40 Women Share Stories Of Unwanted Trauma Dumping From Men

To paraphrase Jane Austen "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a busy woman in possession of a happy life must be in want of a random man to tell her how she's doing it all wrong.".

To give you a different perspective, I experienced something similar when I moved to small rural community. People would always stop me to chit chat when I'm working out side. I was a annoyed at it when I first moved because it interrupted what I was doing and listening to people's problems that I don't know felt burdensome, but I really like it now.

People are lonely and guess what, I was lonely. Having neighbors that you chitchat with is the first step to becoming friends/ good neighbors.

Those chit chats were the first step into developing community. Now my neighbors exchange fruits and favors and I know everyone around me. One of the guys that used to stop and chit chat helped me with some plumbing issues no questions asked and no payment needed. I look out for him and drop by extra fruit and veg I was growing. My other neighbor saw that I was gardening and dropped off some plants and neem oil. And stuff like this now happens all the time.

We look out for each other, check in with each other, and it's really nice being in a community and community is so hard to come by these days. Sometimes the price of being a good neighbor is a little bit of discomfort at first. It's hard talking to strangers and it's hard making the first step to speak to somebody.

I'm not writing this to discount your feelings about being bothered / doing emotional labor but just to give you a different perspective because I experience something similar and my perspective has changed and I think I'm happier for it.

Take the wife's side. Every time. They will stop talking to you.

Middle aged rural living guy here: I cannot imagine what would ever possess me to stop my car to talk to some random stranger doing yard work about my personal life, never mind a woman alone who might very well(and reasonably) get freaked out about a random dude stopping to talk to her. That's absolutely bonkers.

This happens constantly to my aunt who lives in the middle of nowhere Ohio. She bought large work gloves and men’s size work boots at a thrift store. Whenever she’s working outside, she’ll put the boots on the steps and the gloves somewhere near her. She said that whenever someone unwanted stops by, she’ll cut the visit short by pretending to “find the gloves”. She would then tell the stranger, “My husband went inside to look for his gloves” (hence why the work boots were placed on the porch). Then she would shout, “Honey! I found your gloves! They were right by the bags of soil! Oh, he probably can’t hear me, I’d better run inside and tell him. Okay then- bye!” She said this works 10/10 times. She lives alone but strangers don’t need to know that!!

I used to work in the lumber section at a big box hardware store. If it wasn’t busy, men would use the opportunity to trap me at the contractor desk to vent about their lives. They’d often mistake the fact that I couldn’t leave my work zone and walk away as interest.

My takeaway was that men really need therapists. I can’t imagine the mindset needed to approach random women and expect free therapy.

I had this same problem when I used to work at a front desk, it was like every other person who walked in would trauma dump all over me. One time I asked a guy "why are you telling me this?" and I swear to god I saw his brain do a full system reboot all over his face because he couldn't comprehend why I wouldn't want to hear about his troubles.

Be “unfriendly”. It’s ok. It’s about maintaining boundaries.

I’d straight up tell them that I don’t talk to strangers and they are not invited. Hang some No Trespassing signs up on the gate. And a No Soliciting sign for good measure. Add a camera or two.

I’m living in my Grumpy Era and I am ok with it. 🩵 it’s actually really freeing.

At least I know that when I'm in my garden on a summer day, shoveling dirt and moving pavers, sweating like hell and taking frequent water breaks, that I won't have a bear walk by, lean on my fence and ask, "so, you digging a hole?"

Sometimes I just want to throw my shovel at them.

You have to stop caring about whether or people see you as friendly. You continue to let them waltz onto your property as a result of you being friendly. Next time, ask them what exactly prompted them to trespass on your private property, because you sure as hell didn't invite them.

I had a similar problem, and I got a dog. Medium sized dog, but shy with strangers. She would growl if someone approached me in or near the house but never attacked or anything like that. Really enabled me to just tell people to give her space because she was nervous with strangers. Almost immediately the uninvited stops...stopped.

OMGGGGGGG wait is this a universal experience?!?

I’m an entomologist and pretty fresh out of college I was on a project looking at pests and pollination in pumpkin crop systems out in the middle of nowhere, not a paved road in sight. I was working under a male grad student so we were usually together, but this time he had to run back to the car for something. I continued my work, tromping through pumpkin vine looking like a nerdy dork in my field clothes with my net or clipboard.

This random man passed me in his car then u-turned, got off his car, and came right up close to me. This was right past peak COVID, I still wore masks whenever I went indoors, so I didn’t actually want him near me. I figured he wanted to know what I was doing and he did kinda ask that, but honestly blew right past the topic once he knew I had permission. He immediately launched into a rant about how no one wants to work the fields bc the stimulus checks, eveyone’s spoiled now, and COVID was a hoax anyways. Literally ranting at me! I didn’t even have a chance to say anything or leave. I mean, I was supposed to be working and he was getting in my way.

I was already uncomfortable, but it did get kinda creepy tho. The grad student saw the man and since it was his project he figured he could best answer any questions the man had so he started making his way over. Once the random man noticed him he said “oh, but I thought you were alone?” And he took off in his car before the grad student got close. 💀 SIR?!? But why did it matter to him if I was alone?!?

Start talking about how the price of tampons keeps going up, especially the good brands. Go into detail about why some brands are better than others, and how all the brands are getting worse.

You know, just small talk complaining about the economy.

(Yes, I know, rule 34. Try diapers. Or your mom's Alzheimer's medication. Or even just the nasty messes your dog/horse/cow/chickens leave for you to clean up.).

I can't imagine driving along, seeing a woman gardening, and thinking "I'm gonna stop and tell her all my problems.".

I feel like a lot of men don't care or don't realize or understand how the mere presence of them when you are a woman and alone is terrifying and scary enough. Because of how unpredictable men are and can be.

Hand them a shovel and point to where you want them to start. Then list off the chores they can do when they’ve finished. They will leave. Or you’ll get a lot accomplished!

My lonely as hell old man neighbor rushes out the second he sees me in my front yard gardening. He has ruined it for me.

I am a kind person. I said to this crusty jerk "Nah, I have installed federally protected species in my flower bed so when men annoy me, I can burry them under this flower bed and it will be illegal to dig them up!" I said that to this mans face, figuring he would get a clue. He did not.

He instead warned my husband that I had a plan to off him for insurance money? My husband replied that he didn't feel the flower bed was for him.

For some reason they think they'd gather sympathy or invitations through that. When I was very young old men would come up to me and start to sigh and angrily murmur to themselves, as If that would ignite some intrinsic nurturing instinct in me for them or something. It just made me very uncomfortable because I sadly already knew their expectations.

It's got to have to do a lot with childish dry begging tactics that may have worked in their mom wifes someday and it takes a sick role projectation to expect the same love from any younger stranger that suits the gaze.

My gran didn't hunt but she had a couple firearms just in case. When she wanted to be taken seriously, when she was feeling some sort of insecurity, she'd just put her firearm in her holster. She said it helped her "feel bigger".

Men will always mistake politeness for friendliness.

I'm in my 30's and it's happened a handful of times.