Toxic masculinity may have been around for decades, but it has only been identified and labeled in recent years. These days, such behavior is also referred to as being in the “manosphere” or embodying the “red pill” mindset, which gives being male a bad name.
Of course, people evolve, and many, fortunately, rid themselves of their poisoned beliefs about women. Some of them even opened up in comment sections of various social media platforms, candidly sharing their eye-opening experiences.
Many see this as a step in the right direction and a breath of fresh air. Hopefully, this gives you the same sense of optimism.
#1
Reddit weirdly enough. I'm 24 stumbled upon r/askwomenover30. I saw them talk about how men mistreated them and I saw alot of myself in those men. One day I was like "Maybe I'm the bad guy here"
98points
#2
Said something against women (had a bad friendgroup). My dad just stared at me and went: „You‘re a man. Start acting like one.“ In the angriest tone I‘ve ever heard. I asked how, we started talking and he saved me
95points
#3
For me it was when I saw a reel of a woman telling men to ask the women around him when was the first time they got harassed or touched in public. Sure enough, I asked 7 women and in none of their stories did they exceed 14 years of age
83points
#4
I was never in the manosphere but I got one of my coworkers to really think about how toxic it is. I'm a fan of the Professional Women's Hockey League (go Frost!) and I in the lunch room talking about how the Minnesota Frost won the championship 2 times in a row when one of my coworkers said "Yeah but there's only 6 teams (at the time) in the league so it's not like it's that impressive, the men have way more teams so it's harder for them to get back to back wins". The thing that really pissed me off about that was this guy has daughters WHO PLAY HOCKEY. I said "If daughters play professionally and win the championship, are you gonna tell her "It's not that impressive, the men's teams have it WAY harder?". He just said "Well... no" and got real quiet after that. It just blows my mind that in the year 2026 we are still putting down the achievements of women.
75points
#5
When I learned that car manufacturers rarely use crash test dummies that are modeled after women. The safety features of most of not all vehicles are designed men. I keep thinking about how my mom is inherently less safe driving than I am in my own car because she's shorter.
69points
#6
It was an eye-opening convo for my spouse when I dropped the stats that (at that time the estimate was) 1/4 women had experienced grape, false reports are under 2%, and fully 2/3 of men in a survey said they would grape someone if they knew they could get away with it. The fact that most women when asked what they would do with no Men in the world for 24 hours respond that they would walk alone at night without fear. Men truly don't know what a huge menace men's violence is in our lives until confronted with some of the numbers and ways it affects our lives. And they don't always get that it isn't akin to theft, it's violent. Those conversations are so important.
65points
#7
Honestly, it was rough breaking free of redpill. Was raised Evangical Christian all my life with my father, uncle, and grandfather all being pastors. I was taught hatred and control from a young age, among other things later unpacked in therapy. The point that started to have me turn was when I was at a very low point of my life in my early 20s. I recieved more humanity from trans people than I ever had from the types I grew up with. It wasn't an overnight transformation. It was years of therapy and deprogramming. But I have changed. I can't undo the terrible things I've done, but I can try to prevent it from happening to others, and try to create spaces for others to feel safe.
61points
#8
Getting stalked helped me out of it. I would have always considered myself a liberal feminist person, but I always believed that if you were direct then creeps would leave you alone. Im sorry I ever believed in that narrative.
57points
#9
I had a guy in military tell me he knew it was nonsense when he went on deployment and had no electronics for 6 months. He'd needed help, and tons of online redpillers said they could help him... for a price. He paid and paid but still felt hopeless. But the only people that actually showed up in his life to actually help... were women. They sent letters and packages. They were there to welcome him home. And it cost him nothing
52points
#10
i started to realize the reason why i was watching that type of content was bc i was resentful of women for not being sucessful with them. thats when i was 15.
45points
#11
I can thankfully say I never went full red pill, (this was before the manosphere effectively existed, but I never once believed women's purpose on earth was to serve men and have babies or whatever), but there was a time I was super pro-life and didn't believe in, well, BELIEVING women. But I was also pretty hardcore conservative and over the years have slowly been deconstructing a LOT of those beliefs and becoming more progressive, and part of that was realizing A.) Conversations about toxic masculinity is not an "attack" on toxic masculinity. No one is saying masculinity IS toxic. TOXIC masculinity is something entirely different. B.) Women are more likely to be put in handcuffs for "falsely reporting" men than to see their perpetrator behind bars. That's not hyperbole, that's statistics, and believing women doesn't mean that men don't still at least get due process. And C.) While men do have issues in society, mental health being the biggest one, women are not the cause of them. Mens' issues are literally caused by other men. Toxic masculinity and the patriarchy hurts men too, and maybe if more men realized that something would ACTUALLY be done about it
43points
#12
Not me but my partner was very conservative, he one day had a realisation that trickle down economics doesn’t actually make sense, that lead him to Marxism then feminism and he’s been on the good side ever since
42points
#13
Hot take. But the whole "not every man" rhetoric. I decided to shift from a "no, not me" mindset to a "ill make sure its not me" mindset. I realised I can't make it ok, I can't make the whole population change their experiences, their perspective. But maybe i could give a reason to a few of them. if I can change 5 minds... 5 men. Then maybe i could help.
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This is a really healthy mindset and I wish more men could think of it like this and see it this way. Every man I know who isn’t toxic and treats women properly funnily enough, also thinks this way too.
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This is a really healthy mindset and I wish more men could think of it like this and see it this way. Every man I know who isn’t toxic and treats women properly funnily enough, also thinks this way too.
40points
#14
I stopped listening to podcast bros and started listening to therapist.
34points
#15
Having female friends and learning how they actually view men and relationships
34points
#16
I never got into it. But I’m not tall. I’m a truck driver. So I’m not uber rich. And I’m not even what you might call conventionally attractive. Not even putting myself down. It’s just the truth.
And I’ve gotten along fine with women. The problem isn’t the women, ever
It’s the guys who don’t work on themselves and listen to other men tell them how to be instead of working on their own individual skill sets.
And I’ve gotten along fine with women. The problem isn’t the women, ever
It’s the guys who don’t work on themselves and listen to other men tell them how to be instead of working on their own individual skill sets.
34points
#17
I read a Reddit thread a few years back with a similar topic, and one answer was along the lines of, "I watched The Hunchback of Notre Dame and realized Frollo was basically the embodiment of this ideology and I didn't want to be Frollo."
Props not only to that guy's media literacy, but utilizing the lesson IRL.
Props not only to that guy's media literacy, but utilizing the lesson IRL.
Report
33points
#18
My change happened when people started arguing over preferred pronouns. I was totally against it but my amazing wife put it into terms I couldn't ignore. She asked me one day " What if one of our sons is trans"? "What if her sister was trans"? Those 2 questions made me self reflect and realize that all anybody wants in life is to be their authentic self and to be accepted for living their own truth. She used 3 people that I love dearly to put it into perspective for me and that's all I needed. Love will always be the only thing stronger than hate.
30points
#19
I wasn't all the way into that sphere, but I was raised a homeschooled moderate conservative. Becoming a healthcare worker and learning about medical research was where I properly learned how information and misinformation works, thus I began to realize how much my ideas didn't match reality. As a paramedic at the time, I was also losing my sense of compassion and becoming hateful, influenced by right wing assumptions about social issues I dealt with every single shift. But learning is what helped me to realize what I was becoming and find the way out. Now I'm an ER nurse with a strong passion for patient advocacy, whether it be women's health, racial disparity, patients with substance use disorders, etc....everyone deserves high quality healthcare and I do the best I can in the ER not just to do more with the few resources I have, but to make others aware of why it matters and the quick things we can do that make a difference.
30points
#20
Literally going outside and interacting with women for the sake of interacting with them and not wanting anything in return
29points