The way that dating works seems to change every generation. Gone are the days of asking for a cute stranger's number, calling them up on their landline and asking them to meet you at the local diner for a burger and a milkshake. Nowadays, the dating world is a minefield of apps, sliding into DMs, playing it cool and “talking” for months before officially being in a relationship.
Navigating this rugged terrain isn’t easy for anyone, so men have recently been opening up on Reddit about the most frustrating issues they’ve encountered while trying to date. From misunderstandings to ever-changing preferences from women, we’ve gathered some of their most popular replies below. Enjoy scrolling through, whether you’re still in the dating pool or not, and keep reading to find a conversation with dating and relationships coach Rachel New!
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#21
Women who show romantic interest and we grow closer together, but then when I try and take things to the next level, they pull back and say that they’re not emotionally ready to be in a relationship only to turn around and date someone else.
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12points
"Recognizing when someone needs something (mindreading) from us that we can’t give helps us to decide when to move on from a dating experience or relationship," Rachel added. "Sometimes having an open discussion about their relationship template and expectations can be enough to help them see they need to change, but this needs to be done without criticism, blame or defensiveness."
"Ultimately, good relationship skills such as being able to discussing difficult emotional issues without it escalating are absolutely vital to navigating those early stages of dating, which is why I do a lot of work on those skills with people so they are ready when the right person comes along!" the expert shared.
If you'd like to gain insight into your own relationships or check out Rachel's dating workbook, be sure to visit her website!
#22
I tend to feel like I’m in a psych ward. You know how talking too much = anxiety, taking not enough = depression? Everything you do is the wrong thing to do.
If I chase when it’s not wanted, I’m seen as obsessed. If I don’t chase when it’s wanted, I’m seen as uninterested. But I am completely unable to tell who wants to be chased and doesn’t want to and asking for clarification is kinda taboo. So it’s kind of a guessing game but if I f**k up, the gossip could spread to future potential partners. So a lot of us lean toward “Better safe than sorry” meaning we don’t ask. But then women think we don’t like them or care about them or whatever. Idk if you can understand how this would drive someone crazy trying to navigate this. I’ve had the most success being detached and only pursuing women who express enough interest in me that it’s distinguishable from friendliness because that takes the guess work out of it.
11points
#23
I’ll tackle the older end of things, as I am in my 50s.
That saying that women control access to sex and men control access to relationships is absolutely true as you get older. He’s looking for someone to f**k who he might eventually like a relationship with. She’s looking for a relationship with someone who she might eventually f**k.
First dates with women my age turn into financial and relationship history colonoscopies. They want to know details of your financial prospects so they know if you can either keep up or provide and they want to know what they are getting into because they are looking for the guy they hope to be buried next to someday. ON A FIRST DATE. They want to know the deepest and most painful details of why your first marriage failed that only your closest two friends in the world know…ON A FIRST DATE.
Meanwhile, most guys have been there and done that. And we just don’t understand why anyone would want to go through that hell again. We want someone we can laugh with, watch movies with, talk with, snuggle, and f**k. Why ruin that with a serious relationship? We aren’t thinking about long-term relationships yet. If it leads to that, great. But that’s off the table for now and may never be on the table.
It makes for a lot of frustrating first date fails on both sides.
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8points
#24
Honestly some men have it way easier on the dating front while others like me struggle. Only thing I'd say is that it's a pain to chat with a wall, so much so that I just straight up give up.
If you're not participating in the conversation or even trying to have one, then I have no reason to be on the date.
Side note, dating apps are something there to ruin my mental health, confidence and any self image I've built for myself. Weeks of no matches into straight up ghosting from first hello whenever I do get one. Or then it's a scammer.
I guess in a nutshell, good date would be win-win for both participants, not just one person doing everything and getting "a reward". Going to a bar and getting one night stand or just straight up hiring hooker is easier, if you just wanna get off.
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4points
#25
Barrier to entry is quite high, but also 'the bar is on the floor'. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, if the minimum standards are so low, but I still can't get a date.
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3points
