40 Women Share Stories Of Unwanted Trauma Dumping From Men

I’m curious about your age— when I was younger, I would get the typical situation of men hitting on me. Somewhere in my mid-forties, it mostly changed to this situation, where older men (usually 60+) would just stop me in the aisle at Target or TSA line at the airport (that was this week) or WHEREVER and just start telling me about their grievances as though I’ve known them for years.

I think the part that really bothers me is that the stereotype is that WOMEN are incessantly chatty and just won’t shut up and let the men in their lives have some peace… but then this is the reality.

My dog of 13 years passed away last year, the night before she was supposed to go into observation at the vet's clinic. I was digging the hole in my parents' yard where other pets had been buried, and some old guy approached the fence to start talking to me, and when I told him, teary-eyed, that I was burying my dog, he proceeded to dump on ME. Like, WTF, sir, can you not see that I need a moment? And he talked for nearly the entire time it took me to dig a 6-foot deep hole. I just wanted to cry while digging a hole, and I couldn't even have that

I’m sorry that happens to you, it sounds very intrusive and annoying. I live in the city, and this happens to me almost every time I work in the front yard (not necessarily the emotional dumping, but the uninvited interruptions and venturing on to my property). From men, it’s mostly a lot of slow drive-bys and some leering 🙄

I almost always wear headphones when I’m in the garden, listening to music or a podcast. I don’t mind the occasional wave or “hi”, but it really bugs me when strangers assume that I want or have time to talk when I’m clearly in the middle of something!! My window of time for gardening is limited, so when I’m out there, I’m trying to be productive. Leave me alone with my plants please 🤪.

I'm a married woman who's often working alone on her inherited rural property. Everyone knows my family , we've had five generations work this land before me. And everyone knows I'm the current owner. I don't mind visitors in general, but some of them...Oof. Shut up and get off my land, dude, I'm trying to work and you're wasting daylight here. Shoo.

I use several deterrents to discourage visitors when I don't want them First one isa fence with a driveway gate that is ALWAYS closed. Not locked, mind you. Just closed. Most people will see the closed gate, blow the horn as a greeting, and keep going because it signals that this isn't time to pay a courtesy call. Sure, I'll a car honk as a complete interaction, thanks for passing by.

Second deterrent is a big black dog, 120 lbs. of him, to be exact. It doesn't matter that he's a service dog and about as vicious as a newborn mouse. It doesn't matter that he associates people with treats, scritches, and love. It doesn't even matter that he's so well-trained that he does not even bark, and he's so pampered that he does not know how to growl properly. People, especially people who have not met my dog, will keep going even if the gate is open, if that see that dog running loose. Those that have met him? Well, they know what he is, and they will pull in to visit.

Third deterrent is simple. I open carry in a shoulder holster. I've had strange people pull into the driveway, park at the closed gate, and get out. But when they see me walking up to them with no fear, and with that firearm on my chest and that very big dog bounding at my heels, they usually get back into their vehicle and leave very quickly. I confess to using body language to convey that I'm assertive and a little bit of an a**e: head is up, shoulders back, stride purposeful, overall confidence high. Inside, I'm scared witless. But if you don't know me, what you see is a tall, fit, armed, and seemingly aggressive woman going straight towards you. It can be (and is meant to be) highly disconcerting.

But the one thing I don't do is wave empty-handed at people as they pass. People take that as an invitation to stop by. Wave with a knife or shovel in hand. That way, what you're doing looks so much like hard work that these lazybones with leisure time won't stop by, for fear of the woman asking them to do something manly. No joke. It's the best deterrent in your arsenal.

Ask "Oh, what's your wife's name?"


Then when they respond, ask for a last name and pretend you know who she is. Ask how she's doing and say you haven't spoken to her in awhile. That you'll need to text her and catch up and let her know her husband passed by. Do it in the friendliest and most innocent of tones. .

If you're working inside the fence, can you close and lock the gate? I clip mine shut, mainly to keep dogs in, but that could make it less welcoming.

Maybe saying something like, "wow, that's pretty heavy stuff to tell a complete stranger. I think I'm going to start charging you by the hour if I have to be your therapist." Then a laugh a little.

If they keep it up, point to your earbuds and say you're busy listening to something.

With cptsd I can't afford to care about seeming unfriendly but I also live in BFE and no one ever comes over (except for neighbors) unless it's my husband outside because he is always waving back and smiling and rural people barely get any human interaction so if anyone waves and/or smiles, they take advantage of that lol.

Rural people know which people to avoid too bc those "we don't call 911" or "no trespassing" signs mean something. Usually they'll also have dogs. That dont shut up lol. We have a large dog but he doesn't bark, but when I'm working on the garden our dog is my shadow and literally follows me and sits against me guarding me.

Holy hell, I'm glad it isn't just me. Our house backs onto a golf course. There are no fences, so in autumn, winter and spring we have beautiful views of the rolling land and river valley, which is really nice since we live in the city.... but during summer, my god the old men. I love to work in my yard, especially my vegetable garden, but I might as well put up a sign saying 'drive your golf cart into my backyard and ask me about what I'm doing and tell me about your life.'

Yes there are white stakes marking the edge of the course. Yes I have planted a few short bushes and placed some rocks ... They just go through my neighbour's yard to reach me.

Ohhhh my god i think i was meant to see this. there's this annoying man in my department who comes by my office maybe once a week and just *dumps* everything in his life on me. he feels like he's discriminated against in our primarily white university in a red state because he's a white man, he wants validation for taking some scam ai job, or how he has more integrity than people who vote. he just comes to my office, interrupts whatever it is i'm working on, and stands there and yaps for an hour or more about how hard life is when you're a property owning white guy with a rich wife on socialized healthcare. always wondered why, especially since i'm the only black woman in the department.

This is just country thing where I'm from... you're seeing it as men stopping for you when often it's those guys taking any opportunity to talk to *anyone*.

This is honestly one of the things I like about living in a city.  There's more people yes, but they're more likely to leave you alone. I adore living in rural areas for the access to nature but you need to be SO remote to get away from the country "nice" that are entitled men who wanna come up on you "just to chat" with zero warning much less consideration for whether or not they are actually welcome. .

Maybe you should start charging.


"Oh, you want to vent? It's $30 an hour, payment up front.".

That’s it really. I’ll be working on my garden and if I’m anywhere near the road, random middle aged men will stop their cars to say hello and then quickly go into long monologues about their issues with their wives, their land ladies, their bosses, whatever. I don’t know these men, sometimes they start dumping on me before even introducing themselves to me, they’re certainly not interested in my name or anything about me.

Yesterday it happened again, with a man who I haven’t seen in months. His car drives by, he waves so I wave back then he stops his car, gets out, takes my open gate as an invitation and comes into my garden to talk to me about all the work he’s doing at his place and how his wife just left town. I cut him off after a time and just said, “well I should get back to work, take care” and thankfully he left. I don’t want to be known as unfriendly but the eagerness in which this grown (supposedly married) man bounded out of his car and walked uninvited up my driveway just didn’t feel right. It has gotten so bad sometimes I hide when I hear a car driving by.

I love living in the country but it’s ridiculous and somewhat infuriating that here in this space with so little people I still have to deal with random dudes trying to use me for free emotional labour. This is why I’ll always choose the bear.

I live alone and we had a pretty rough winter. I live in the city but a residential part so I have a (pretty short) driveway. I’m more than capable of doing it myself but I tend to swear and grunt while shoveling cause it's hard.

I’m out there sweating and swearing and shoveling the end of my driveway which is half ice cause I’m too lazy to shovel until it gets bad when a rando walks up to me and starts trying to chat me up. When I refuse to answer his question on whether or not I’m single he no joke asks me if I have any single friends. Freaking joker. I ignore him after that until he leaves.

I usually get randos trying to talk to me when I walk my dog but thankfully my dog actually hates strangers and if anyone approaches he growls and barks. He’s just a little dog but the growls do tend to deter people. Plus he barks so loud I can actively ignore someone and pretend I don’t hear them.

These men need therapy but they will never go to to a therapist or sadly cannot afford one. Omg I would hate this. I feel like not just men but some people in general will be very open and tell random strangers all about their lives and problems.

My favorite is when I'm waiting in a restaurant for my food, and some strange man comes in and decides that he needs to be the center of attention. Once while waiting for a pizza a man came in just hoping to get some cheese for something he was cooking so he wouldn't have to go all the way to the store. As he was waiting, he spots me and my roommate and starts launching into all these gruesome things he did in the war and rambling about his life story and his many ailments. It wasn't until our pizza was handed to us and we were trying to leave that he finally stopped talking and wandered home.

Another time I was waiting on a sandwich and a guy with a handlebar mustache started doing a mustache performance, but just to me and another girl that were cornered in the tight space. Not to any of the men.

Some fellas just can't exist knowing a woman is quietly minding her own business. I've never seen a woman do this. Are they out there? I'm sure. But it seems to be every third Grandpa.

My LGDs stopped that issue. The worst was when I was working on adding fencing and this massive man I've never seen before just drives up to the house in his truck, comes out to the yard section I'm working on (past the house and garage so it was clearly internal property space mind you) and asked if any of the goats are for sale. Like are you kidding me dude?

My 60 lb gsd to her credit stayed between me and the man barking her head off but again she was only 60/65 lbs and looked it. After that incident I got anatolians that don't like strangers.

I vended at a swap meet yesterday by myself in a small town, listened to soooooo many mologues from older white men. Also, the one who didnt come with stories just asked a billion questions about items from the free bin 😩.

Just wave, and then turn your back on them and go back to work. Otherwise 'polite' looks like an invitation. This is especially true to men that WANT to interpret it as such.

Men in general have obvious problems. But middle aged and older men are a-whole-nother level!

I noticed a big personality switch in both of my parents as they aged. But my father, especially, just lost all decorum. It's like he regressed to being a toddler in many situations.