hard. I have strong hands and just gave him the same strength of squeeze.

In college, we were having a conversation about which animals we thought closely matched our personalities. One guy was a psych major, one of those that weaponize Psychology by trying to psychoanalyze strangers and all that stuff. So he said he was probably a lion, and then would say everyone else were like hippos or manatees or other ugly-looking fat animals. Seemed a bit transparent to me but I think he really thought he was getting away with some subversive psych trick.

I worked at Pizza hut when I was 14, everything except the cash register. A new manager started with us. Before the end of my shift where it was just him and me (a Sunday), I made myself a pizza and was about to go home. Now, the previous management didn't mind when I made a pizza for myself about once a week or so. But this guy got extremely mad over it.

"Hey you"

"yeah?"

"What's this?"

"A pizza"

"Who ordered this?"

"No one, it's for me"

"Did I SAY you could make a pizza for yourself?"

"Well no, but--"

"So why'd you make it"

"The other managers for the last 6 months--"

"I don't care. You better ask me next time"

"Alright"

"You can keep the pizza this time"

"Sure"

"Say thank you to me"

"uhh thanks"

Guy was like 40. Good thing I quit like a week later (for unrelated reasons).

He tried to drink water faster than me

no one drinks water faster than me.